Archives for posts with tag: St Paul

beheaded clown

Free speech clown series

Don Rumsfeld & Dick Cheney’s Dog

You all have heard of the first grade primer ‘Dick and Jane’? Well, as fate would have it, Dick did not grow up to love Jane, because Dick (like Don) matured into a homosexual in denial, or “RRR” (sounds like a Rottweiler growl), one of those closet morality, socially/sexually frustrated and consequently mean people known as a Religious Right Republican.

So, this has to be a adult repressed homosexual ‘dick’, or machismo porn variation, of the ‘Dick and Jane’ story. Consequently, the story of how Don Rumsfeld met his demise, because of Dick Cheney’s dog, is pretty screwed up.

It’s called: Don and ‘dick’

Rumsfeld was visiting ‘big dick’ Cheney at Cheney’s ‘spread’ in Wyoming, Cheney was wishing he could have shot George Bush in the face with his shotgun because the coward George flinched and did not pull the trigger on Iran…

While reminiscing missed opportunities at initiating Armageddon, wishing they could have shot more people in the face, especially more Arabs, and about their longing for certain fascists to be in their lives, past and present, secular and religious.. among other things, Rummy suddenly asked ‘big dick’ why his Rottweiler, “Machismo”, was always locked in his kennel.

Mean people have mean dogs and, Dick explained to Don that “Machismo” had an edge about him, Machismo simply could not be trusted around visitors. Dick went on to explain how he wished it were otherwise and how he wished Machismo could be trusted to obey him and only tear apart people that he did not like, he’d tried dog trainers but they cost him money, too much money, because Machismo took a chuck of flesh out of all of them, every dog trainer he had tried. His insurance premiums had gone sky high, all on account of Machismo.

Rumsfeld: “Why don’t you get a different dog?”

Cheney: “Because I love my Machismo.”

Then Don had an idea.

Rumsfeld: “Hey Dick, there is the Arapaho Indian Reservation right up the road, why don’t you get a Medicine Man to take the edge off your Machismo? I saw on the Discovery Channel the Indians can talk to animals, you know they are all devil worshippers, so maybe there is something to it.”

Dick’s eyes brightened considerably, an amazing thing, as though a light had turned on upstairs, but then his brow furrowed back to normal, as though nobody were home.

Cheney: “That’s the problem. They are all devil worshipers, you know, Indians are sorcerers like the Old Testament forbids be ‘found among us.’”

So Don and Dick discussed that and came up with a solution. If they were not at Dick’s ‘spread’ while the medicine man worked with Dick’s Machismo, the sorcerer would not be found ‘among them’ and it would all be ok in the end, because St Paul had said “All things work together for good” for Christians like Don and Dick. So they sent a Secret Service agent to find a medicine man with an explanation of how Dick would like the edge taken off of his Machismo, and then went quail hunting, so the Indian sorcerer would not be ‘found among them.’

The secret service agent found a medicine man, a Blackfoot married to an Arapaho and living in Wyoming, a typical dumb Indian, who with a look of stunned disbelief, kept asking the agent again and again “What!?” After the agent had identified himself four times and explained Dick Cheney wanted the edge taken off his Machismo eight times, a light filled this Blackfoot Indian’s eyes, this agent was serious, and the devil was right at home.

Indians know when the gods deliver the opportunity of  a lifetime, and this was opportunity at redemption. It had been awhile since the medicine men had been noticed, that is, the now days scarce authentic ones, and the agent had stumbled onto the real McCoy. First and foremost, this Indian believed in the Native law of reciprocity and well knew how it worked, something the Whitemen had not sorted out since Jesus had told them about it two millennia ago: “As you sow, so shall you reap.”

In this Indian’s world view, the opportunity was all about deliverance, and the attending attrition from any consequence, a sort of natural quantum mechanics shamanic death manifest by friendly fire, simply would have to be tolerated, because the medicine men are all about manifesting truth, and this native cultural idea taken together with the dogs name, set out the path to healing Dick’s Machismo: The dog would have to be taught how to enjoy narcissistic sex, instead of biting people.

Initially, the medicine man realized he would have to endure Machismo’s instinct to hump his leg, that was disturbing, but to reach the goal beyond… The Indian told the agent, well, ok, he would do it for ‘dick.’ The agent missed the straight faced Indian humor… and utterly failed his agency’s chartered mandate.

Indians are observational people, primarily, and know the purpose of dog butt sniffing rituals, sort of like when a Blackfoot and Cree spot each other from across a boulevard in downtown Calgary, the hair goes up on both backs and both Indians are thinking to the other “You can sniff my butt” in a historical context, and it is not a friendly thought. The actual butt sniffing between them is purely psychic, preceding any challenge and fight, and the medicine man doctoring Dick’s Machismo would need to circumvent this phenomena to achieve his aims. So sorcery came into play. He collected urine from a bitch in heat, rubbed a little of it on his knee, and bringing more along in a vial, he traveled to heal Dick’s Machismo.

The dog was very happy to see him, no hostility or butt sniffing ritual encountered at all, the Indian told the agent he had to work with the dog alone, brought out a plastic baby rattle wrapped in leather with a few strings with beads, to look convincing, and Dick’s fundamentalist christian body guard was more than happy to leave. Then this Indian began to work with Dick’s Machismo… “Now Machismo, my leg is a good beginning, but we have to show you something, you don’t need my leg or me at all, you can do this all for yourself- just follow her scent to where it feels so right….”

In Blackfoot language we have a word, I don’t know how to spell it in the Whiteman’s language, but it sounds something like oww-woe-tops and it means you are crazy and “everyone knows the Whiteman is crazy” is a Blackfoot proverb proven again and again, example given, Dick Cheney hiring an Indian that hates him, as every Indian should, to tame his Machismo. There is another Blackfoot word I dare not try to pronounce here, but it means “Dog Face.” It is about as bad as Blackfeet language profanity gets, and it is not as tame as it might seem, initially. The term refers to a certain facial expression…

Don and Dick were headed back to Dicks ‘spread’, the agent had called and told them the medicine man had pronounced Dick’s Machismo healed and was leaving, and as fate would have it, the medicine man, and Don and Dick, passed each other on the dirt and gravel country road, the Indian pushing his 1968 Chevy pickup named the “Red Jet” as hard as he could, the worn out 327 V-8 boiling blue smoke into the dust storm he was whipping up behind him, windows down, braids flying, wild eyed panic combined with a maniacal mirth at his crime, co-mingled with prayers to all the gods that he WOULD escape… thinking when he saw Don and Dick “you can sniff my butt” while trying to put on as many miles as he could, as fast as he could, to escape Dick’s ‘spread.’ Don said “God Damn”, Dick in the same moment saying “he must have brought along his whiskey”…

Dick and Don, walking to the kennel, turned a corner bringing Machismo into view in that very moment Machismo was swallowing it, gulping himself down with a certain facial expression… Don had a sudden epiphany, and he exclaimed “Machismo sucks!”, and Dick’s perpetual grimace of hate torqued down to the point it actually broke his primitive semblance of a mind, he pulled his permitted concealed weapon…

The camera pans away to the beautiful red rock cliffs of Wyoming, there was a first shot echoed together with Machismo’s dying yelp, Don shouted “NO!” and the second shot was heard… a pause.. the third shot sounded and America never heard Dick Cheney say “Terror” again.

In the here-after, for all of eternity, Don repeated “Look Dick, look. See Machismo suck!” And for all of eternity Dick shot Machismo and Don, again and again and could not kill them or himself (because they were already dead.)

The Secret Service agent kept his mouth shut about his role in the cause behind the Rumsfeld/Cheney murder/suicide, and no one came after the medicine man who laughed for years, again and again like a child, every time he recalled:

“you can sniff my butt”

*

CheneyAztec

HARVEST

**

The Satires

Jesus is almost certainly the most misrepresented man in history. ‘The Christ’ is established in scholarship as an invention [lie] by the so-called St Paul, adopted by the church, and smears the reputation of the historical Jesus by adapting Greek paganism rites that turned animal sacrifice into the Christian ritual human sacrifice and cannibalism known as ‘Communion.’ Any rational person who will like to know the history behind these facts need only look into the research of ‘The Jesus Seminar.’

“For Paul, the Christ was to be understood as a dying/rising lord, symbolized in baptism (buried with him, raised with him), of the type he knew from the Hellenistic [Greek] mystery religions.  In Paul’s theological scheme, Jesus the man played no essential role.”

St Paul was never taught by Jesus and in fact never even met him. All of St Paul’s information concerning Jesus was 2nd hand at best or anecdotal. St Paul was not present at Pentecost. Jesus disciples, nearly to a man, wanted nothing to do with St Paul, a man they resolutely despised and mistrusted, a fact Paul complained of. Paul’s narrative of his relationship with St Peter is highly questionable and Peter was the least reliable of Jesus disciples after Judas. Jesus was constantly annoyed with Peter according to the gospels and the idea Jesus would found his church on Peter were words put in Jesus mouth by people with a political agenda, after the fact of Jesus life:

“Eighty-two percent of  the words ascribed to Jesus in the gospels were not actually spoken by him” according to the Jesus Seminar.

And recalling specifically:

“In Paul’s theological scheme, Jesus the man played no essential role”

Think about it. “In Paul’s theological scheme, Jesus the man played no essential role.”

That could also be stated ‘what ever Jesus had taught was irrelevant’ to Paul (if for no other reason than Jesus had never taught Paul, a man he never knew.) St Paul’s inventions concerning Jesus, adopted by the church and incorporated into the Bible have in fact largely supplanted the teachings of the authentic Jesus according to the scholars of the Jesus Seminar:

“The church appears to smother the historical Jesus by superimposing this heavenly figure on him in the creed: Jesus is displaced by the Christ, as the so-called Apostle’s Creed makes evident.”

St Paul, inventor of ‘The Christ’ was a self-anointed Apostle, that is to say he took it upon himself to claim his membership among the disciples of Jesus. Paul NEVER KNEW JESUS.

The contrast is startling between the two. The mystic Jesus was a tolerant man. The Greek language and Roman citizen Paul was intolerant, rules obsessed & misogynist, whereas Jesus was none of these and had great respect for women.

The teaching of Paul versus Jesus creates a contrast so great, it would require to be a ‘Christian’:

1) Choosing between one or the other or:

2) A life in denial

In effect, the church has, since its organization under the Roman Emperor Constantine, and its subsequent scripture considered imperatively sacrosanct, demanded faith be founded on belief in a lie.

Jesus had taught not to make a show of your religion, fasting, faith or prayer (“Do not be like the hypocrites”) but instead to express your faith modestly and communicate through prayer in private. Paul taught organized worship in public. And it is in this ‘public’ scene of Paul the entire public prayer teaching of Paul falls apart:

On top of inventing ‘The Christ’, when organizing public prayer in a twisted caricature of Pentecost, Paul had to come up with ‘speaking in tongues’, and then Paul had to invent ‘interpreters’ for the otherwise ‘unknown’ languages. Sorry folks, but neither was the case at the original Pentecost as described in the ‘Acts of the Apostles’ at which Paul was not present.  At the Pentecost, no one needed interpreters and the languages spoken were known languages. It did not remotely happen in any way similar to what Paul had taught. And the people who primarily follow Paul’s teachings, do not remotely resemble anything close to the lived and taught example of Jesus.

Jesus himself stated:

“And when you pray, do not be like the hypocrites, for they love to pray standing in the synagogues and on the street corners to be seen by others .. But when you pray, go into your room, close the door and pray to your Father, who is unseen .. And when you pray, do not keep on babbling like people who think they will be heard because of their many words. Do not be like them, for your Father knows what you need before you ask him.”

It is claimed that Paul, when traveling to Damascus to kill followers of Jesus, something he was keen to do, was blinded by a light identifying itself as Jesus. St Paul had later written “Satan is the author of all lies” and “The Devil masquerades as the Angel of Light.”

This begs the question: who did Paul meet on the road to Damascus? It was not the Jesus who gave the Sermon on the Mount… because Jesus never came back and said ‘Paul was right and I was wrong.’

It is pretty easy to see St Paul counterfeited the phenomena of Pentecost he could not duplicate. This is a dichotomy the Church has played down for the past 1,700 years, or that is since two mutually exclusive sets of ideas had been incorporated into what had to become a schizophrenic religion with people from the same faith always on both sides of any major issue.

Paul had said Jesus return was “imminent” -that is any day- not still waiting after 2,000 years, he got that wrong too.

The scholars of the Jesus Seminar state:

“Jesus taught that the last will be first and the first will be last.  He admonished his followers to be servants of everyone. He urged humility as the cardinal virtue by both word and example.  Given these terms, it is difficult to imagine Jesus making claims for himself-I am the son of God, I am the expected One, the Anointed-unless, of course, he thought that nothing he said applied to himself.”

Jesus was a great man, not a hypocrite. Those who follow his Sermon on the Mount live intelligent lives, contrasted to; everywhere you see people following the teachings of  the liar Paul who’d introduced the ‘The Christ’ and worship of Jesus’ murder and related ritual cannibalism called communion, ideas Paul took from animal sacrifice in Greek Paganism. Consequently you see organized Christian religions murder in the name of love while pursuing narcissistic intolerance, hate, violence and/or destruction.

A gesture of respect to the authentic, historical Jesus would be to reject Paul’s ‘Christ’ and explicitly condemn any reference to Jesus’ so-called ‘sacrifice’ claiming his blood had been shed to ‘save’ people, the most perverted belief ever to contribute to the collective madness of Western civilization infecting the world. I’ve yet to meet a Christian professing this Greek pagan blood sacrifice based ‘salvation’ open to reason and learning, insofar as understanding how much harm these sort of archetype myths do in relation to perverting the minds of children and desensitizing people to human slaughters on a grand scale.

Talk about pornography. If human sacrifice and ritual cannibalism as base foundation for a culture do not make a pornographic culture, I can’t imagine anything that does.

It’s time to practice a bit of common sense and simply create a social scene where these images are not welcome and let people wonder what it might be like to live ‘beyond the pale’ or be ‘tempted’ so to speak, to discover the possibilities when they are willing to step beyond the fear mongering and necrotic bonds of ignorance. We live in a literate world now, perversions of history should no longer serve as instrument of superstition created by the power corrupt to control people through fear.

There is no healthy rationale to provide hospitality to any being harboring such absolute social poisons the image of blood sacrifice entails. I certainly don’t need it in my life.

Jesus should not be associated with hate mongering and mainstream ‘Christian’ dogma is chock full of invented hate, this evil is not limited to the religious right. From the misogynist story of ‘The Fall’ to ‘Cain and Abel’ requiring blood sacrifice to God, it just goes on and on.

It’s time to acquire sanity, reject Paul’s ‘Christ’, quit ritually killing and eating Jesus and genuinely healthy people would want no associations with people who do that. Particularly the people who push the idea Jesus tortured to death was a good thing (as though on a billboard) but consider; are those who quietly celebrate this killing and eating of a human being any better?

Much better would be to appreciate those things Jesus had actually said condemning hypocrisy and living simply, living with humility, indeed Jesus lessons can teach people to save themselves, those people who pay attention to what he had actually said; as opposed to the many inventions put on the lips of Jesus by institutions dedicated to control through fear-

The scholars of ‘The Jesus Seminar’ state:

“The first step is to understand the diminished role the Gospel of John plays in the search for the Jesus of history.  The two pictures painted by John and the synoptic [Matthew, Mark, Luke] gospels cannot both be historically accurate.”

“The Fellows of the Seminar were unable to find a single saying [in John] they could with certainty trace back to the historical Jesus.”

“The words attributed to Jesus in the Fourth Gospel.. ..are the creation of the evangelist for the most part..”

“Words borrowed from the fund of common lore or the Greek scriptures are often put on the lips of Jesus.”

“The evangelists frequently attribute their own statements to Jesus.”

“We know that the evangelists not infrequently ascribed Christian words to Jesus-they made him talk like a Christian, when, in fact, he was only the precursor of the movement that was to take him as its cultic hero.”

“Jesus rarely makes pronouncements or speaks about himself in the first person.  Jesus makes no claim to be the Anointed, the messiah.”

The historical Jesus was a healer/teacher having nearly nothing to do with ANY modern church teaching, church hate mongering actually, and a reasonable person should be able to see the good in Jesus teaching has been buried by the invention of Paul’s ‘Christ.’

To be an ‘Anti-Christ’ would be to stand against the necrotic fantasies and lies organized religion has used to bury the authentic Jesus’ truth, and truth is a good thing.

“The whole history of these books [the Gospels] is so defective and doubtful that it seems vain to attempt minute enquiry into it: and such tricks have been played with their text, and with the texts of other books relating to them, that we have a right, from that cause, to entertain much doubt what parts of them are genuine. In the New Testament there is internal evidence that parts of it have proceeded from an extraordinary man; and that other parts are of the fabric of very inferior minds. It is as easy to separate those parts, as to pick out diamonds from dunghills.” -Thomas Jefferson

Indeed, were it necessary to frighten people away from any investigation into the fraud all of organized Christian religion had perpetrated in the name of the authentic Jesus, it would require the invention of a terrifying boogey man, that is the ‘Anti-Christ’, to frighten people away from truth, when in actuality opposition to the lie of ‘The Christ’ would be a blessing. Indeed the church has labeled the very idea of opposition to the lie of ‘The Christ’ as a very evil incarnate, when an ‘Anti-Christ’ determined to expose the lie would actually be a positive development.

Let’s reject Paul’s ‘Christ’, do away with ritual human sacrifice, take Jesus down from the cross, and keep him off the cross, that very cross which should long since been consigned to the rubbish heap of history; for the simple sake of mental health, and our national sanity-

“Experience witnesses that ecclesiastical establishments, instead of maintaining the purity and virtue of religion, have had a contrary operation. During almost fifteen centuries has the legal establishment of Christianity been on trial. What has been its fruits? More or less, in all places, pride and indolence in the clergy; ignorance and servility in the laity; in both, superstition, bigotry and persecution”  -James Madison

On ‘Christian’ holidays, people would do well to celebrate the authentic Jesus, a great teacher & healer, with a toast to any Anti-Christ opposed to the lies put on Jesus lips, in an act of overcoming “superstition, bigotry and persecution”..

..considering Jesus lived example and teaching, as opposed to St Paul, empirically meets the definition of ‘Anti-Christ’

%d bloggers like this: