‘Liberals’ or ‘The Apes Will Rise’

Liberals are hard to lampoon. It’s like trying to create interesting satire around a personality made of fungal ooze… for instance Hillary who has no personality, only a sort of freaked out laugh with head back and mouth wide open .. and Bill wouldn’t go there because Hillary was incapable of, or uninterested in, giving a quality blow-job. So, Bill didn’t keep his ‘willy’ at home and the whole thing turned into a ‘high crimes and misdemeanors’ Polish joke. Ok, so that’s a start, but this one isn’t a satire about Hillary, Monica, Bill and Congress making fellatio into a world headline event. Rather it’s about a larger liberal problem of a social IQ scoring in the 20-34 range on a scale determining functionality:

“Basic intellectual tasks, including language, are difficult to learn. Can learn some self-care behavior but remain dependent on others. There are usually motor problems and physical anomalies. Usually not employable”

^ Note the above ‘severely retarded’ criteria does not preclude employment as a politician in DC.

Now, if there were to be developed a flexible social IQ scale tied to Congress approval rating, I propose the party controlling the House of Representatives determines the functional social IQ, as of this composition, rating the Republicans with a solid score of 16. It follows, the Republicans are soundly established as “profoundly retarded”

“Usually multi-handicapped with obvious physical deformities and short life expectancy. Heavily dependent on others. Can learn no or only the very simplest tasks”

With physical deformities measured in layered on telegenic make-up for sound-byte tv news, and life expectancy manifest in a political ‘sell by’ date determined by the vagaries of lobbyists (the ‘heavily dependent on others’ criteria), we turn our sights on delving into the higher IQ of America’s liberal leadership, but first a bit of explaining is in order:

Of the many cynical laughs I’ve experienced in relation to liberals making exceptionally dumbfounding decisions, there are a few that stand out in memory. One such event was, liberals behind a voter registration drive in Indian country, for the 2012 elections. Now, my honest belly laugh in relation to this particular event was, Native Americans have historically, typically voted conservative. Some might wonder why? Simple answer is; liberals have a long history of creating solutions for social problems in a cultural context they have little understanding of, compounding those problems more often than not. Conservatives, on the other hand, have a history of neglect in relation to Native Americans, and consequently it is the liberals are perceived as the worse offenders or ‘meddlers’ in Indian affairs. Conservatives, therefor, are less likely to imagine up solutions for problems they don’t understand whereas liberals are inclined to shove solutions that don’t work down peoples’ throats because ‘they know better.’ At the end of the day, the lower conservative social IQ in the legislative body, unable or disinclined to imagine up all sorts of ‘good’ things for other peoples lives, works out to the better solution for certain disadvantaged populations.

Now, it stands to reason the higher IQ in liberals will translate to a certain ability to grasp they’re obviously the more important people with superior ideas. So, let’s have a go at how it is liberal methodology translates into sensible decision making for the rest of us.

As a baseline comparison, we’ll consider how it is conservative monitor lizards look back on the ‘good old days’ of dinosaur climate with its 400 parts per million CO2. This translates into attitude of ‘hands off’ the fossil fuels industry. Hey! If it’s not broke, don’t fix it! (never-mind it was ‘liberal’ democracies run amok had initiated the industrial revolution, a phenomena conservative monitor lizards have forever failed to grasp)

Liberals, on the other hand, are ‘reasoning’ higher primates with a cerebral cortex:

^ evolution’s ‘monkey business’

Any liberal chimp provided with a loaded AK-47, can plainly see they are, or should be, competent to deal with anything, not dissimilar to our present liberal administration’s policies training commandos in Africa:

^ the Apes will rise

And because the liberal value of tolerance is held to be superior to xenophobic behaviors, it makes sense for the Kurds to be split into four minority divisions with no territory to call their own. In this current version of events, the Turks, Syrians, Iraqis and Iranians will all be forced to learn the superior liberal value of tolerance with the enforced subjection of the Kurdish nation’s aspiration to cultural integrity. This can surely be accomplished with extending the Kurds ‘minority rights.’ But hey! When American allied conservative dinosaurs are the ‘turks’ in power and xenophobia is on the rise, ‘minority rights’ for Kurds is a minority’s reality of no rights at all. But this is a minor inconvenience or bump on the road to what surely must be liberal enlightenment, right? Oh yeah, it’ll all sort itself out, because arbitrary, artificial borders are sacro-sanct, insuring the Turks and Kurds will be locked in a perpetual, murderous struggle on the road to liberalism’s enlightened vision of multi-cultural tolerance.

So, to now, how’s that frontal lobe ‘reasoning’ power of the cerebral cortex working out? Let’s look a bit closer to home:

America’s conservative monitor lizards are in a dinosaur’s basal-ganglia rage over the liberals’ cerebral cortex value of multiculturalism having neglected to explain to millions of immigrants the full implication of what it means to live in a ‘secular democracy.’

^ function of the basal ganglia

Now, if it had been the business of Freedom House and the National Democratic Institute to promote an understanding that; when you relocate to America your kids are going to be free to be depraved as they please, marry outside their culture and religion, and basically live apostate lives, no matter what you think of this ‘freedom’, and whether you like it or not, well, that’d been a ‘good’ thing. But these CIA fronts were too busy promoting ‘color revolutions’ to do anything sensible like provide simple explanations that’d have stopped a different species of conservative immigrants in their tracks. And so instead, America’s basal ganglia types sense their xenophobic monitor lizard habitat is threatened by another species of reptile and they’re lashing out at anything that moves, whether suitable prey or not. Well, after all, you know what science says about an exotic species invasion of another species habitat, it’s just not conducive to good ecological outcomes.

^ Rush Limbaugh feels ‘threatened’

This brings into question the soundness of a multiculturalism doctrine and how it is liberals expected inter-species mixing was a good idea because everyone should have innate intelligence enough to be ‘tolerant.’ We can contrast this to the conservative monitor lizards pining for the ‘good old days’ and arrive a determination of empirical science showing whether the reactionary behaviors of dinosaurs should be defended with provision of nature reserves to protect the ‘threatened’ species.

Sadly for the liberal theory of multiculturalism and the associated idea introduction of exotic species would in theory see innate ‘tolerance’ manifest; when contrasting the present environment of social tensions to former model, a social-scientific scrutiny clearly demonstrates the instincts of the basal ganglia types had been ‘in the good old days’ quite hospitable. You understood the species in your habitat, there was law and order and a more or less general stability. This result demands nature reserves for the xenophobic are not only practical but actually necessary to conform societies to a reasonable standard of behavior…

…but then, evolution had demanded a liberal’s cerebral cortex manifest with its experiment of ‘reason’

The Satires