Archives for category: comedy

Bing Crosby is crooning “I’m dreaming of a White Christmas…” ’24’ is on TV with the sound off. Don reaches over and places his hand gently above Dick’s knee, and softly says “Do you recall Ben Bonk’s sob story?

Cheney puts his hand over Don’s and gives an affectionate squeeze. “I laughed to tears…” The next day they went quail hunting.

Free speech clown series

fsc2

Don Rumsfeld & Dick Cheney’s Dog

You all have heard of the first grade primer ‘Dick and Jane’? Well, as fate would have it, Dick did not grow up to love Jane, because Dick (like Don) matured into a homosexual in denial, or “RRR” (sounds like a Rottweiler growl), one of those closet morality, socially/sexually frustrated and consequently mean people known as a Religious Right Republican.

So, this has to be an adult repressed homosexual ‘dick’, or machismo porn variation, of the ‘Dick and Jane’ story. Consequently, the story of how Don Rumsfeld met his demise, because of Dick Cheney’s dog, is pretty screwed up.

It’s called: Don and ‘dick’

Rumsfeld was visiting ‘big dick’ Cheney at Cheney’s ‘spread’ in Wyoming, Cheney was wishing he could have shot George Bush in the face with his shotgun because the coward George flinched and did not pull the trigger on Iran…

While reminiscing missed opportunities at initiating Armageddon, wishing they could have shot more people in the face, especially more Arabs, and about their longing for certain fascists to be in their lives, past and present, secular and religious.. among other things, Rummy suddenly asked ‘big dick’ why his Rottweiler, “Machismo”, was always chained by his kennel.

Mean people have mean dogs and, Dick explained to Don that “Machismo” had an edge about him, Machismo simply could not be trusted around visitors. Dick went on to explain how he wished it were otherwise and how he wished Machismo could be trusted to obey him and only tear apart people that he did not like, he’d tried dog trainers but they cost him money, too much money, because Machismo took a chuck of flesh out of all of them, every dog trainer he had tried. His insurance premiums had gone sky high, all on account of Machismo.

Rumsfeld: “Why don’t you get a different dog?”

Cheney: “Because I love my Machismo.”

Then Don had an idea.

Rumsfeld: “Hey Dick, there is the Arapaho Indian Reservation right up the road, why don’t you get a Medicine Man to take the edge off your Machismo? I saw on the Discovery Channel the Indians can talk to animals, you know they are all devil worshippers, so maybe there is something to it.”

Dick’s eyes brightened considerably, an amazing thing, as though a light had turned on upstairs, but then his brow furrowed back to normal, as though nobody were home.

Cheney: “That’s the problem. They are all devil worshipers, you know, Indians are sorcerers like the Old Testament forbids be ‘found among us.’”

So Don and Dick discussed that and came up with a solution. If they were not at Dick’s ‘spread’ while the medicine man worked with Dick’s Machismo, the sorcerer would not be found ‘among them’ and it would all be ok in the end, because St Paul had said “All things work together for good” for Christians like Don and Dick. So they sent a Secret Service agent to find a medicine man with an explanation of how Dick would like the edge taken off of his Machismo, and then went quail hunting, so the Indian sorcerer would not be ‘found among them.’

The secret service agent found a medicine man, a Blackfoot married to an Arapaho and living in Wyoming, a typical dumb Indian, who with a look of stunned disbelief, kept asking the agent again and again “What!?” After the agent had identified himself four times and explained Dick Cheney wanted the edge taken off his Machismo eight times, a light filled this Blackfoot Indian’s eyes, this agent was serious, and the devil was right at home.

Indians know when the gods deliver the opportunity of  a lifetime, and this was opportunity at redemption. It had been awhile since the medicine men had been noticed, that is, the now days scarce authentic ones, and the agent had stumbled onto the real McCoy. First and foremost, this Indian believed in the Native law of reciprocity and well knew how it worked, something the Whitemen had not sorted out since Jesus had told them about it two millennia ago: “As you sow, so shall you reap.”

In this Indian’s world view, the opportunity was all about deliverance, and the attending attrition from any consequence, a sort of natural quantum mechanics shamanic death manifest by friendly fire, simply would have to be tolerated, because the medicine men are all about manifesting truth, and this native cultural idea taken together with the dogs name, set out the path to healing Dick’s Machismo: The dog would have to be taught how to enjoy narcissistic sex, instead of biting people.

Initially, the medicine man realized he would have to endure Machismo’s instinct to hump his leg, that was disturbing, but to reach the goal beyond… The Indian told the agent, well, ok, he would do it for ‘dick.’ The agent missed the straight faced Indian humor… and utterly failed his agency’s chartered mandate.

Indians are observational people, primarily, and know the purpose of dog butt sniffing rituals, sort of like when a Blackfoot and Cree spot each other from across a boulevard in downtown Calgary, the hair goes up on both backs and both Indians are thinking to the other “You can sniff my butt” in a historical context, and it is not a friendly thought. The actual butt sniffing between them is purely psychic, preceding any challenge and fight, and the medicine man doctoring Dick’s Machismo would need to circumvent this phenomena to achieve his aims. So sorcery came into play. He collected urine from a bitch in heat, rubbed a little of it on his knee, and bringing more along in a vial, he traveled to heal Dick’s Machismo.

The dog was very happy to see him, no hostility or butt sniffing ritual encountered at all, the Indian told the agent he had to work with the dog alone, brought out a plastic baby rattle wrapped in leather with a few strings with beads, to look convincing, and Dick’s fundamentalist christian body guard was more than happy to leave. Then this Indian began to work with Dick’s Machismo… “Now Machismo, my leg is a good beginning, but we have to show you something, you don’t need my leg or me at all, you can do this all for yourself- just follow her scent to where it feels so right….”

In Blackfoot language we have a word, I don’t know how to spell it in the Whiteman’s language, but it sounds something like oww-woe-tops and it means you are crazy and “everyone knows the Whiteman is crazy” is a Blackfoot proverb proven again and again, example given, Dick Cheney hiring an Indian that hates him, as every Indian should, to tame his Machismo. There is another Blackfoot word I dare not try to pronounce here, but it means “Dog Face.” It is about as bad as Blackfeet language profanity gets, and it is not as tame as it might seem, initially. The term refers to a certain facial expression…

Don and Dick were headed back to Dicks ‘spread’, the agent had called and told them the medicine man had pronounced Dick’s Machismo healed and was leaving, and as fate would have it, the medicine man, and Don and Dick, passed each other on the dirt and gravel country road, the Indian pushing his 1968 Chevy pickup named the “Red Jet” as hard as he could, the worn out 327 V-8 boiling blue smoke into the dust storm he was whipping up behind him, windows down, braids flying, wild eyed panic combined with a maniacal mirth at his crime, co-mingled with prayers to all the gods that he WOULD escape… thinking when he saw Don and Dick “you can sniff my butt” while trying to put on as many miles as he could, as fast as he could, to escape Dick’s ‘spread.’ Don said “God Damn”, Dick in the same moment saying “he must have brought along his whiskey”…

Dick and Don, walking to the kennel, turned a corner bringing Machismo into view in that very moment Machismo was swallowing it, gulping himself down with a certain facial expression… Don had a sudden epiphany, and he exclaimed “Machismo sucks!”, and Dick’s perpetual grimace of hate torqued down to the point it actually broke his primitive semblance of a mind, he pulled his permitted concealed weapon…

The camera pans away to the beautiful red rock cliffs of Wyoming, there was a first shot echoed together with Machismo’s dying yelp, Don shouted “NO!” and the second shot was heard… a pause.. the third shot sounded and America never heard Dick Cheney say “Terror” again.

In the here-after, for all of eternity, Don repeated “Look Dick, look. See Machismo suck!” And for all of eternity Dick shot Machismo and Don, again and again and could not kill them or himself (because they were already dead.)

The Secret Service agent kept his mouth shut about his role in the cause behind the Rumsfeld/Cheney murder/suicide, and no one came after the medicine man who laughed for years, again and again like a child, every time he recalled:

“you can sniff my butt”

*

CheneyAztec

HARVEST

 

^ Chris Hedges

 

1 - 1

^ Caitlin Johnstone

 

^ Glenn Greenwald

 

2 - 1

^ Vanessa Beeley

 

3 - 1

^ Raul Ilargi Meijer

 

MikiSpy

 ^ Julian Assange a.k.a. Micky Mossad

…well, you all probably get the idea ;p

Just a reminder to certain alternative media stars that Julian Assange was a critical gear in the intelligence agency (primarily CIA & MOSSAD) information operations responsible for the so-called ‘Arab Spring’ … leading to not only revolution and counter-revolution in Egypt but also the overthrow of Gaddafi and the Syrian ‘civil war.’ How do Chris Hedges, Caitlin Johnstone, Glenn Greenwald, Vanessa Beeley and Raul Ilargi Meijer, with their defense of Assange, drive the ‘Assange is a good guy’ square peg into the round hole of the intelligence agency geopolitical engineering called the Arab Spring?

A case of ‘you can’t have your cake and eat it too.’

On Assange

*

“US Defense Secretary James Mad Dog Mattis is arriving in Macedonia to, the way he described it, “save us from the Russians”. The real question is who is going to save Macedonians from the Yanks considering it isn’t the Russian Ambassador who is bribing judges, visiting Courts or seating with Election Officials on the eve of elections… it’s the US Ambassador”Gorazd Velkovsky

Here are all the Russians that continue to meddle in Macedonia
By Mark Abramoff
Mina Report

Russians are everywhere in Macedonia, [and] continue to undermine the country by forcing the population to change their name in a referendum, which may or may not be mandatory, depending on the results – per Macedonia’s Russian Prime Minister, Jess Baily [coincidentally also the name of the American ambassador in Macedonia]

If the referendum fails, then it is not mandatory and the results are meaningless.

Back to the Russians. Over the past 30 days, more than a dozen of Putin’s emisars were dispatched to Macedonia to lobby for a name change. Emissars along the likes of Mad Dog Mattis. Typical of Putin, he sent a Russian Mad Dog to Macedonia and then dispatched another mad dog in Theresa May, where she lobbied for Macedonia to change its name so it could allegedly enter an organization in 7-10 years, while May’s own country is leaving the same organization.

There is a running joke now in Macedonia with the populace asking whether the globalist war criminals plan on sending Brad Pitt and Monica Bellucci next to lobby for the name change!? They’ve sent everyone else.

Even Putin’s personal assistant Angela Merkel and part time waffle house waitress Federica Mogherini were sent to Macedonia, again, something the Russians would absolutely do.

Needless to say, the list of Russian meddling in Macedonia is very extensive, and below is just a sample of it.

James Mad Dog Mattis – Russian
Mike Pence – Russian
Wes Mitchell – Russian
Theresa May – Russian
Jean-Claude Juncker – Russian, Drunk (Dual citizen)
Johannes Hahn – Russian
Federica Mogherini – Russian
Jess Baily – Prime Minister of Macedonia – Russian
Samuel Zbogar – Russian
Jens Stoltenberg – Russian
Hashim Thaci – Russian
Sebastian Kurz – Russian
Donald Tusk – Russian
Ank Bijleveld – Russian

Lets all stop the above mentioned Russians and boycott the referendum.

Demons Anonymous

Lucy: Good evening, my name is Lucille Lustrous, you all can call me Lucy. I’ll be moderating the group. My addiction is cross-dressing and I’d become quite famous as Lucifer until a bohemian writer, Aleksander Wat, un-masked the fact I’m a figment of the Human imagination. Subsequently unemployed, I reinvented myself as Charlie Chaplin and now I play Eric Cartman. But here at the group we drop our artifice and this is the one evening a week I am a woman. Sorry for the aroma of sulfur in the room, this is a bit of fantasy that seems to cling to my presence but I assure you all, when each of us has overcome our addiction to negative imagination, the aroma should dissipate. We’ll go counter-clockwise with the self-introductions, please give a short description of your persona, your addictions and your imagined goals for yourself within this group

Pompositee: Hi, thank you for that, Lucy. My prayer is, bless us all when we no longer imagine the aroma of sulfur! My name is Pompositee Succubus. Since I watched Warner Brothers classic cartoons as a child, I’ve always felt I am actually Bugs Bunny in drag. My addiction is Christian fundamentalism as it applies to torturing children and my persona is school principal. My goal is to imagine the Lord’s purpose in why so many of my students end in prison.

The Donald: Hello everyone and yes-siree indeed, I’ll tweet “You’re fired!” over this aroma of sulfur, and please, no hugs from Pompositee, she looks like a rabid bat! Whew!!! My name is The Donald, I’m a prisoner of ‘The Chosen’ and please don’t let my phony apprenticeship at the White House fail to impress you. Mentored by mafiosos, my stilted ego demands I wear eye candy on my arm, no matter Melania has the stunted mentality of a superstitious Slovenian villager. My persona is leader of the free world and my addictions of office are a generic menu of geopolitical humanitarian violence, covert dirty wars & associated regime change favoring certain extremist yidiots, related false-flag chemical attacks, erecting walls that eventually will keep people in, not out; all the while giving political fellatio to my keepers while working to master societal lies feeding false hope to White people clinging to delusion of Christian supremacy. My goal is fantasy of actually exercising powers of office without a Pentagon Luger at my head and Bibi’s Uzi pushed in my back.

Bibi: I’m Benjamin Netanyahu but you can just call me Bibi. I’m a failed Jewish comedian who couldn’t get his foot in the door anywhere on Kazinczy Street in Budapest. My recent best joke is inviting Europe’s Jews to migrate en mass to Israel because that should make them feel safer. I’ll lottery them all tickets onto buses that might not see knife attacks, to visit cafés that possibly won’t explode, while I pose as a waiter who asks ‘is anything all right?’ And yes, when provoking Russia to a war of world annihilation in neighboring Syria, we provide everyone in Israel with gas masks in case the al-Qaida actors we supply turn on us with a chemical weapons attack; which also should work well against this reeking sulfur … oy gevalt … I’ve never encountered anything so stink! Breathing through my mouth, I can taste it!! My addiction is defrauding the state for junk-food & ice cream delivered to my office and my compulsion is a deep anger at my involuntary homosexual attraction to Iran’s ayatollahs, making me the world’s number one nuclear armed madman geopolitics has to take seriously. My goal is to keep the computerized vote fraud in Israel undetected and undermine investigations into organized crime propping up my ruling coalition.

homer-simpson-mooning

Bub: Hi, thank you all for sharing. I’m Beelzebub, you all can call me ‘Bub.’ My persona is demon responsible for all of the shit gone wrong in this world since man made god in man’s image, resulting in Bibi giving us the moon, mooning us, however you’d like to put it. Well, actually I mean since Bibi and Pompositee’s wedding at AIPAC. Or we can embrace both thoughts, they’re not dissimilar. My addiction is ham and lima beans soup, this gives me silent & wicked sulfurous farts, I like to imagine none of you is offended.

Lucy: Bub! You’ve just cheated the imagination of the entire group!!

*

Mephisto

Hello, my name is Ronald, you all can call me Ron. My persona is Mephisto, my addiction is satire and my goal is to offend every politician possible while lifting the curtain on how & why you all suck.

The Satires

*

A former Special Forces Sergeant of Operations and Intelligence, Ronald Thomas West is a retired paralegal/investigator (living in exile) whose work focus had been anti-corruption and human rights. Ronald is published in International Law as a layman (The Mueller-Wilson Report, co-authored with Dr Mark D Cole) and has been adjunct professor of American Constitutional Law at Johannes Gutenberg University, Mainz, Germany (for English credit, summer semester 2008.) Ronald’s formal educational background is primarily social psychology. His therapeutic device is satire –

*

In the matter of Ostensible Roman Soldier versus Member of the Crowd, with 3rd party intervenors, Ostensible Jesus and Ostensible Judas.

The Court to the jury:

“All of the parties have stipulated and agree the film of the incident is accepted into evidence; the only controversies entertained before this court are matters of interpretation.

“The defendant, that is Member of the Crowd, holds because he is an illiterate Amazon tribesman, recently proselytized & converted by CIA under cover of Protestant missionaries, he cannot be held liable for retroactively correcting the course of history; with pre-empting necessity of Ostensible Jesus having to follow the line ‘forgive them, for they know not what they do.’

“The plaintiff, that is Ostensible Roman Soldier, argues this matter constitutes vigilante justice, no matter how sincere or a naïf in his belief defendant was saving Ostensible Jesus’ life, and no matter any sincere noble intent, a theologically wrong, Protestant inspired assault, even when stemming from deep misapprehension of reality, cannot be excused against a Roman Catholic actor.

“Over all parties objections, Ostensible Judas cause is joined by this court to the cause of Ostensible Jesus, both must be aligned with the plaintiff, that is if ‘collateral’ 3rd party damage inflicted on job security is found, were Ostensible Jesus to be rescued, rather than suffer ostensible mortal wound inflicted by Ostensible Roman Soldier. Ostensible Judas’ claim of irreparable harm to his reputation, if his betrayal of Ostensible Jesus were for naught, cannot be separated from Ostensible Jesus claim of future job security harm, as a compensated actor.

“We have heard considerable conflicting expert testimony on whether Ostensible Jesus’ position of harm to future taxable wages, when joined to the cause of Ostensible Judas, is consistent with the historical role.

“Consequently, this court instructs if you find for Ostensible Jesus, in all future productions, Ostensible Judas having been paid 30 pieces of silver cannot be portrayed as a bribe related to betrayal; but must be declared actor’s union wage, no different to taxable wages paid to the actors Ostensible Jesus and Ostensible Roman Soldier.

“A special note of instruction is, despite Ostensible Jesus’ words cannot ever be questioned, this does not automatically confer a decision in his favor and may not prejudice any award; it is your duty to fairly resolve on all parties part. This may or may not, wholly or in part, be to Ostensible Jesus’ favor. Anything Ostensible Jesus has ever said must be objectively contextualized to the circumstance, to be considered in your decision.

“This court orders members of the jury sequestered. You will now begin deliberations”

Jury note to the judge: “Juror seven insists to know, Ostensible Roman Soldier, having been prevented from delivering ostensible mortal wound, can mere ‘malicious intent’ negate compensation?”

Judge’s note to jury: “As a soldier of empire, the question of law is whether Ostensible Roman Soldier is entitled to Sovereign Immunity, also known as state impunity. Because the state is not a party to this suit, you may consider malicious intent.” [the CIA cum missionaries in the gallery put on a sour look]

Jury note to the judge: “Juror two insists to know, were Amazon Indian proselytized with the Protestant King James version? If so, would use of ‘hath, doth, thou and thee’, and the like, be mitigating factor or favor inability to grasp reality?” [the judge grimaces]

Judge’s note to the jury: “It is written ‘I am the same yesterday, today and forever.’ Thou must not make haste to excuse the Indian’s ignorance in thy understanding.”

Ostensible Jesus: “Uh, that was a bit harsh. Are you a closet Calvinist?” [judge turns beet red]

Judge to Ostensible Jesus: “Forgive me, I’ll be deferring to you in the hereafter.”

Jury note to the judge: Juror five insists to know, if Ostensible Jesus associated with tax-gatherers, how are they substantively different from the money-lenders?”

Judge to Ostensible Jesus: “How do I answer that?”

Ostensible Jesus: [looking embarrassed] “Well, I don’t know. Ostensible Magdalene always took care of the tax-gathers for me, but the money-lenders were gay, and wouldn’t resolve with her offering of ‘in kind’ contribution. That REALLY made me angry.” [the judge senses a migraine onset]

Judge’s note to jury: “There is no distinction, the planets didn’t align for Ostensible Jesus on the one occasion, that’s all.”

Jury note to judge: “Juror twelve insists to know whether 30 pieces of silver should be adjusted for inflation, 32 AD to present, and if so, what would that amount be today at the COMEX?” [with the side of his head pounding, the judge passes a note to his clerk instructing an Oxycontin tablet and glass of water brought to the bench]

Judge’s note to the jury: “Juror twelve is replaced by alternate juror one, who shall hereafter be identified as juror thirteen.”

Jury’s note to judge: “Juror thirteen insists to know [at these words, the judge sees floating sparks of advancing migraine] can St Augustine’s ‘just war’ theory be squared with Ostensible Jesus turning the other cheek? Moreover, juror four insists to know, is the ‘just’ in ‘just war’ an adverb rather than the widely assumed adjective?” [the judge looks at Ostensible Jesus with a helpless expression]

Ostensible Jesus: “Well, I’m ostensibly Jewish, I’ve always been ostensibly Jewish and I have no idea what the Christians went on to write in their Meforshim or whatever it is they call it.”

Judge to Ostensible Jesus: “I have a migraine and can’t think. With your ostensible infallibility, will you hazard a guess?”

Ostensible Jesus: “Well, it should be easy enough, if Augustine is a Roman, it can only be the adverb.”

Judge’s note to the jury: “It’s ‘just’ the adverb.”

Jury note to the judge: “Juror three insists to know, when Ostensible Jesus said “Give to Sid Caesar what is Sid Caesar’s”, would that be considered taxable income?”

Judge to Ostensible Jesus: “You said that?”

Ostensible Jesus: “It was a joke. Anyway, I said it backstage, but there was an open mic.” [Judge puts his face in his hands]

Judge to Ostensible Jesus: “Well, you said it. Now, whose image was on the coin?”

Ostensible Jesus: “It was 5¢ impressed on a wooden nickel. Look, it had to do with a conversation around political correctness in Hollywood and #Me Too jokes. We’re ostensible Jews and Sid, bless his memory, would have fallen over laughing.”

Judge’s note to the jury: “Anything ‘given’ to Sid Caesar, must be considered solely an undeclared, carnal tax.”

Jury foreman’s (Juror eight) note to Judge: “We have a hung jury: This foreman and jurors six, nine, ten & eleven insist on reducing Ostensible Judas award by half, because he changed his story of remorse, the other seven jurors want to deny him compensation altogether; on account of in one version he hangs himself, in the other version he leaps from a cliff and is disemboweled on the rocks”

Judge to Ostensible Judas: “You changed your story?”

Ostensible Judas: “It wasn’t me, it was the script writers, mid-production. They thought hanging wasn’t bloody enough.”

[at this point the Judge’s migraine required court medics administering the ‘nuclear option’ of a Demerol injection, direct to the brain]

Recovered from migraine, the judge: [with a great sense of relief and very high, in fact ‘almighty’ high] “Order! Bailiff! Clear the gallery, triple security and call in the jury!

The Judge: “Per Rule 56 (f)(3) Federal Rules of Procedure, this court may exercise summary judgment of its own discretion after identifying for the parties material facts that are beyond dispute.

“Per the aforementioned rule, and having read all the jury’s notes of inquiry, this court enters into the record the indisputable fact all of the jurors in this case are absolute, total and complete idiots. If they went with the argument of the plaintiff, they’d do it as morons. If they found for the argument of the defendant, they’d do it as morons. If they compensated the 3rd party intervenors, they’d do it as morons. [the judge looks at the bailiff]

“Hang them all.”

Bailiff: “Dismissed juror twelve?”

The Judge: [over his shoulder, on his way to chambers] “Consider him Ostensible Barrabas.”

*

Bing Crosby is crooning “I’m dreaming of a White Christmas…” ’24’ is on TV with the sound off. Don reaches over and places his hand gently on Dick’s knee, and softly says “Do you recall Ben Bonk’s sob story?

Cheney puts his hand over Don’s and gives an affectionate squeeze. “I laughed to tears…” The next day they went quail hunting.

Free speech clown series

fsc2

Don Rumsfeld & Dick Cheney’s Dog

You all have heard of the first grade primer ‘Dick and Jane’? Well, as fate would have it, Dick did not grow up to love Jane, because Dick (like Don) matured into a homosexual in denial, or “RRR” (sounds like a Rottweiler growl), one of those closet morality, socially/sexually frustrated and consequently mean people known as a Religious Right Republican.

So, this has to be an adult repressed homosexual ‘dick’, or machismo porn variation, of the ‘Dick and Jane’ story. Consequently, the story of how Don Rumsfeld met his demise, because of Dick Cheney’s dog, is pretty screwed up.

It’s called: Don and ‘dick’

Rumsfeld was visiting ‘big dick’ Cheney at Cheney’s ‘spread’ in Wyoming, Cheney was wishing he could have shot George Bush in the face with his shotgun because the coward George flinched and did not pull the trigger on Iran…

While reminiscing missed opportunities at initiating Armageddon, wishing they could have shot more people in the face, especially more Arabs, and about their longing for certain fascists to be in their lives, past and present, secular and religious.. among other things, Rummy suddenly asked ‘big dick’ why his Rottweiler, “Machismo”, was always locked in his kennel.

Mean people have mean dogs and, Dick explained to Don that “Machismo” had an edge about him, Machismo simply could not be trusted around visitors. Dick went on to explain how he wished it were otherwise and how he wished Machismo could be trusted to obey him and only tear apart people that he did not like, he’d tried dog trainers but they cost him money, too much money, because Machismo took a chuck of flesh out of all of them, every dog trainer he had tried. His insurance premiums had gone sky high, all on account of Machismo.

Rumsfeld: “Why don’t you get a different dog?”

Cheney: “Because I love my Machismo.”

Then Don had an idea.

Rumsfeld: “Hey Dick, there is the Arapaho Indian Reservation right up the road, why don’t you get a Medicine Man to take the edge off your Machismo? I saw on the Discovery Channel the Indians can talk to animals, you know they are all devil worshippers, so maybe there is something to it.”

Dick’s eyes brightened considerably, an amazing thing, as though a light had turned on upstairs, but then his brow furrowed back to normal, as though nobody were home.

Cheney: “That’s the problem. They are all devil worshipers, you know, Indians are sorcerers like the Old Testament forbids be ‘found among us.’”

So Don and Dick discussed that and came up with a solution. If they were not at Dick’s ‘spread’ while the medicine man worked with Dick’s Machismo, the sorcerer would not be found ‘among them’ and it would all be ok in the end, because St Paul had said “All things work together for good” for Christians like Don and Dick. So they sent a Secret Service agent to find a medicine man with an explanation of how Dick would like the edge taken off of his Machismo, and then went quail hunting, so the Indian sorcerer would not be ‘found among them.’

The secret service agent found a medicine man, a Blackfoot married to an Arapaho and living in Wyoming, a typical dumb Indian, who with a look of stunned disbelief, kept asking the agent again and again “What!?” After the agent had identified himself four times and explained Dick Cheney wanted the edge taken off his Machismo eight times, a light filled this Blackfoot Indian’s eyes, this agent was serious, and the devil was right at home.

Indians know when the gods deliver the opportunity of  a lifetime, and this was opportunity at redemption. It had been awhile since the medicine men had been noticed, that is, the now days scarce authentic ones, and the agent had stumbled onto the real McCoy. First and foremost, this Indian believed in the Native law of reciprocity and well knew how it worked, something the Whitemen had not sorted out since Jesus had told them about it two millennia ago: “As you sow, so shall you reap.”

In this Indian’s world view, the opportunity was all about deliverance, and the attending attrition from any consequence, a sort of natural quantum mechanics shamanic death manifest by friendly fire, simply would have to be tolerated, because the medicine men are all about manifesting truth, and this native cultural idea taken together with the dogs name, set out the path to healing Dick’s Machismo: The dog would have to be taught how to enjoy narcissistic sex, instead of biting people.

Initially, the medicine man realized he would have to endure Machismo’s instinct to hump his leg, that was disturbing, but to reach the goal beyond… The Indian told the agent, well, ok, he would do it for ‘dick.’ The agent missed the straight faced Indian humor… and utterly failed his agency’s chartered mandate.

Indians are observational people, primarily, and know the purpose of dog butt sniffing rituals, sort of like when a Blackfoot and Cree spot each other from across a boulevard in downtown Calgary, the hair goes up on both backs and both Indians are thinking to the other “You can sniff my butt” in a historical context, and it is not a friendly thought. The actual butt sniffing between them is purely psychic, preceding any challenge and fight, and the medicine man doctoring Dick’s Machismo would need to circumvent this phenomena to achieve his aims. So sorcery came into play. He collected urine from a bitch in heat, rubbed a little of it on his knee, and bringing more along in a vial, he traveled to heal Dick’s Machismo.

The dog was very happy to see him, no hostility or butt sniffing ritual encountered at all, the Indian told the agent he had to work with the dog alone, brought out a plastic baby rattle wrapped in leather with a few strings with beads, to look convincing, and Dick’s fundamentalist christian body guard was more than happy to leave. Then this Indian began to work with Dick’s Machismo… “Now Machismo, my leg is a good beginning, but we have to show you something, you don’t need my leg or me at all, you can do this all for yourself- just follow her scent to where it feels so right….”

In Blackfoot language we have a word, I don’t know how to spell it in the Whiteman’s language, but it sounds something like oww-woe-tops and it means you are crazy and “everyone knows the Whiteman is crazy” is a Blackfoot proverb proven again and again, example given, Dick Cheney hiring an Indian that hates him, as every Indian should, to tame his Machismo. There is another Blackfoot word I dare not try to pronounce here, but it means “Dog Face.” It is about as bad as Blackfeet language profanity gets, and it is not as tame as it might seem, initially. The term refers to a certain facial expression…

Don and Dick were headed back to Dicks ‘spread’, the agent had called and told them the medicine man had pronounced Dick’s Machismo healed and was leaving, and as fate would have it, the medicine man, and Don and Dick, passed each other on the dirt and gravel country road, the Indian pushing his 1968 Chevy pickup named the “Red Jet” as hard as he could, the worn out 327 V-8 boiling blue smoke into the dust storm he was whipping up behind him, windows down, braids flying, wild eyed panic combined with a maniacal mirth at his crime, co-mingled with prayers to all the gods that he WOULD escape… thinking when he saw Don and Dick “you can sniff my butt” while trying to put on as many miles as he could, as fast as he could, to escape Dick’s ‘spread.’ Don said “God Damn”, Dick in the same moment saying “he must have brought along his whiskey”…

Dick and Don, walking to the kennel, turned a corner bringing Machismo into view in that very moment Machismo was swallowing it, gulping himself down with a certain facial expression… Don had a sudden epiphany, and he exclaimed “Machismo sucks!”, and Dick’s perpetual grimace of hate torqued down to the point it actually broke his primitive semblance of a mind, he pulled his permitted concealed weapon…

The camera pans away to the beautiful red rock cliffs of Wyoming, there was a first shot echoed together with Machismo’s dying yelp, Don shouted “NO!” and the second shot was heard… a pause.. the third shot sounded and America never heard Dick Cheney say “Terror” again.

In the here-after, for all of eternity, Don repeated “Look Dick, look. See Machismo suck!” And for all of eternity Dick shot Machismo and Don, again and again and could not kill them or himself (because they were already dead.)

The Secret Service agent kept his mouth shut about his role in the cause behind the Rumsfeld/Cheney murder/suicide, and no one came after the medicine man who laughed for years, again and again like a child, every time he recalled:

“you can sniff my butt”

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CheneyAztec

HARVEST

Image result for dick tracy fly face

 ^ Petro Poroshenko, alias Fly Face

Ukraine’s president Poroshenko, who had given former Georgia President in exile (wanted for corruption), Mikhail Saakashvili, a Ukrainian passport but then had the passport cancelled, ordered Saakashvili arrested this morning. Now arch-enemies, candy oligarch Poroshenko is equally deserving of no less a rotten fate. So, the sharks turn on each other in Ukraine’s feeding frenzy. Here is Saakashvili about the time Russian troops were over-running the USA trained Georgian army in 2008, following this former Georgian president moron attacking South Ossetia (while George W Bush had been sitting next to Putin at the Olympics.)

President Georgia GIF

^  taking instructions from Condoleezza Rice, 2008

Now, this newest color revolution mob, as though by appointment, frees this longtime CIA useful idiot from the police van taking him in. Addressing the crowd, as though in a Langley, Virginia, composed-prearranged action cartoon, or a Dick Tracy comic strip episode (the USA educated Saakashvili is actually a New York lawyer, a double joke) called Fly Face versus Mucous Face, mucous-faced Saakashvili demands the rapidly growing street mob march on fly-faced Poroshenko’s government.

Has the candy oligarch, Ukrainian President Fly Face, finally outlived his usefulness? Or is it former Georgia President, Mucous Face, has lost his last pretense of sanity? What will happen in next week’s episode?

And so, the soap opera that should be called ‘CIA Kiev Comedy Troupe‘ continues to astonish and entertain, sadly for the people of Ukraine.

Mucous Face - 1

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