Archives for category: comedy

How the United Nations actually dis-invites press with a mail ‘inviting’ press:

From: UN Spokesperson – Do Not Reply
Date: Fri, Sep 15, 2017 at 3:57 PM
Subject: Media Advisory: Meeting on Hurricane Irma
To: MEDIA ADVISORY
Meeting on Hurricane Irma United Nations, 15 September 2017 — On 18 September 2017, the President of the seventy-second session of the United Nations General Assembly, H.E. Mr. Miroslav Lajèák, and the Secretary-General of the United Nations, H.E. Mr. António Guterres, will co-host a High-Level Meeting on Hurricane Irma at United Nations Headquarters.

WHEN Monday, 18 September; 12:00 pm – 1:00 pm EDT WHERE: Trusteeship Council Chamber HOW: There is limited seating at the event. UN journalists wishing to cover it can request special passes from the UN Media Accreditation and Liaison Unit.  External print journalists must register here by 4pm EDT on Friday, 15 September

“This is, in three minutes…”

As hard as it may be to the uninitiated to grasp, this is real and not a joke, an email giving external (read not UN insider) journalists 3 minutes to register for attendance at a United Nations meeting on Hurricane Irma. Look at the external press registration deadline versus the time this mail ‘inviting’ external press had been sent. Registration was required three minutes from the time the UN hit send on the mail. If I’m ever freed up to write solely satire, the UN is a rich source…

Kudos to Inner City Press

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Gender is considered a complex and interesting thing. Yet were something ever so simple? Juxtaposed to western languages, American Indian language is gender rich .. inclusive of many degrees of androgyny.

On the other hand, male hierarchical order (e.g. western language and culture) with few and simple gender expression, has a high degree of (largely repressed) homosexuality rooted in artificial masculine narcissism and denial (monotheism/ego) .. perpetrating a fear-based suppression of precisely one half of innate human intelligence, that is, feminine intelligence. It’s as simple as a fable blaming all of our world’s ills on a woman, apple and snake.

And when I say this, I am not speaking of the ‘symptom’ of repressed women in western civilization based cultures, but of the reality of the repressed feminine intelligence in western culture’s largely male mentality (includes women and men), where most women and men likely never gave two seconds thought to the fact all of us both masculine and feminine intelligence traits, regardless of sex, whether these traits are repressed & denied, or not.

And what of the women attracted to these western cultures’ violent, self-repressed homosexual males, women truly worthy of wearing ‘pant suits’? Terrified they might ‘discover’ they are psychologically both male & gay, were the western male mono-sexual mentality to admit sincere feminine qualities (we all have them, it is how are our brains are built) in defiance of the western culture’s monotheist model of masculinity; rather than contrast with a healthy mental androgyny (truly heterosexual psychology) where people are allowed to express natural proclivities, instead you have an angry repressed homosexual civilization that could be called:

‘planet of the killer-homosexual frogs’

The Western culture’s Catholic egoic male mono-sexual denial which only equals the Western culture’s Protestant egoic male mono-sexual denial manifest in women such as Melania ‘knav(e) of village hearts’ Trump, or Betsy ‘I love my murderous brother’s Blackwater’ De Voss (nee Prince), or Ann ‘I love my sixties mini-skirt more than jesus modesty’ Coulter.

If people were to sort out Trump is just another expression of the two faced male hierarchy’s mono-sexual ego in denial, just one more sociopath politician that cannot deliver, I hate to say extremely ‘violent shit could happen.’

Need to distract from ‘the Russians made Trump president’ CIA fantasy oozing from the ‘news’ but don’t have the balls to shout ‘the emperor has no clothes’? Raise the hair on your back and lift your leg on Kim Jong Un. Or invade Venezuela. That’s Trump’s (and a schoolyard bully’s) style.

Cleaning up Western Civilization’s mess with an eye to survival is NOT going to be a simple task. Of course, now having inferred the question of ‘where to begin’ (at Langley, Virginia), this would require breaking out of the western male mono-sexual psychology or (egoic) denial as a first step. Based on personal experience, with “the CIA and it’s allies in control of the United States and [much of] the world“, de-escalation is probably a hopeless task, recalling:

MOSSAD had no idea their subway attempt in Berlin would get one of their undercover agents in the Arab community killed, rather than myself, because the CIA was incapable to give MOSSAD good information on who I actually am, or that is to say, my level of skill and particularly for the fact they misinterpreted my sexuality.

Beyond certain failed ‘closet’ intelligence agency assassins, I somehow doubt the straightforward or openly gay men of the western world much require Viagra or we would see it pitched to them as a product more blatantly (uh-oh, where might this be going) by our sociopath sales society which will stop at nothing to grab money- including having sold you on the Russians stole the election from Hillary.

However Viagra sales should jump in the western culture’s so-called ‘heterosexual’ men when this fails. Trump could be the sales model for Viagra when the best laid plans to keep the male mono-sexual ego erect [Mitch McConnell & Paul Ryan you so deserve this too] and in charge of the male hierarchical order, falls on its’ face. This is because [the dying from western mono-sexual civilization affliction] Nature is an androgynous intelligence and so is the Nature derived Native intelligence which understands you cannot carry on this male mono-sexual hierarchical model in western civilization and survive.

The structure of the egoic male mono-sexual or, now alternately and equally stated, male-hierarchical-homosexual-civilization, that is, the misogynist western civilization is quite clear, where denial manifests most profoundly in men fearing to be beautiful and express feminine awareness for fear of being labeled gay.

Now, considering this fact, in the wake of a captured (intact, by my knit hat) poison pellet, another three agents with silenced weapons have missed and beyond this, I can count a probable three dead agents in the aftermath of additional attempted hits on myself (one self-injected with his poison needle), let us neatly conclude this essay with exam of the male hierarchical western world’s male-mono-sexual-ego with its’ expression of ‘machismo.’

The ‘Machismo Meter’

Machismo is a violent human expression or, an extreme expression of the violence of projected ego. The more ‘machismo’ you express, the further you are from the androgynous nature of beauty in human intelligence. Therefore, in the denial ruled male mono-sexual mentality of the western male hierarchy, the more ‘machismo’ you exhibit, the greater the denial of your heightened homosexual propensity: contrasted to the heterosexual orientation Native male possessed of an androgynous intelligence which does not fear to express human beauty.

If we place Kiefer Sutherland’s super-macho character ‘Jack Bauer’ in the employ of Department of Defense, MOSSAD or the CIA near the top of the ‘Machismo Meter’ and set him on the author of this essay, we begin to understand why the multiple assassination attempts have failed.

It is as simple as I dare to be beautiful in my relationships to a greater living reality as a straight orientation Native male. The closer these repressed gays come to the beauty or, better said, intelligence of my expression, by contrast, the less intelligence they manifest in their heightened machismo expression or violent denial of their male mono-sexual or cultural mentality/homosexuality.

All these CIA and MOSSAD types should relax, stop freaking out at the idea they are hard wired by nature with feminine qualities, quit driving their culture’s misogyny/denial based sales of Viagra; come out of the closet and accept their true orientation while demonstrating a real (or non-macho) courage, become beautiful and manifest exactly as the honest teens of the western world would observe: “That’s gay”

My own Native observation, translated, would go to an older English expression, that is, the Western culture is a ‘queer’ place to be:

on the planet of the killer-homosexual frogs

frogs

John Brennan (L) entertains Mike Pompeo (R)

Related:

Michele Bachmann & Wild Indians

Dick Cheney’s Dog

Raphael’s Paradox

Cosmos & Consciousness

Death of a MOSSAD Agent

A Whistle-Blower’s Odyssey of Survival

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Enterprise (Coe cult) man Charles Grassley cuts a deal with neoliberal zionazi Diane ‘the fossil’ Feinstein (DC politics are not only subverted and inverted but mostly perverted) who was over 30 when the phrase ‘don’t trust anyone over 30’ was coined in 1967:

Grassley.jpg - 1

The details? Senate Judiciary chairman Grassley gives colleague Feinstein an opening at taking down ‘the donald’ and Feinstein trades delivering Obama Attorney General Loretta Lynch’s head on a platter for shielding Clinton. Lynch, as a Black American, has a highly inauspicious name, she should have changed it to Kagame, Zuma or Mugabe, considering the White establishment she served faithfully in the politics of Black incarceration for profit will easily toss her into the machine that ‘lynches’ people of color in return for opportunity at Trump.

The double-double-cross invested in the circumstance is, Grassley, member of ‘the enterprise’ (the Coe cult government penetration project) as well a member of the (the Coe cult’s) Pence faction, gets to hand off leadership of the upcoming Trump removal to the neoliberal Feinstein as a means of damage control and cover; but with identical objective, that is Trumps impeachment and removal, all in the name of ‘bi-partisanship.’ Everybody’s base is covered, Grassley delivers Lynch to his base, Feinstein delivers Trump to her base. At the end of  the scene, Feinstein  gets Pence for her president, something her fossilized brain-case is incapable of grasping; as Grassley and Pence laugh all the way to a clubhouse that still denies women full membership (a.k.a the Coe Cult.)

^ Feinstein exhibit at Kentucky’s Creation Museum

Where is the FBI? James Comey, who covered for Gladio and CIA arms & narcotics trafficking, has his close buddy Robert Mueller, who covered for Gladio and CIA arms & narcotics trafficking, investigating everyone after his buddy Comey. No conflict of interest there from the points of view of Grassley and Feinstein, just get the dirty work done. Now, following on that act, who do you suppose put ‘the donald’ up to appointing Christopher ‘fae’ Wray to replace Comey (who replaced Mueller at FBI, essentially we have an FBI criminal investigating his personally mentored partner in FBI crimes) … noting ‘Fae’ Wray was the head of the Justice Department’s criminal division when two of his subordinates, Shannon Ross & Thelma Colbert, were ‘dropped dead’ in the process of shutting down a Medicare fraud investigation that ultimately would lead to Fae Wray’s boss Alberto Gonzalez, and beyond Gonzalez to his bosom buddy Jeb Bush. Fae Wray is just the sort of leadership the FBI can depend on (to continue covering up Gladio and CIA arms & narcotics trafficking.)

Meanwhile, ‘the donald’, too busy with fending off inside attempts, the most important of which he doesn’t even see coming (narcissism is indeed blinding), hands off Syria to his general ‘Mad Dog’ Mattis, a Pence partisan, and the Mad Dog shoots down a Syrian combat jet that had been attacking Islamic State with Russian aircraft in the vicinity. Result? Russia duly notifies the USA all ‘coalition’ aircraft operating west of the Euphrates River in Syria are now “targets.” I think the over-hyped boogeyman Vlad ‘the impaler’ Putin’s patience is wearing thin.

Following on the 350 billion arms sale to the Saudis leveraged by Kushner, now ‘the donald’ sends his totally owned (by MOSSAD) gigolo son-in-law off to Israel to buy a peace agreement even as Bibi fronts the first entirely new West Bank settlement since 1992… yeah, that should distract from, uh, about everything that matters, recalling Pence, Sessions (who’ll fall on his sword, if need be) Grassley and ‘the donald’s’ generals all believe in literal Armageddon (it’s the cult’s theology.)

Oh well (or, oh shit, depending on your state of zen)

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June Notes, Week One weapons sales, media whores & more

June Notes, Week Two spooks & USA infrastructure

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Related: We Tortured Some Folks (on Feinstein)

 

Bush-Noreiga - 1

George H.W. Bush (L) & Manuel Noreiga (R)

By Juannabe Zorro and Kitty Litter
Associated Presstitutes

PANAMA CITY (AP) — Former Panamanian dictator Pineapple Face, a onetime CIA asset who was ousted as Panama’s dictator by an American invasion in 1989, died late Monday at age 83.

Panamanian President Juan Carlos Varela wrote in his Twitter account “the death of Pineapple Face closes a leaky chapter in our Yanqui history”

Varela added, “Now, let everybody shut up”

Pineapple Face shot people on CIA orders, causing the deaths of those who opposed the USA and maintained a sexy and close but combative relationship with Langley, Virginia.

As Omar Torrijos’ intelligence chief, Pineapple Face planted the CIA bomb that blew the Panamanian president’s plane out of the sky. Two years after, Pineapple Face became the head of the armed forces and CIA’s proxy ruler of Panama. He was a valued CIA asset and was paid millions of dollars for assistance to the U.S. throughout Latin America, including exploring means to sabotage Cuban leader Fidel Castro.

Pineapple Face helped the U.S. seize rival cartels’ drugs at sea and facilitated money laundering in Panama’s banks that paid for CIA guerrilla and terrorist activities.

At the apex of his power he wielded great influence thanks to a longstanding service of providing underage children to George H.W. Bush, according to AP necromancers’ source Joe Bageant. However Pineapple Face ultimately became dispensable when George H.W. Bush’s sexual attractions were drawn elsewhere, as child sex-trafficking had expanded world-wide with growing globalization.

After he became too open with his CIA narco-trafficking, Pineapple Face served a 17-year drug sentence in the United States, then was sent to prison in France and finally Panama. He spent all but the last few months of his final years in prison to keep him from talking.

USA prosecutors framed up Pineapple Face, accused of helping the sometimes CIA competitor (at other times collaborator) Medellin cocaine cartel ship “tons of a deadly white powder” to the United States.

The defense cited copious discovery documents describing Pineapple Face as the “CIA’s man in Panama” and argued that the indictment “smells of sewage from the CIA controlled narco-trafficking Cuban exile community and Enrique Prado in Miami all the way to Washington.”

Jurors convicted Pineapple Face in April 1992. Under the judge’s instructions, they were told not to consider the political side of the case – including whether the CIA had the right to frame their own man, Pineapple Face, and bring him to a fraudulent trial in the first place.

He accused Washington of a “conspiracy” to keep him behind bars and tied his legal troubles to his refusal to cooperate with his American jailers’ demand he grow a moustache in prison and apply for membership to the Tickle-Dick Hall of Fame, a calculated humiliation.

In recent years Pineapple Face suffered various ailments including Josef Mengele inspired medically induced syphilis as a prisoner of the USA.

When there was no further legal rationale to keep ex-president for life Pineapple Face imprisoned, he was diagnositized, hospitalized, comatized, lobotomized, and finally, euthanized. Just to make sure.

Pineapple Face is survived by too many crack-cocaine addicted children (mothered with Panama City’s street walkers) to count.

© 2017 The Associated Presstitutes. All rights reserved. This material may not be satirized, published, broadcast or redistributed.

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BathBabe

^ USA Generals Retirement Fantasy

Zbigniew Brzezinski is dead at age 89 years. The man’s life and career is evidence prima facie supporting the folk proverb ‘only the good die young.’ It was Robert Gates mid-wifed al-Qaida into a force to be reckoned with during the USA’s covert war in 1980s Afghanistan, but Brzezinski was the prick who conceived what became that evil; a branch of which saw a splinter morph into Islamic State. The man deserves nothing less than personal attention from Satan’s top torturers for eternity.

The joke is the American people who’re clueless as the stereotype blonde; the punchline is our generals retiring from the resultant ‘war on terror’ to become filthy rich working within the military industrial corporate scene, prostituting-profiting on the taxpayers dime.

The general calls across the river to Ivanka Trump: How do I get to the other side? Ivanka shouts back: You ARE on the other side!

The following excerpted from Brzezinski’s interview with Le Nouvel Observateur, at Paris, January 1998

Q: The former director of the CIA, Robert Gates, stated in his memoirs [“From the Shadows”], that American intelligence services began to aid the Mujahadeen in Afghanistan 6 months before the Soviet intervention. In this period you were the national security adviser to President Carter. You therefore played a role in this affair. Is that correct?

Brzezinski: Yes. According to the official version of history, CIA aid to the Mujahadeen began during 1980, that is to say, after the Soviet army invaded Afghanistan, 24 Dec 1979. But the reality, secretly guarded until now, is completely otherwise: Indeed, it was July 3, 1979 that President Carter signed the first directive for secret aid to the opponents of the pro-Soviet regime in Kabul. And that very day, I wrote a note to the president in which I explained to him that in my opinion this aid was going to induce a Soviet military intervention.

Q: Despite this risk, you were an advocate of this covert action. But perhaps you yourself desired this Soviet entry into war and looked to provoke it?

Brzezinski: It isn’t quite that. We didn’t push the Russians to intervene, but we knowingly increased the probability that they would.

Q: When the Soviets justified their intervention by asserting that they intended to fight against a secret involvement of the United States in Afghanistan, people didn’t believe them. However, there was a basis of truth. You don’t regret anything today?

Brzezinski: Regret what? That secret operation was an excellent idea. It had the effect of drawing the Russians into the Afghan trap and you want me to regret it? The day that the Soviets officially crossed the border, I wrote to President Carter: We now have the opportunity of giving to the USSR its Vietnam war. Indeed, for almost 10 years, Moscow had to carry on a war unsupportable by the government, a conflict that brought about the demoralization and finally the breakup of the Soviet empire.

Q: And neither do you regret having supported the Islamic [integrisme], having given arms and advice to future terrorists?

Brzezinski: What is most important to the history of the world? The Taliban or the collapse of the Soviet empire? Some stirred-up Moslems or the liberation of Central Europe and the end of the cold war?

Q: Some stirred-up Moslems? But it has been said and repeated: Islamic fundamentalism represents a world menace today.

Brzezinski: Nonsense! It is said that the West had a global policy in regard to Islam. That is stupid. There isn’t a global Islam. Look at Islam in a rational manner and without demagoguery or emotion. It is the leading religion of the world with 1.5 billion followers. But what is there in common among Saudi Arabian fundamentalism, moderate Morocco, Pakistan militarism, Egyptian pro-Western or Central Asian secularism? Nothing more than what unites the Christian countries.

Translation from French by William Blum author of “Killing Hope: US Military and CIA Interventions Since World War II” and “Rogue State: A Guide to the World’s Only Superpower”

Hale - 1

The Lynching

The Donald’s
Depicted likeness
Brave, bold in tweets

On dumpster scaffold stands
The alt-right’s Nathan Hale.

The vigilante crowd’s
Ringleaders crow’d
Russians! Russians!

Up, the noose
over DC lamppost.

Why Russians?
A child’s question
Is drown’d in hysteria

Why not the Saudis?
This was a bit too loud.

1,000 lashes
In increments
Sans medical attention

How long alive
Yemen’s child to be crucified.

$350,000,000,000
Arms sale
To decapitate a Shia

Partnered in ‘the crime’
Of Russians fighting Islamic State.

Oops.

The current political lynching in DC reminds one of Tom Horn‘s hanging more than a betrayed alt right’s ‘Nathan Hale’ fantastically dressed in patriotic spin. The congressional mob lynching Donald Trump is absolutely complicit in Trump’s crime of a $350 billion arms sale to the Saudis even as Trump is being lynched for daring suggest talking to the Russians concerning geopolitical cooperation. The actual rationale behind the mob hysteria can only be Trump talking to the Russians poses a problem for the Saudis daring to use those weapons in the White House generals’ upcoming war with Iran. Meanwhile, never-mind the present and ongoing Pentagon-Saudi proxy war on Iran (Yemen) violating every human rights standard up to and including using banned cluster munitions. Not only Mike Pence and the generals but likely Bibi has his fingers in this military-industrial pie/racket. Netanyahu nearly has what he wants, an apocalyptic Pentagon owned President Pence en route to a proper war with Iran and cheapening of the male prostitute Uncle Sam:

pence |pens|
plural form of penny.
penny |ˈpenē|
noun
1 N. Amer. informal a one-cent coin equal to one hundredth of a dollar.
• (pl. for separate coins pennies, for a sum of money pence |pens| ) With inflation, prostitute-President Pence wasn’t worth a penny.
ORIGIN Old English penig, penning, of Germanic origin; related to Dutch penning, German Pfennig, also to pawn.

The simple math: following on the CIA overthrowing a democratically elected government in Iran (for the oil), Uncle Sam propped up the Shah of Iran for decades, an absolute asshole who spent lavishly on both; buying American arms and (with competent MOSSAD help) brutalizing his own people. The radicalized ayatollahs coming to power had been a direct result of that chain of events, a case of what Malcolm X would likely have very accurately called another ‘case of the chickens coming home to roost’ for the USA.

Meanwhile, the stupid fuckers at the apocalyptic bible prophecy worshiping Pentagon, rather than apologize to Iran for the undeniable history and thank the ayatollahs for the nuclear non-proliferation arrangement, make moves that can only serve to convince every nation refusing to bend over for a USA butt-fucking they should acquire nukes.

The preceding is why this blog has a category specific to “Morons”

 

For Jared Kushner, Mike Pence, Bibi Netanyahu & ‘The Donald’

A Heavenly Dialogue

George: Hey Lenny, have you seen Jesus? I’ve got a question for him.

Lenny: He’s never here on weekends, he ALWAYS goes to the Parallel Universe of Tikkun Olam.

George: Why is that?

Lenny: Quantum Mechanics and Communion, every Sunday he’d get all sorts of afflictions if he stuck around, you know, the ‘creating reality’ thing.

George: There has to be a joke in this, right?

Lenny: It’s actually worse than you’d want to think, since the evangelists put words in his mouth to eat Jesus’ body and drink his blood, the liberal Christians give him hives and if that weren’t bad enough, then you’ve got the right-wing pinheads coming down with this cannibal smack, oops, I meant cannibal snack .. all taking a bite out of him, the ultra-right parasite Catholics give him ringworm, the fascist parasitic Protestants give him scabies..

George: Rosicrucians?

Lenny: Rosacia!

George: Holy fuck, no wonder he bails out of the heavens on weekends..

Lenny: Yeah, it’s like why I bailed out of Brooklyn, ultra-orthodox  and little boy butt-fuckery .. all these guys looking like Bavarians in bowler hats with pig-tails in the wrong places, I mean c’mon, wherever you see anything like that, you know something is perverted..

George: Well, I was going to ask him a question, maybe you can help me out. What is up with this ‘Jews for Jesus’ thing?

Lenny: You mean Jews for Jewdas? I mean, here are right wing evangelical Jews praying like Pentecostals for the Jews to be destroyed so they can rebuild the Jewish temple in Jerusalem, call it Christian and get Jesus back .. where’s the sense in that?

George: Well, I was wondering about the ‘makes sense’ part .. I mean, here are Jews trying to covert people into right-wing Christians, and it was right wing Christians had stamped out six million Jews already .. I’d run across this blog “These Jews need Jesus” .. there’s a joke in there somewhere, right?

Lenny: Oh yeah, imagine sending a bunch of pedophile Hasidics to a Puritan chapter of Heaven where no kids are allowed, there’d be a serious riot. As if the corrupt closet-fascist Evangelicals wanted to be outed as well, the schumks!

George: Actually, that’s a GREAT idea.. uh.. Lenny, how many times were you arrested?

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