Consistent with Western culture’s habit of projecting responsibility for its own sins, the media coverage of the Charlie Hebdo massacre has got it all wrong. Say what!? you might ask? The French cartoonists reeked of everything that is irresponsible in relation to empire. Huh? It is a simple as this: If it hadn’t been for colonialism, there would have been no Charlie Hebdo massacre. The culture lampooning Islam with gross stereotype in fact created the militant Islam we know in the present day. A mark of a bully and coward is to use one’s superior or ‘brute’ strength to humiliate one lesser in strength. When this simply goes on and on, it will, quite naturally, breed a deep and abiding resentment, eventually becoming a deeply rooted, pathological anger and related hate. Charlie Hebdo’s mistake was to fail recognizing they were playing the artistic hand of the bully. Catholic France has a long and storied history of beating the Muslim world into the dirt, from Algeria to Djibouti to Lebanon to Syria and quite notably, Yemen. In the present necrotic geopolitic, where ‘terror’ has evolved from the Western democracies present military and corporate colonialism demanding the Islamic world’s resources at gunpoint, Charlie Hebdo behaved as the bully’s cohort; the child aligned with a Christian gang of bullies who spit in the face of the Muslim kid, after he’d been pounded into the dirt. Now, a really interesting double standard in all of this is, the Western democracies, and France is no exception, behave as ‘Christian’ nations when it comes to behaviors and declarations of morality, and then shriek loudly over violations of ‘secular’ principles when those Christian behaviors cause ‘blow-back.’

Don’t get me wrong, I’m all for secular principles and technically should defend Charlie Hebdo. But I can’t get past Charlie’s alignment with the Christian bullies beating up the Muslim kid. Excluding stupid people, the world were never really back & white, eh? So, my advice to Charlie Hebdo in future is; leave it to the Islamic culture to produce its own critics and instead, pick on your own Catholic culture’s necrotic behaviors:

tip: clicking on the several vulgar Latin phrases in this satire’s text, will reveal much information…

Opus Dei creavit monitor lacertae

In what amounts to little better than ‘Pig Latin’, Opus Dei creavit monitor lacertae translates God created a need to monitor lizards. Or we could say Deus est ex improuiso ad monitor lacertae, that is, ‘God is the one least expected to monitor lizards’ as a kind of a pun:

There Be Dragons

As in, who was minding the serpent in the garden? Clearly, there was an absent baby-sitter for the innocents. Or was there? The serpent had said ‘if you eat, your eyes will be opened.’ And we are told Eve did eat and her eyes were opened. Then, after Adam had joined her in understanding, omnipresent God came strolling along calling out ‘Hey Adam, Eve, where are you?’ Waving at God from behind a fig tree, Adam and Eve called out to the omnipresent one ‘We’re over here!’ At this point, it would appear to have been revealed ‘omnipresent’ God, who couldn’t see through the foliage, would be the one needed a fig leaf and it pissed him off. Or perhaps the Christian God had always been a violent jerk. And ever after, the serpent, who’d uttered nothing less than a truth, has been pinned for being evil. Here, in this new satire, we won’t concern ourselves much with serpent of mortal fable, and other than slightly touching on the Jesuits & Pius X, primarily we will mind the business of ‘who is baby-sitting the monitor lizards of Opus Dei’ ?

The Direction générale de la sécurité extérieure report:


DGSE Bajolet’s report to Francoise Hollande:

Our initial sources for this intelligence determination are gay celebrity gossip magazine contributors Klaus Wowereit and Pontificate Emeritus Joseph Rattefinger, in relation to breaking down information on the mysterious cult of ‘Scheißkerl’ and associated, closet drag queen, dominatrix intelligence agency personalities. In addition, we have taken this opportunity to frame our nefarious enemy, the intelligence genius Ronald Thomas West, accomplished with covertly leaking our unfortunate assessment, by hacking and posting the result at his blog. But our most wonderful coup was recording Wowereit’s confessional with Rattefinger!

Rattefinger: Ich bin schwul, und Ich werde nie zugeben, das ist auch gut so (revealing the ‘cover’ text requires using the secret decoder ring)

Wowerweit: Exzellenz, waren es für die erstaunliche Geschichte um den Prinzen von Opportunistic Pädophile nicht, könnte mein späteres Leben nie so schön Homosexuell! Ich lieber dich!! (use secret decoder ring)

The over-riding question is, what is the mysterious cult of ‘Scheißkerl’?

butyrum de doctrina pornographic putredinem fomenta adiuuari auctoritate masturbationem adjectio

In the vulgar dialect: Gonadius buggerum semenis seminarium toiletterium (totalitarium) Those who use the secret decoder ring for this (immediate preceding, unlinked) pseudo-Latin vulgarity, will have followed a dead end, but therein lies a clue nevertheless:

sede beati ejaculatii

Resembling ‘meaty, beaty, big and bouncy’ (of the child pornography fans of The Who’s Pete Townshend.) A ‘tampered with’ phrase. Using this clue led to the ‘satryicon’ discovery embedded in seminary…



…and the trail of the Scheißkerl cult in Latin America:

quid latet in obscuro; in qua non admittitur ad lampades lucea

Which brought us back to Rome while looking for related artifacts, leading to amazing discovery:

Ira ani cultus copulationes

To access this information was quite painful for our spies:

rudem quandam crudelitatem theologia de adsiduis

Our female asset at Rome confirmed the preceding:

confessio torqueri debent

So we followed a clear clue; what fashion would be required to conceal the identities of those lining their underwear with hedgehog pelts:

Camp fashionista in imaginem Dei



The result was quite fruitful; our intelligence agents sacrifice had led to the discovery of the Scheißkerl cult’s past ‘camp fashionista’ clients:

regina dominatrix ductu drag

We confirmed this via our American media asset assigned to the Vatican:

cum ad sacrosancta molester societate sanctorum coniurationis

This led to confirming the larger criminal network:

decimatio in silentio conduximus interfectores

Whose minions are assigned work undermining defenders of sanity that fight crusader mentalities, here is salient example:

suffodiens homines opus Dei honorem

Exposing the principals behind the intelligence agency embeds:

Opus Dei est synonyma cum Scheißkerl

So, we have finally solved the identity mystery of the Scheißkerl cult, however their larger mission is to be found embedded in a deeper code:

employingyay uggerybay andyay ellatiofay, ogethertay ithway ueltycray inculcatedyay inyay ildrenchay, Opusyay eiDay isyay ethay aticanVay’say ontfray orfay implementingyay ominionDay eologyThay andyay ethay emiseday ofyay ecularsay emocraciesday

…revealing the purpose and character of the ‘true pigs’ of Latin:


Related: Who Punked the Cardinal On Vatican Fashion


The Satires