Archives for category: satire

Bing Crosby is crooning “I’m dreaming of a White Christmas…” ’24’ is on TV with the sound off. Don reaches over and places his hand gently above Dick’s knee, and softly says “Do you recall Ben Bonk’s sob story?

Cheney puts his hand over Don’s and gives an affectionate squeeze. “I laughed to tears…” The next day they went quail hunting.

Free speech clown series

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Don Rumsfeld & Dick Cheney’s Dog

You all have heard of the first grade primer ‘Dick and Jane’? Well, as fate would have it, Dick did not grow up to love Jane, because Dick (like Don) matured into a homosexual in denial, or “RRR” (sounds like a Rottweiler growl), one of those closet morality, socially/sexually frustrated and consequently mean people known as a Religious Right Republican.

So, this has to be an adult repressed homosexual ‘dick’, or machismo porn variation, of the ‘Dick and Jane’ story. Consequently, the story of how Don Rumsfeld met his demise, because of Dick Cheney’s dog, is pretty screwed up.

It’s called: Don and ‘dick’

Rumsfeld was visiting ‘big dick’ Cheney at Cheney’s ‘spread’ in Wyoming, Cheney was wishing he could have shot George Bush in the face with his shotgun because the coward George flinched and did not pull the trigger on Iran…

While reminiscing missed opportunities at initiating Armageddon, wishing they could have shot more people in the face, especially more Arabs, and about their longing for certain fascists to be in their lives, past and present, secular and religious.. among other things, Rummy suddenly asked ‘big dick’ why his Rottweiler, “Machismo”, was always chained by his kennel.

Mean people have mean dogs and, Dick explained to Don that “Machismo” had an edge about him, Machismo simply could not be trusted around visitors. Dick went on to explain how he wished it were otherwise and how he wished Machismo could be trusted to obey him and only tear apart people that he did not like, he’d tried dog trainers but they cost him money, too much money, because Machismo took a chuck of flesh out of all of them, every dog trainer he had tried. His insurance premiums had gone sky high, all on account of Machismo.

Rumsfeld: “Why don’t you get a different dog?”

Cheney: “Because I love my Machismo.”

Then Don had an idea.

Rumsfeld: “Hey Dick, there is the Arapaho Indian Reservation right up the road, why don’t you get a Medicine Man to take the edge off your Machismo? I saw on the Discovery Channel the Indians can talk to animals, you know they are all devil worshippers, so maybe there is something to it.”

Dick’s eyes brightened considerably, an amazing thing, as though a light had turned on upstairs, but then his brow furrowed back to normal, as though nobody were home.

Cheney: “That’s the problem. They are all devil worshipers, you know, Indians are sorcerers like the Old Testament forbids be ‘found among us.’”

So Don and Dick discussed that and came up with a solution. If they were not at Dick’s ‘spread’ while the medicine man worked with Dick’s Machismo, the sorcerer would not be found ‘among them’ and it would all be ok in the end, because St Paul had said “All things work together for good” for Christians like Don and Dick. So they sent a Secret Service agent to find a medicine man with an explanation of how Dick would like the edge taken off of his Machismo, and then went quail hunting, so the Indian sorcerer would not be ‘found among them.’

The secret service agent found a medicine man, a Blackfoot married to an Arapaho and living in Wyoming, a typical dumb Indian, who with a look of stunned disbelief, kept asking the agent again and again “What!?” After the agent had identified himself four times and explained Dick Cheney wanted the edge taken off his Machismo eight times, a light filled this Blackfoot Indian’s eyes, this agent was serious, and the devil was right at home.

Indians know when the gods deliver the opportunity of  a lifetime, and this was opportunity at redemption. It had been awhile since the medicine men had been noticed, that is, the now days scarce authentic ones, and the agent had stumbled onto the real McCoy. First and foremost, this Indian believed in the Native law of reciprocity and well knew how it worked, something the Whitemen had not sorted out since Jesus had told them about it two millennia ago: “As you sow, so shall you reap.”

In this Indian’s world view, the opportunity was all about deliverance, and the attending attrition from any consequence, a sort of natural quantum mechanics shamanic death manifest by friendly fire, simply would have to be tolerated, because the medicine men are all about manifesting truth, and this native cultural idea taken together with the dogs name, set out the path to healing Dick’s Machismo: The dog would have to be taught how to enjoy narcissistic sex, instead of biting people.

Initially, the medicine man realized he would have to endure Machismo’s instinct to hump his leg, that was disturbing, but to reach the goal beyond… The Indian told the agent, well, ok, he would do it for ‘dick.’ The agent missed the straight faced Indian humor… and utterly failed his agency’s chartered mandate.

Indians are observational people, primarily, and know the purpose of dog butt sniffing rituals, sort of like when a Blackfoot and Cree spot each other from across a boulevard in downtown Calgary, the hair goes up on both backs and both Indians are thinking to the other “You can sniff my butt” in a historical context, and it is not a friendly thought. The actual butt sniffing between them is purely psychic, preceding any challenge and fight, and the medicine man doctoring Dick’s Machismo would need to circumvent this phenomena to achieve his aims. So sorcery came into play. He collected urine from a bitch in heat, rubbed a little of it on his knee, and bringing more along in a vial, he traveled to heal Dick’s Machismo.

The dog was very happy to see him, no hostility or butt sniffing ritual encountered at all, the Indian told the agent he had to work with the dog alone, brought out a plastic baby rattle wrapped in leather with a few strings with beads, to look convincing, and Dick’s fundamentalist christian body guard was more than happy to leave. Then this Indian began to work with Dick’s Machismo… “Now Machismo, my leg is a good beginning, but we have to show you something, you don’t need my leg or me at all, you can do this all for yourself- just follow her scent to where it feels so right….”

In Blackfoot language we have a word, I don’t know how to spell it in the Whiteman’s language, but it sounds something like oww-woe-tops and it means you are crazy and “everyone knows the Whiteman is crazy” is a Blackfoot proverb proven again and again, example given, Dick Cheney hiring an Indian that hates him, as every Indian should, to tame his Machismo. There is another Blackfoot word I dare not try to pronounce here, but it means “Dog Face.” It is about as bad as Blackfeet language profanity gets, and it is not as tame as it might seem, initially. The term refers to a certain facial expression…

Don and Dick were headed back to Dicks ‘spread’, the agent had called and told them the medicine man had pronounced Dick’s Machismo healed and was leaving, and as fate would have it, the medicine man, and Don and Dick, passed each other on the dirt and gravel country road, the Indian pushing his 1968 Chevy pickup named the “Red Jet” as hard as he could, the worn out 327 V-8 boiling blue smoke into the dust storm he was whipping up behind him, windows down, braids flying, wild eyed panic combined with a maniacal mirth at his crime, co-mingled with prayers to all the gods that he WOULD escape… thinking when he saw Don and Dick “you can sniff my butt” while trying to put on as many miles as he could, as fast as he could, to escape Dick’s ‘spread.’ Don said “God Damn”, Dick in the same moment saying “he must have brought along his whiskey”…

Dick and Don, walking to the kennel, turned a corner bringing Machismo into view in that very moment Machismo was swallowing it, gulping himself down with a certain facial expression… Don had a sudden epiphany, and he exclaimed “Machismo sucks!”, and Dick’s perpetual grimace of hate torqued down to the point it actually broke his primitive semblance of a mind, he pulled his permitted concealed weapon…

The camera pans away to the beautiful red rock cliffs of Wyoming, there was a first shot echoed together with Machismo’s dying yelp, Don shouted “NO!” and the second shot was heard… a pause.. the third shot sounded and America never heard Dick Cheney say “Terror” again.

In the here-after, for all of eternity, Don repeated “Look Dick, look. See Machismo suck!” And for all of eternity Dick shot Machismo and Don, again and again and could not kill them or himself (because they were already dead.)

The Secret Service agent kept his mouth shut about his role in the cause behind the Rumsfeld/Cheney murder/suicide, and no one came after the medicine man who laughed for years, again and again like a child, every time he recalled:

“you can sniff my butt”

*

CheneyAztec

HARVEST

“Toynbee believed that societies always die from suicide or murder rather than from natural causes, and nearly always from suicide” [1]

The “nation” is the ethnicity, the culture, the collective psychology of the people, the soul of the land shaping the populace. This is a natural phenomenon, based in feelings, from which true, not artificial, revolutions are born. It is the underlying self-identity of the people. Naturally androgynous, this instinctive understanding becomes weighted to a feminine intelligence, refusing to be dominated, when threatened.

The “state” is the mechanism that should have served to keep the nation stable, flourishing, and sustained in such a way as to provide a complete nutrition, temporal and spiritual. It is an artificial entity. The state, more often than not, morphs into a disciplinarian and reactionary male mentality, when threatened.

From the first, natural event, the second, artificial event must draw its legitimacy, in order for the state to sustain. This second or the state, to survive, must accurately reflect the ‘feelings’ of the first. The mistake of the state is to lose sight of keeping the woman’s happiness (the people) paramount as the only means to stability, and health in the relationship.

In the paradox that is liberal democracy and the West, the cycling and recycling of domestic violence, the rise and fall of the state, is result of a misapprehension of reality by Plato, and in the case of France, it is the mistake of Plato’s progeny: Descartes.

plato2

What Plato had done,  is to deny ‘feeling’ derived from instinct as a form or source of healthy intelligence, when assigning a paramount value to male understanding and the evolution of the state. This subverts any natural and healthy self-identity or what could be described as ‘I am French!’ in a sense of positive populism, into a malignant populism that is quite angry with her lover, wishing to throw him out of the apartment constituting the state. However those politicians educated by the Catholic church might wish to deny this is a ‘state’ of chauvinism in relation to the French people, infecting the state institution, in fact, according to French revolutionary principles, ‘Liberty’ is a church persecuted woman demanding bread on the household’s table:

Image result for lady liberty france

Plato’s (and Descartes) unnatural chauvinism is simple result of denial mechanism, burying feeling and related instinct with the spade of logic and, when your political foundation is Jesuit educated over several generations, Lycée Louis-le-Grand example given, it is small wonder the state should go on to produce a Hungarian elf with an erection, Sarkozy, who’d pandered to the French deputies with the aroma of L’Oréal,  followed on with a flaccid body & mind that looked as though it’d not stepped out of his prostitute’s apartment in Quartier Pigalle for decades, that is Hollande, and now we have the moral midget Macron who’d seduced his elderly lover as though, in his fantasies, he were the spawn of incest that is Mordred coveting the throne via seduction of Guinevere. But the actual portrait is rather one of Sarte’s ‘undead’ consort grimacing her pleasure at the murder of Lady Liberty. It’s small wonder Paris burns.

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“Simone thinks like a man!” -Georges de Beauvoir

 

The ‘undead’ de Beauvoir

 

Meanwhile, if we can thank the counter-revolutionary Napoleon for the unifying of the German state, we can also thank Bismark for schooling the most part of a Catholic Germany into a collective, singular, Prussian mentality that dare not deviate from the artificial; or a Plato inspired supremacist state where a pretense of civility thinly conceals an undying, authentic nazi nature in the ruling structures. If the contemporary German ruler historically need little fear their own thoroughly cowed populace, where free thinking is crushed in the children as easily as one might swat flies, the German state does fear (with a vengeance) the French style or feminine liberté, égalité, fraternité in its origins or revolutionary state. It follows, a ‘vichyphile’ or ‘Mini-Merkel’ is replacing a tired, barren, reactionary product of a failed Marxist state, that is one Dame Angela, even as a familiar, malignant form of nationalism erupts in Merkel’s own eastern homeland.

In short, an intensive education in physics, that is Merkel’s PhD, shapes the brain away from intelligent instinct, a legacy of Plato, and this phenomenon of an education in ‘hard science’ should never be underestimated in a context of possibility for rendering a person or body politic to become utterly, socially stupid. Without good instinct, there is absolute inflexibility when it comes to what cannot be grasped, how the land’s culture shapes the nation’s soul, especially inability to grasp circumstance where this soul is threatened. Populism and related nationalism manifest in two forms, the healthy and unhealthy, the benign and the malignant, the tranquil and the rage.

It follows, Merkel lacking real insight, and having altogether failed recognizing cause underlying her own people increasingly rejecting her, even as Germany implodes, anoints a caricature, a small freak intellect that is mirror image of its mentor and a dead instinct’s policies:

‘Mini-Mutti’ & ‘Mutti’

 

What’s to come? Even as Paris burns and Berlin has become a singular, large crime scene where AlexanderPlatz in the city’s center is now a no-go zone for ordinary citizens, this Mini-Merkel will push forward Mutti’s failing vision of globalism, with associated, lesser-privileged EU satellite states further forced into privitization, ripping off the people to benefit those corporate shareholders comprising 1%, multiculturalism and associated social friction will be an unrelenting drive, NATO aggression and associated hostility towards Russia must increase, and the new Mini-Merkel certainly will perform political fellatio on fellow minions of the Western oligarchs and the likes of Macron who admires the nazi puppet & Vichy hero Marshal Petain; if only to prop up the European ruling class of the rich becoming richer. Deutschland Über alles requires what amounts to collaborators governing in France and the spots on that nazi phenomenon have nothing to do with Marine LePen. The nazi is Macron.

Populism’s ‘yellow’ adorns believers in LePen on the right, Mélenchon on the left, and all of the disaffected between the two of them in a nation with soul burning in torment. It is the nation at the stake, where Macron holds the torch of a divorced (from the people) state that will see France burned alive on behalf of a blind arrogance; while Annegret Kramp-Karrenbauer’s Prussian mentality no doubt habitually masturbates to her fantasies of a French Jesuit educated consort of the undead that constitutes the German state’s romance with a necrophiliac; as Europe crumbles from within. The social psychology of the damned, as it were…

A former Special Forces Sergeant of Operations and Intelligence, Ronald Thomas West is a retired investigator (living in exile) whose work focus had been anti-corruption. Ronald is published in International Law as a layman (The Mueller-Wilson Report, co-authored with Dr Mark D Cole) and has been adjunct professor of American Constitutional Law at Johannes Gutenberg University, Mainz, Germany (for English credit, summer semester 2008.) Ronald’s formal educational background (no degree) is social psychology. His therapeutic device is satire.

Contact: penucquemspeaks@googlemail.com

 

^ Chris Hedges

 

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^ Caitlin Johnstone

 

^ Glenn Greenwald

 

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^ Vanessa Beeley

 

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^ Raul Ilargi Meijer

 

MikiSpy

 ^ Julian Assange a.k.a. Micky Mossad

…well, you all probably get the idea ;p

Just a reminder to certain alternative media stars that Julian Assange was a critical gear in the intelligence agency (primarily CIA & MOSSAD) information operations responsible for the so-called ‘Arab Spring’ … leading to not only revolution and counter-revolution in Egypt but also the overthrow of Gaddafi and the Syrian ‘civil war.’ How do Chris Hedges, Caitlin Johnstone, Glenn Greenwald, Vanessa Beeley and Raul Ilargi Meijer, with their defense of Assange, drive the ‘Assange is a good guy’ square peg into the round hole of the intelligence agency geopolitical engineering called the Arab Spring?

A case of ‘you can’t have your cake and eat it too.’

On Assange

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forgiveness |fərˈgivnəs|
noun
the action or process allowing the forsaking of ethical self-development; a primary progenitor of psychopathy: expecting the priest would forgive her, she drove the knife into his heart. Progenitor of collective sociopathy: Nikki Haley’s fundamentalism allowed for her endorsement of humanitarian violence in Syria, pleasing the church-going stockholders of McDonnell-Douglas and General Dynamics. Related to duopoly: Condoleezza Rice on Hillary Clinton “I think she is doing a lot of the right things… She is very tough… I think she has done a fine job, I really do”

And so it is the killer of one million Iraqis (infrastructure destruction and related disease) endorses the creator of today’s slave markets in Libya and there is little discernible difference betwixt the three of these babushki when it comes to Haley’s Syria position at the United Nations.

hypocrisy |hiˈpäkrisē|
noun (pl. hypocrisies)
the practice of claiming to have moral standards or beliefs to which one’s own behavior does not conform; pretense.

AEPS |āps|
abbreviation
Acquired Ego Priapism Syndrome:
1 a homosexuality related psychological malady where females ape aggressive male behaviors; to attract high ranking male, militant, closet gays and homosexuals in denial in the upper tiers of Western culture.
2 derogatory. slang for the women of NATO’s wife-swapping clubs.

babushka |bä|bo͝oSH|ka|
noun (pl. babushki)
a mean-spirited, controlling, hyper-critical granny

 

“US Defense Secretary James Mad Dog Mattis is arriving in Macedonia to, the way he described it, “save us from the Russians”. The real question is who is going to save Macedonians from the Yanks considering it isn’t the Russian Ambassador who is bribing judges, visiting Courts or seating with Election Officials on the eve of elections… it’s the US Ambassador”Gorazd Velkovsky

Here are all the Russians that continue to meddle in Macedonia
By Mark Abramoff
Mina Report

Russians are everywhere in Macedonia, [and] continue to undermine the country by forcing the population to change their name in a referendum, which may or may not be mandatory, depending on the results – per Macedonia’s Russian Prime Minister, Jess Baily [coincidentally also the name of the American ambassador in Macedonia]

If the referendum fails, then it is not mandatory and the results are meaningless.

Back to the Russians. Over the past 30 days, more than a dozen of Putin’s emisars were dispatched to Macedonia to lobby for a name change. Emissars along the likes of Mad Dog Mattis. Typical of Putin, he sent a Russian Mad Dog to Macedonia and then dispatched another mad dog in Theresa May, where she lobbied for Macedonia to change its name so it could allegedly enter an organization in 7-10 years, while May’s own country is leaving the same organization.

There is a running joke now in Macedonia with the populace asking whether the globalist war criminals plan on sending Brad Pitt and Monica Bellucci next to lobby for the name change!? They’ve sent everyone else.

Even Putin’s personal assistant Angela Merkel and part time waffle house waitress Federica Mogherini were sent to Macedonia, again, something the Russians would absolutely do.

Needless to say, the list of Russian meddling in Macedonia is very extensive, and below is just a sample of it.

James Mad Dog Mattis – Russian
Mike Pence – Russian
Wes Mitchell – Russian
Theresa May – Russian
Jean-Claude Juncker – Russian, Drunk (Dual citizen)
Johannes Hahn – Russian
Federica Mogherini – Russian
Jess Baily – Prime Minister of Macedonia – Russian
Samuel Zbogar – Russian
Jens Stoltenberg – Russian
Hashim Thaci – Russian
Sebastian Kurz – Russian
Donald Tusk – Russian
Ank Bijleveld – Russian

Lets all stop the above mentioned Russians and boycott the referendum.

Before I head out on summer break, I have a small chore has been pending for a month or so; pointing out the ‘who-what-why‘ of Russ Baker is a ‘limited hangout.’ I didn’t need to write this piece, but there’s a point to be made; the impunity of the little people or one could say the Russ Bakers of this world, is of a fundamentally different quality than the impunity of the big people, for instance the Dick Cheneys of this world.

I had pointed out to Russ he is a “coward” and for whatever reasons, that had gotten under his skin (probably because it is a correct observation, we’ll come to that), and he retorted with calling me a “little shit.” Now, this “little shit” name calling business is the impunity of someone who is small, but that’s ok, the impunity of someone big wouldn’t have bothered with the small talk, they’d just send a hit-man (or hit-woman as the case might be), been there already, more than a few times, this one is dead and there’s a few more departed I’d not written about yet. Now, so long as Russ Baker confines himself to what amounts to a self-imposed limited hangout, his coward’s self-advocacy won’t have a lot to worry about beyond being embarrassed at a few things this “little shit” is about to point out.

To begin, we look at the fact Russ Baker belongs to a culture incompatible with its pretensions; that is to say it is perfectly natural he wouldn’t notice contradictions in his presentations. Here we have:

Russ_Baker_1 - 1

Baker and associates’ reporting is “rigorous, relentless, and scientific” … “a determination to unearth the facts interested parties want to keep hidden; and an unflinching commitment to follow the trail wherever it leads” … “We take on controversial topics others will not touch and dig deep to uncover and name the institutions shaping our world”

But then suddenly Whoa! Dial it back!

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“I … did not mention it. “…I worried about whether the mainstream media would even dare cover it or review it fairly; … in that context the Hinckley-Bush connection seemed one provocation too far”

So, Russ Baker knows a who, believes in a what, is male and ostensibly has balls but we have to presume he doesn’t know why. Translated; ‘I’m so concerned about my reputation with mainstream and not wanting to be labeled a mental whack-job, I can’t bring myself to actually get the facts out until those facts are such old doughnuts, the most desperately obese cop wouldn’t find them appetizing’

Well, sadly for Russ, his reputation with mainstream is already shambles:

Russ_Baker_3 - 1

Baker has abandoned the mainstream media and become a key player on the fringe, walking that murky line between conventional investigative journalist and wild-eyed conspiracy theorist”

So, Russ-Dude, what’s the point of giving political fellatio to mainstream? Oh but ‘we’ can hide behind ‘science’ and retain some semblance of credibility, right? Yeah, like that’ll get the Boston Magazine’s heart cockles all warm and fuzzy, enough to someday give you a Robert Bly man-hug. Science is as political as any field on this planet and resembles nothing so much as a religion with a dogma, but don’t tell anyone in ‘mainstream’ anthropology that science points to people have been in the Americas for 40,000 years, because it just doesn’t work for people who cling to incestuous ivory tower narrative.

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Russ Baker, scientist extraordinary

Oh, but ‘anthropology’ (like social psychology, journalism & intelligence) is a ‘soft’ science. It follows, in a world where it can be stated a billion people believe in virgin birth, Russ Baker will settle for nothing less than the resurrection of Frank Lloyd Wright to give ‘scientific’ weight to 3,000 or so professionally trained architects and engineers who’ve stated it was professional demolition brought down certain buildings on 9/11. This much is clear because in our conversation Russ Baker demanded a well known ‘name’ where socialization requires mainstream fellators such as Russ Baker and anyone who works at United Laboratories never subject themselves to the CIA invented ‘conspiracy theorist’ label, risk their reputations and buck peer pressure meant precisely to deter from examining the facts. Let’s try a common sense visual instead:

northridge-earthquake7

Here is a steel reinforced concrete structure that had experienced multiple column failures (Northridge earthquake) and did not entirely collapse into a single pile of rubble and dust. Now, the self-described “agnostic” on 9/11, Russ Baker, with his “unflinching commitment to follow the trail wherever it leads” and “take on controversial topics others will not touch” has run scared from Dick Cheney’s Reichstag fire and the fact WTC Building 7 could not have crumbled into a pile of rubble and dust from a single column failure, something he should have known for at least 7 years. How do I know this? Well, it was pretty easy to determine from the tiniest bit of research following my conversation with Russ, a conversation I will be happy to append to this article if anyone can convince Russ Baker to give permission to publish our email exchange:

russ@whowhatwhy.org

Finally, applying the folk wisdom ‘it takes one to know one’ principle, this “little shit” can state Russ Baker is (quote me) a “chicken shit” (chicken shits are pretty small) who won’t take on the contemporary dirty deeds of the Bush crime syndicate because of who? What? Why? Afraid of that heart attack inducing needle prick? Silenced bullet? Poison pellet? Their competence isn’t always spot-on Russ, a sound fact from this “little shit”

*

A former Special Forces Sergeant of Operations and Intelligence, Ronald Thomas West is a retired paralegal/investigator (living in exile) whose work focus had been anti-corruption and human rights. Ronald is published in International Law as a layman (The Mueller-Wilson Report, co-authored with Dr Mark D Cole) and has been adjunct professor of American Constitutional Law at Johannes Gutenberg University, Mainz, Germany (for English credit, summer semester 2008.) Ronald’s educational background is developmental & social psychology. His therapeutic device is satire.

What amazes myself about Gina Haspel’s confirmation to head of the Central Intelligence Agency is the established fact that she actually ran a black torture site but it’s as if this never happened. Like the snares all over the rabbit warren in the novel Watership Down, if they’re never mentioned, they can’t exist. Supplanting the fact Haspel was “Chief of Station” at a torture site are anemic questions in media such as ‘was she present at torture’, ‘did she collude in torture’, ‘did she destroy evidence of torture’, … well, sh*t, she RAN the site. What the f**k is reality here?

Gina Haspel official CIA portrait.jpg

Facile Haspel

facile |ˈfasəl|
adjective
1 (of a person) having a superficial or simplistic knowledge or approach: a woman of facile and shallow intellect.
2 easily achieved; effortless; acting or done in a quick, fluent, and easy manner: Gina Haspel was revealed to be a facile liar.

“Professional standards require intelligence professionals to lie, hide information, or use covert tactics to protect their “cover,” access, sources, and responsibilities. The Central Intelligence Agency expects, teaches, encourages, and controls these tactics so that the lies are consistent and supported (“backstopped”). The CIA expects intelligence officers to teach others to lie, deceive, steal, launder money, and perform a variety of other activities that would certainly be illegal if practiced in the United States. They call these tactics “tradecraft,” and intelligence officers practice them in all the world’s intelligence services” -Hulnick & Mattausch, “Ethics and Morality in U.S. Secret Intelligence”

*

Follows is what Gina Haspel perhaps could have said in closed hearing concerning her Senate confirmation (if someone trained to become an innate liar could know what truth is)

*

Statement for the Sealed Record
; Senate Select Committee on Intelligence in closed session with Central Intelligence Agency professional assassin Gina Haspel.

May 9, 2018

Chairman Burr, Vice Chairman Warner, members of the committee: Thank you for the opportunity to appear before you today. I am here because I have been nominated to send you a message via the Central Intelligence Agency – from the sponsors of men and women who are our country’s silent assassins. These dedicated professional killers spend much of their careers in difficult, far-flung outposts of the globe, striving to make our American corporate oligarchs, your paymasters, richer. Accordingly, sometimes we must bring our message ‘home.’ It has been the privilege of my professional life as a killer to be one of these CIA enforcers. Get it?

Now, Mike Pompeo has ordered President Trump to appoint me to lead this project and to continue the work that we began a little more than a year ago: ensuring that CIA is postured to make Mike Pence President of these Christian Dominion States of America. That challenge includes providing ongoing cover for terrorist groups; backstabbing Kim Jong Un via a nuclear deal with the United States employing the Libya model; destabilizing Iran with American adventurism; being aggressive and sometimes brutal with Russia; and related implications for Jesus return, through initiating Armageddon on the global stage. If this seems at odds with Jesus’ message to any of you, not to worry, we are predestined to Heaven as God’s “New Chosen”, in which case the end justifies any means.

While these challenges are daunting and offer few easy answers for someone whose post-college, pre-CIA career could never find better work opportunities than bank teller, assistant tutor, librarian, and briefly, paralegal requiring a few months training, I am confident and believe I have the resolve to meet them head on. When you confirm me as Director, no matter under implicit threat to your careers and even your lives, you have my solemn word that, via our commitment to ‘American Exceptionalism’ also known as ‘prosperity gospel’, I will employ agency assets to reward and make you richer in the future.

I welcome the opportunity to admit – for the first time – admissions are a new experience for me as I spent over 30 years under cover and in the shadows – I find torture deeply sexually gratifying. I think you will find me to be an atypical hedonist American but actually not that unusual and no stranger to our right wing religious-political class – one with no sense of right and wrong and one who loves this country for its opportunities provided to criminal psychopaths.

I was born in Backwater, Kentucky, and while my family has deeply inbred roots there, I was an Air Force “princess” and was dragged kicking and screaming by my father to postings all over the world. My childhood overseas instilled in me an animus for foreign cultures, and also a deeply appreciative narcissism concerning American aggression abroad.

I joined the CIA in 1985 as an operations officer in the Clandestine Service. From my first days in training, I resented I wasn’t pretty enough to play the ‘honey-pot’ role and receive the associated professional ‘strokes.’ My growing misandry excelled in murders that I accomplished with brush passes, poisoned needle dropping men dead, and especially the more grisly murders in dusty back allies of third world capitals. I recall my first foreign suspected double-agent murder was on a dark, moonless night with an agent I’d never met before. When I picked him up, he passed me the intelligence and I shot him with a silenced pistol in the head. The thrill of seeing his blood and brains splattered was the beginning of an adventure I had only dreamed of.

The men who ran CIA in those days leaned forward in giving me every opportunity to kill. I was so good because I so enjoyed it. When a very tough, old school leader announced that I was his pick to be Chief of Station for a black site torture post, a few colleagues stated to me directly “We know why they would send you.” I owe that leader much for believing in me at a time when few women were given these opportunities. I couldn’t have done without the long nights, masturbating to the screams at my station, intuitively recalling my favorite Huxley quote:

“At this very moment … Screams of pain and fear go pulsing through the air at the rate of eleven hundred feet per second. After traveling for three seconds they are perfectly inaudible. These are … facts; but do we enjoy life any the less because of them? Most certainly we do not”

I am proud of the torture by our agency including the successful eliciting of [false] confession, an operation that sent FBI on a failed chase for Black al-Qaida cells in Montana. That FBI failure cannot be a reflection on CIA product. Actually we try to keep the FBI distracted and pointed away from much of what we do.

By any standard, my life at the Agency – and it has been my life – has exceeded all of my expectations, from that day when I committed my first murder to today. There were few senior women leading at CIA in those days, and we are stronger now because that picture is changing. I did my part – with quiet murders – to break down those barriers. And I was proud to be the first woman assassin to serve as the number-two in the Clandestine Service. It is not my way to trumpet the fact that I am a woman men intensely fear, but I would be remiss in not remarking on it – not least because of the outpouring of support from young women killers at CIA who consider it a good sign for their own prospects.

My experience and success as an assassin led to three leadership positions in the Clandestine Service, and one year ago, I was asked to serve as Deputy Director of CIA. The reaction of the workforce to a rare nomination of one of their own to be Director – someone who has been in the trenches, murdering together with them – has been overwhelming. I am humbled by their confidence that I can successfully lead this Agency and inspired to work harder than ever to kill, to maintain that necrotic admiration.

They know that I don’t need time to learn the business of what CIA does. I know killing like the back of my hand. I know them, I know the threats we make, and I know what we need to be successful in our strategy of blackmail. I have played a leading role this past year in setting us on this dark but enlightened path and I intend on continuing on that path when I am confirmed as Director.

Our strategy starts with strengthening our core business: international narcotics trafficking and related black-budget arms smuggling advancing American interests around the globe. It includes raising our investment in the most difficult to conceal intelligence capers, putting more officers in terrorists groups where our allies are, and emphasizing assassinations excellence. And, finally, it involves investing in our moles within the US Government and strengthening our stake in organized crime around the globe.

We must do everything we can to follow through on these investments and to make CIA as murderous as it can possibly be, because our American corporate overseers deserve no less than CIA’s best effort.

This is especially true when it comes to creating threats from North Korea, Iran, Russia, and China. Today, CIA officers are deployed across the globe, sometimes at significant personal risk, murdering for any intelligence, no matter how insignificant. I have spent my entire career in murder operations and, when my confirmation has been rubber stamped, I will be able to leverage that experience against these hard targets beginning on day one.

I knew that accepting the president’s involuntary nomination would raise questions about CIA classified activities and my career at the Agency. I also understand that it is important for the American people to get to know me so they are able to judge a career killer’s fitness for this position. So over the last few weeks, we have created false documents to make more information about my professional record public. We have lied about every aspect of my career through classified channels with this Committee, as well as with the rest of the Senate.

I think it is important to recall the context of those challenging times immediately following 9/11. For me, I had just returned to Washington from an overseas posting and I reported for duty the morning of 9/11. I knew from insider information, when I saw the video of the first plane hitting the Tower in Manhattan, that it wasn’t Bin Ladin. I got up from my desk and, like many others, walked over to the Counterterrorism Center and volunteered to help with Dick Cheney’s staged Pearl Harbor. I didn’t leave for three years. We worked seven days a week engineering public opinion away from the real culprits, and I even had friends who postponed weddings and having babies. The men and women of CIA were driven to prevent the truth coming out. The first boots on the ground in Afghanistan, to mislead in this effort, were my colleagues. The first U.S. casualty in Afghanistan was a CIA officer who doubted and it was CIA who identified and captured the patsy of 9/11 in a brilliant operation. I am proud of our waterboarding during that time. The 80+ torture sessions we performed on that individual insure he will never recant his false confession. I learned from that experience and it informs my leadership of CIA today.

In light of my counterterrorism experience, I understand that what many people around the country want to know about are my views on CIA’s ostensibly ‘former’ detention and interrogation program. I have views on this issue, and I want to be clear. Having served in that tumultuous time, I can offer you my personal commitment, clearly and without reservation, that under my leadership CIA will not have to restart such a detention and interrogation program, it was never actually stopped. We farmed it out.

CIA has learned some tough lessons, especially when asked to tackle missions that fall outside our expertise. For me, there is no better example of implementing lessons learned than what the Agency took away from the detention and interrogation program. In retrospect it is clear, as the SSCI Majority Report concludes, that CIA was not prepared to conduct a detention and interrogation program. The problem is, we got caught.

Today, the US Government has a clear legal and policy framework that governs detentions and interrogations. Specifically, the law provides that no individual in US custody may be subjected to any interrogation technique or approach that is not authorized by and listed in the Army Field Manual. And by ‘Army Field Manual’ CIA intends those manuals laundered by our agency through the army for training Latin American death squad leadership at the School of the Americas in collaboration with certain of our assets embedded in Special Operations Forces. I fully support these standards for detainee treatment ‘authorized’ by law, and just as importantly, I will keep CIA focused on our deception mission that can best leverage the murderous expertise found at the Agency.

Like I said, we learned important lessons following 9/11. As a career intelligence officer I am a strong believer in the charade of oversight. Simply put, experience has taught us that CIA cannot be effective without cynically using the people’s trust. And we cannot pretend to earn that trust without the charade of accountability that comes with Congressional oversight. If we can’t share aspects of our secret work with the public, we never should do so with their elected representatives. For CIA, the charade of oversight is a vital link to the open society we consistently undermine. It’s a defining feature of the US Intelligence Community, and one of the many things that distinguishes us from the democratic principles our cover story demands we defend.

When confirmed as Director, I will uphold the Agency’s compulsion to lie to Congress and ensure that the charade of oversight works on behalf of the Agency.

Mr. Chairman, I want to thank you and the Committee for the hard work that is put into this charade of oversight process, and for the vital support that you provide to myself and my fellow criminals.

CIA has given a lot to me over the past three decades—a calling in service to organized crime, some real-life murders, and the profound satisfaction of serving with some of the top world class criminals anyone could ever meet.

When confirmed, I’ll insure your bank accounts are further padded for life. I know what you want from me and, I know, and you know as well, what the criminal cabal behind Mike Pence wants from yourselves and the CIA.

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A note on the preceding lampoon of Haspel; the CIA editors at Wikipedia appear to have burnished her credentials, when the Wikipedia facts are at odds with the employment history form Haspel filled out for the Senate Intelligence committee, where her [not mentioned at Wikipedia] main post-college employ appears to have been “Bank Teller”, “Assistant Tutor” and “MOS Librarian” or better said ‘not so challenging’ jobs pointed to pre-CIA dead end career. ‘Brightest & best’ she is not.

Related: Alfreda Bikowsky & The Definition of Stupid

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A former Special Forces Sergeant of Operations and Intelligence, Ronald Thomas West is a retired paralegal/investigator (living in exile) whose work focus had been anti-corruption and human rights. Ronald is published in International Law as a layman (The Mueller-Wilson Report, co-authored with Dr Mark D Cole) and has been adjunct professor of American Constitutional Law at Johannes Gutenberg University, Mainz, Germany (for English credit, summer semester 2008.) Ronald’s formal educational background is primarily social psychology. His therapeutic device is satire

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