Archives for posts with tag: gay

Bing Crosby is crooning “I’m dreaming of a White Christmas…” ’24’ is on TV with the sound off. Don reaches over and places his hand gently above Dick’s knee, and softly says “Do you recall Ben Bonk’s sob story?

Cheney puts his hand over Don’s and gives an affectionate squeeze. “I laughed to tears…” The next day they went quail hunting.

Free speech clown series

fsc2

Don Rumsfeld & Dick Cheney’s Dog

You all have heard of the first grade primer ‘Dick and Jane’? Well, as fate would have it, Dick did not grow up to love Jane, because Dick (like Don) matured into a homosexual in denial, or “RRR” (sounds like a Rottweiler growl), one of those closet morality, socially/sexually frustrated and consequently mean people known as a Religious Right Republican.

So, this has to be an adult repressed homosexual ‘dick’, or machismo porn variation, of the ‘Dick and Jane’ story. Consequently, the story of how Don Rumsfeld met his demise, because of Dick Cheney’s dog, is pretty screwed up.

It’s called: Don and ‘dick’

Rumsfeld was visiting ‘big dick’ Cheney at Cheney’s ‘spread’ in Wyoming, Cheney was wishing he could have shot George Bush in the face with his shotgun because the coward George flinched and did not pull the trigger on Iran…

While reminiscing missed opportunities at initiating Armageddon, wishing they could have shot more people in the face, especially more Arabs, and about their longing for certain fascists to be in their lives, past and present, secular and religious.. among other things, Rummy suddenly asked ‘big dick’ why his Rottweiler, “Machismo”, was always chained by his kennel.

Mean people have mean dogs and, Dick explained to Don that “Machismo” had an edge about him, Machismo simply could not be trusted around visitors. Dick went on to explain how he wished it were otherwise and how he wished Machismo could be trusted to obey him and only tear apart people that he did not like, he’d tried dog trainers but they cost him money, too much money, because Machismo took a chuck of flesh out of all of them, every dog trainer he had tried. His insurance premiums had gone sky high, all on account of Machismo.

Rumsfeld: “Why don’t you get a different dog?”

Cheney: “Because I love my Machismo.”

Then Don had an idea.

Rumsfeld: “Hey Dick, there is the Arapaho Indian Reservation right up the road, why don’t you get a Medicine Man to take the edge off your Machismo? I saw on the Discovery Channel the Indians can talk to animals, you know they are all devil worshippers, so maybe there is something to it.”

Dick’s eyes brightened considerably, an amazing thing, as though a light had turned on upstairs, but then his brow furrowed back to normal, as though nobody were home.

Cheney: “That’s the problem. They are all devil worshipers, you know, Indians are sorcerers like the Old Testament forbids be ‘found among us.’”

So Don and Dick discussed that and came up with a solution. If they were not at Dick’s ‘spread’ while the medicine man worked with Dick’s Machismo, the sorcerer would not be found ‘among them’ and it would all be ok in the end, because St Paul had said “All things work together for good” for Christians like Don and Dick. So they sent a Secret Service agent to find a medicine man with an explanation of how Dick would like the edge taken off of his Machismo, and then went quail hunting, so the Indian sorcerer would not be ‘found among them.’

The secret service agent found a medicine man, a Blackfoot married to an Arapaho and living in Wyoming, a typical dumb Indian, who with a look of stunned disbelief, kept asking the agent again and again “What!?” After the agent had identified himself four times and explained Dick Cheney wanted the edge taken off his Machismo eight times, a light filled this Blackfoot Indian’s eyes, this agent was serious, and the devil was right at home.

Indians know when the gods deliver the opportunity of  a lifetime, and this was opportunity at redemption. It had been awhile since the medicine men had been noticed, that is, the now days scarce authentic ones, and the agent had stumbled onto the real McCoy. First and foremost, this Indian believed in the Native law of reciprocity and well knew how it worked, something the Whitemen had not sorted out since Jesus had told them about it two millennia ago: “As you sow, so shall you reap.”

In this Indian’s world view, the opportunity was all about deliverance, and the attending attrition from any consequence, a sort of natural quantum mechanics shamanic death manifest by friendly fire, simply would have to be tolerated, because the medicine men are all about manifesting truth, and this native cultural idea taken together with the dogs name, set out the path to healing Dick’s Machismo: The dog would have to be taught how to enjoy narcissistic sex, instead of biting people.

Initially, the medicine man realized he would have to endure Machismo’s instinct to hump his leg, that was disturbing, but to reach the goal beyond… The Indian told the agent, well, ok, he would do it for ‘dick.’ The agent missed the straight faced Indian humor… and utterly failed his agency’s chartered mandate.

Indians are observational people, primarily, and know the purpose of dog butt sniffing rituals, sort of like when a Blackfoot and Cree spot each other from across a boulevard in downtown Calgary, the hair goes up on both backs and both Indians are thinking to the other “You can sniff my butt” in a historical context, and it is not a friendly thought. The actual butt sniffing between them is purely psychic, preceding any challenge and fight, and the medicine man doctoring Dick’s Machismo would need to circumvent this phenomena to achieve his aims. So sorcery came into play. He collected urine from a bitch in heat, rubbed a little of it on his knee, and bringing more along in a vial, he traveled to heal Dick’s Machismo.

The dog was very happy to see him, no hostility or butt sniffing ritual encountered at all, the Indian told the agent he had to work with the dog alone, brought out a plastic baby rattle wrapped in leather with a few strings with beads, to look convincing, and Dick’s fundamentalist christian body guard was more than happy to leave. Then this Indian began to work with Dick’s Machismo… “Now Machismo, my leg is a good beginning, but we have to show you something, you don’t need my leg or me at all, you can do this all for yourself- just follow her scent to where it feels so right….”

In Blackfoot language we have a word, I don’t know how to spell it in the Whiteman’s language, but it sounds something like oww-woe-tops and it means you are crazy and “everyone knows the Whiteman is crazy” is a Blackfoot proverb proven again and again, example given, Dick Cheney hiring an Indian that hates him, as every Indian should, to tame his Machismo. There is another Blackfoot word I dare not try to pronounce here, but it means “Dog Face.” It is about as bad as Blackfeet language profanity gets, and it is not as tame as it might seem, initially. The term refers to a certain facial expression…

Don and Dick were headed back to Dicks ‘spread’, the agent had called and told them the medicine man had pronounced Dick’s Machismo healed and was leaving, and as fate would have it, the medicine man, and Don and Dick, passed each other on the dirt and gravel country road, the Indian pushing his 1968 Chevy pickup named the “Red Jet” as hard as he could, the worn out 327 V-8 boiling blue smoke into the dust storm he was whipping up behind him, windows down, braids flying, wild eyed panic combined with a maniacal mirth at his crime, co-mingled with prayers to all the gods that he WOULD escape… thinking when he saw Don and Dick “you can sniff my butt” while trying to put on as many miles as he could, as fast as he could, to escape Dick’s ‘spread.’ Don said “God Damn”, Dick in the same moment saying “he must have brought along his whiskey”…

Dick and Don, walking to the kennel, turned a corner bringing Machismo into view in that very moment Machismo was swallowing it, gulping himself down with a certain facial expression… Don had a sudden epiphany, and he exclaimed “Machismo sucks!”, and Dick’s perpetual grimace of hate torqued down to the point it actually broke his primitive semblance of a mind, he pulled his permitted concealed weapon…

The camera pans away to the beautiful red rock cliffs of Wyoming, there was a first shot echoed together with Machismo’s dying yelp, Don shouted “NO!” and the second shot was heard… a pause.. the third shot sounded and America never heard Dick Cheney say “Terror” again.

In the here-after, for all of eternity, Don repeated “Look Dick, look. See Machismo suck!” And for all of eternity Dick shot Machismo and Don, again and again and could not kill them or himself (because they were already dead.)

The Secret Service agent kept his mouth shut about his role in the cause behind the Rumsfeld/Cheney murder/suicide, and no one came after the medicine man who laughed for years, again and again like a child, every time he recalled:

“you can sniff my butt”

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CheneyAztec

HARVEST

Give to Caesar what is Caesar’s -Jesus

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If The Left Are Sheep, The Right Are Fish

I was, quite frankly, astounded when then Senator Obama voted to give the telecoms immunity from liability during his run for the presidency. Obama is supposedly a Constitutional law professor at the University of Chicago, a position he holds, if not actively, to this day. But life for me has been, as it has been for many of you, and should be for everyone who wishes to grow in their understanding of our national circumstance, an exercise in the death of naivety

In my case, the naivety which had begun to die going to the above noted event, concerns the pure, concentrated and unmitigated gall that the votes of over fifty lawmakers who happen to be senators, a certain famous constitutional law professor among them, could thumb their nose at any oath to uphold the constitution with a ‘yea’ voting in a law that has three constitutional violations on it’s face, an ‘ex post facto’, ‘legislative pardon’ that violates our citizens ‘right to petition for redress’ by denying ‘suit at equity’ or access to the courts via lawsuit

Let me explain

The telecoms played ball with criminals in the Bush administration by participating in what amounted to warrant-less searches and eves-dropping without court order, stealing and handing over peoples personal information in criminal acts Americans had been historically protected from by our constitution and pertinent laws. This opened the telecom corporations to both criminal penalties and civil liabilities. There were crimes committed which should have been prosecuted and people have a right to sue. The potential liability looked pretty big and the telecoms lobbied for immunity

1) ex post facto. Our constitution specifically prohibits Congress making any “ex post facto” law, as typically or historically applied that means a behavior cannot be criminalized after the fact and applied retroactively, or more broadly, new laws cannot be made governing an event that is in the past. In this 2nd instance we have a valid constitutional claim prohibiting making a law excusing past criminal civil liberties violations against our citizens, violations which had created liabilities. What is required for the criminal aspect solely, is a PARDON

2) legislative pardon: Congress cannot give pardons to the individuals within the telecoms who’d signed off on and perpetrated the crimes, that is reserved by our constitution to the president and neither can the congress or the president pardon corporations in any manner excusing civil liability, the corporations must be held accountable and seek any leniency based on possible mitigation factors from the courts, because [3 & 4 combine to make a constitutional principle]

3) the” right to petition for redress” is promised to every citizen who has been wronged and

4) “suit at equity”, that is, the courts existing to do what is right by the citizen, is the avenue provided by our constitution to fulfill the promise of every wronged citizen’s ‘right to petition for redress’ or it should be said there is no right of corporate or government impunity. Citizen’s petitions for remedies and compensation may not be preemptively denied fair hearing, in our courts of law by the Congress

The oath to uphold our constitution had been meant to prevent such patently wrong laws in the first instance. That oath is become patently meaningless to the trained lawyers and professionals who should know these things and make up the congress, points squarely to the core of corrupt process usurping our rule of law

Now, what I’d point out to my conservative friends regarding the Senator Obama vote in the case of the Congress patently and illegally extending immunity to the telecoms in violation of every ‘yea’ voting senator’s oath to uphold the constitution of these United States is: that farcical and patently criminal vote violating our most fundamental rights passed with a majority of Republican senators backing. The Democrats voting in favor of the law were a distinct minority. YOUR conservative people’s representatives are primarily responsible for this particular travesty of justice, which has the effect of trashing our Bill of Rights particularly, and other provisions of our constitution generally

Get comfortable with that thought because now I am going to point to some more Republican chicanery undermining our foundational law that is going to hurt some more if you keep reading and are open and honest and willing to look at what has overcome us all, not at the hands of liberals or conservatives, but on account of all ourselves buying into the protected free speech that is political lies

The American constitution, any and all neo-con ‘Liars for Jesus’ notwithstanding, is based on secular ethics, not Christian morality. There IS a difference and that difference is sometimes quite pronounced, as I will demonstrate was the case with the “don’t ask, don’t tell” law forbidding gays serving openly in our military

As a heterosexual secular ethicist, I tolerate male homosexuals and actually get on quite well with lesbians. They very thought of sex with another man revolts me but that is largely beside the point. What I recognize, and what our founding law supports, is the idea a free society mostly cannot legislate morality. Time should have taught us this, as there have been numerous bigoted and unconstitutional laws in the history of our nation made by fundamentalists of one generation to the next.. but what it all boils down to is, it is our constitution’s demand that it is none of our business if a couple of guys practice fellatio, or lesbians cunnilingus, in the privacy of their home

If they are good citizens in a secular sense, perform their civic duties responsibly and don’t push their private sexual life in peoples face, we have to respect they have a right to their lifestyle and a right to be seen affectionately in public together no differently to my own behaviors with a woman in my life. Do I copulate in public with my opposite sex partner? No. Do they perform sex acts in public with their same sex partner? No. No differently, if I can kiss my woman in public, so may they kiss their same sex partner in public. I don’t have to watch and neither do you.. and insofar as influencing children, there is no more a rude thing to do to a child than force them into denial of our world’s realities, a form of lying, you do not raise aware citizens that way

“Don’t ask, don’t tell” crossed our constitution’s demand that there be “equal protection” of all citizens before the law. A law that allows heterosexual expression of one’s sexual preference only, violates the rights of gays. It is quite clear and it is that simple

Before I go into how President Obama and the Senate Republicans BOTH had subverted out rule of law and damaged our constitution with using the “don’t ask, don’t tell” as a political football, it is in order here to give a further short exam of the secular ethics our law is based upon, versus religious, or in the USA, largely Christian morality

Our nation was founded by people with varying experiences at the hands of religion, with nearly all of those experiences negative. It was not only the persecuted religious minority by the religious majority which migrated to what became the USA, but also the political dissident and intellectual who left a country with officially sanctioned state religion used as a tool of repression, such as employed by the Church of England and the Church at Rome, and the free or secular thinkers who abandoned Germany, France, Italy or Spain among many other nations where religious intolerance persecuted anyone who stepped out of the officially sanctioned lines of thinking. The result is what you see in our First Amendment, it is no accident that lumped together there, are freedom of expression, that protects the secular people particularly, and the freedom of people to practice ANY religion and very importantly, in the same paragraph religion is altogether forbidden in the affairs of state. This was the ‘original intent’ of our founders, again, any ‘Liars for Jesus’ notwithstanding

Of course our founders realized we live in an imperfect world and what they attempted to do was in fact establish a libertarian society which would create an environment for elevated awareness and advancement of the future generations with a generous opportunity for our citizenry- given in our founding law. Thomas Jefferson looked at the New England Puritans as hopelessly backward people living out a primitive demonic fantasy, whereas John Adams had a revulsion similar to homophobia in relation to Benjamin Franklin’s libertine philosophies and lifestyle, examples given, but they and other founders all did one thing very well, they tolerated one another, setting aside differences to both: win the revolution and write our constitution intended to preserve the rights of one and all despite their differences. As a group, these men realized there is a sole avenue to any positive future and that avenue is tolerance. This is driving purpose behind our having established secular republic where religious morals are deliberately allowed no part of government and those recent Supreme Court Justices who best personified these secular principles of tolerance were Republican or Republican appointed, Justice Brennan and Justice Stevens

Now, if the left and right both forget Jesus’ admonition not to throw stones, that is, when we have begun throwing our found(er)ing law through windows like rocks with notes attached, and that is where we are now as a political culture,  with smears coming in the name of our constitution, particularly on the right because of “Liars for Jesus” rewriting American history, and stones thrown from the left because of a snotty disdain for any and all things conservative which had been smeared hopelessly by association with the criminal Bush, no matter the fact there are yet many fine and honorable people on the right, all is in a fine mess. And with the people distracted with fighting like a saloon brawl, money and it’s associated personalities in politics are having a field day while narcissistic politicians pandering to corporate greed are running away with our republic

Now, money in politics played off conservative Christian morality against liberal secular ethics with “Don’t ask, don’t tell” and both right & left of the American people lost and money in politics won with people divided and hating

Erstwhile constitutional law professor and faux commander-in-chief Obama had a court ruling in his pocket which flatly stated “Don’t ask, don’t tell” is UNCONSTITUTIONAL. Now, if indeed Obama is commander-in-chief of our military, it was his undeniable duty to simply ORDER “Don’t ask, don’t tell” to be discontinued. But no, manipulative Chicago politicians don’t play the constitutional rules of the game straight, so he has his own Attorney General’s United States Department of Justice hold up the ruling with an appeal, while the senate neo-con Republicans threatened and blustered over repeal of what they know was patently unconstitutional “Don’t ask, don’t tell” law by the congress, an act that would make the court order moot

This play motivated both left and right, rank and file, to fight and pour tremendous energy into hating each other over whether a soldier can get his blow job from a man rather than a woman, and when nobody is looking at that. I hope you all suddenly feel real bright over why real problems this country faces, never get solved, all the while money runs amok in politics and Citizens United is not addressed with a constitutional amendment

But it is actually much, much more than that

It so happens both George Sr and George W Bush had a very close and intimate friend of decades in a real dilemma over “don’t ask, don’t tell.” Obama’s Evangelical Secretary of  Defense Robert Gates, a man epitomized in the warning President Eisenhower gave us about the “Military/Industrial Complex” and its power to corrupt our republic, had asked the Congress to repeal “don’t ask, don’t tell” in a move to buy time for his religious extremist generals belonging to the right wing “Officers Christian Fellowship.” The “Officer’s Christian Fellowship is behind the acts causing the U.S. military to be repeatedly sued via the Military Religious Freedom Foundation by over 33,000 active duty United States soldiers because the soldiers are being force fed extremist religious right hate propaganda by their superiors.  These extremist officers literally believe “Muslims are the children of Satan” and have pushed the USA efforts in Afghanistan as a religious crusade in an army where recently soldiers who sought combat stress psychological counseling were instead sent to a chaplain who told them their problems would be solved if only they would become “born again in Jesus” and “kill Muslims for Christ.” Small wonder there is epidemic suicide in the United States military not to mention the noted salient facts making an ongoing lie of Obama’s claims the USA is repairing relations with the Islamic world

Of course, in extremist Christian morality homosexuals are aberrant perverts deserving of nothing less than death according to primitive mosaic law and now we will have a whole new class of persecution in our military because the Congress repealed “don’t ask, don’t tell” while Obama’s Attorney General kept the case tied up in appeals, it was much easier for Robert Gates to sweep the related unconstitutional religious morals repression of gays by our extreme Christian generals and their religious extremist officer-minions under the rug. Now, illegal persecutions will fall under military justice structures and be much more difficult to bring justice into line with constitutional principle when gays are beaten or murdered with ‘friendly fire’ and lesbians beaten and raped with the tacit encouragement of the extreme homophobic “Officer’s Christian Fellowship” whose mission is a ‘Godly military’ in a crusade to “kill Muslims for Jesus Christ” in a military which already covers up not only rampant rape of its woman soldiers, but the murder of women as well– and going so far as the leadership at the Pentagon had ordered its top expert on sexual abuse not to testify before the Congress:

“But when it came time for the military to defend itself, the panel was told that the Pentagon’s top official on sexual abuse, Dr. Kaye Whitley, was ordered not to show up despite a subpoena.

Rep. John Tierney, the panel’s chairman and a Democrat from Massachusetts, angrily responded, “these actions by the Defense Department are inexplicable.”

“The Defense Department appears to be willfully and blatantly advising Dr. Whitley not to comply with a duly authorized congressional subpoena,” Tierney said.” -CNN

The ‘Don’t ask, don’t tell’ repeal had been preferred by the close Bush family friend and evangelical Robert Gates because he knows it rendered the Federal Court case moot and everything begins again from scratch with enforcing the rights of soldiers in the military system where his generals can finesse outcomes, and Gates also knows that his generals flipping their middle fingers at a federal judge’s court order overturning ‘Don’t ask, don’t tell” was a real risk because federal judges in theory can take over the operations of entire departments or even branches of government with a “Consent Decree”, pointed at people who refuse to bow to the rule of law and honor courts ordering our institutions into line with constitutional principles. Accordingly, the repeal of ‘don’t ask, don’t tell’ and attending loss of Federal Court jurisdiction is in actuality a closet victory for the neo-con leadership of the USA’s military who defies our Congress and Constitution

Meanwhile Robert Gates’ generals religious right support base in the senate played to their homophobic electorate at home which collectively flipped out over the vote throwing out an unconstitutional law and would do so over any other act to honor the constitutional rights of ‘fags’ and Gates’s generals escaped a real catch 22. But is it the WOMEN soldiers paying for this religious impunity with 26,000 sexual assaults in 2012 alone in a military with leadership believing the only proper place of any woman is the bedroom and not the workplace. This epidemic goes unaddressed because misogynist officers in the command structure oversee the disciplinary process

All the while, the progressive left had been backing the right thing to do by our constitution, and are the very people Obama’s Department of Justice had been fighting in the courts while holding up with appeal the Judge’s order throwing out ‘don’t ask, don’t tell’ and otherwise no player involved except this one judge had honored our constitution, for all of our conservative voters swallowing the bait of their candidates oath to our constitution and professed love for our “Bill of Rights” of which the congressional record of rip-off will hurt the right and left both on other constitutional issues, such as privacy and PRISM. Restated, when you support the congress undermining any aspect of our constitution you don’t like, you have emboldened the congress to undermine aspects of our constitution you hold dear to your heart

And so long as politicians on the right have to pander to voters who follow mental whack jobs like Ann Coulter to keep the conservative vote in one block, while the left can’t shake off the legacy of Chicago style politics, any truly sane center ground allowing for real progress on issues that matter is pie-in-the-sky

There you have it- how in a most perverted sense the Republican senators play a supportive game in cahoots with Obama when it comes to their common cause of keeping the right and left fighting, while money runs amok buying our elections with political lies and in the course of things, trashes our constitution and national sanity

And finally, considering Jesus instruction to ‘give to Caesar what is Caesar’s, the oath to uphold our secular constitution could not be a more clear obligation to those Christian conservatives who would prefer not to be labeled hypocrites ..

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Dominionism

Clown Rack

The ‘Free Speech Clown’ series

Morality masks a plethora of behaviors ethics cannot. Native American humor was all about ethics, that is no matter how harsh a truth, it must be out in the open at the least as a metaphor, the purpose in Native humor is all about keeping things honest.

The humor in western culture, on the other hand, often cannot honestly observe without crossing morality. So humor does not much serve to keep western culture honest, because too many people are afraid to go there. The thing with this is, if people were not afraid to go with honest observations, things could never degenerate to where we are now.

So, I will write about an Indian, a culturally intact Indian. Imagine the insanity of a tribal mentality taught to observe and honestly remark on the world around them suddenly cast adrift into the ego shielding ‘Honky’ sea of political correctness. Now, this native mentality is only certifiably insane because of context, or better said, an out of context circumstance. Because in the native world from which he had sprung, politically correct is actually a buzz word for the circling buzzards of Indian humor, any Native who hears the words ‘politically correct’ is apt to drop everything and listen in to the most recent wisdom and insight (always in the format of the often untranslatable to the Whiteman ‘Indian Humor’) ripping the people who trashed 200 years of treaties and moved on pretending as though nothing had happened.

This endeavor goes to shatter stereotype of the ‘taciturn’ Indian which is actually a reflection of the little understood Native cultural communication phenomena of rather than say something honest to a Whiteman that threatens the Whiteman’s ego and be killed, just shut up. Unless of course, you are not afraid to die.

For simple literary device sake, we will make this Indian 1) White skinned and 2) the last of his kind. How could this happen and the said Native persona is alive in the 21st century, a full 150 years since the Native custom of a White captive child raised to be Indian?

Well now, to be honest in the Native way, we must address this portion of the literary endeavor with a joke story drawn from real life, a sort of collage of facts assembled from bits and pieces of diverse experience, combined with anecdotal information to create the culturally intact inherent Native wisdom found in their humor. In other words, parts of the story from here out is an autobiographical facts incorporated, multi-faceted rip-off of other peoples life stories and experience. And because unlike the White world, the Native world entertains paradox in daily approach to life, some more of what follows is simply made up from the imagination’s fund of plausible improbabilities.

We’ll call the Indian “Ron” although his native name in the Cree Indian country he hails from is ‘Moon-i-Yas’ which can be translated either “Not like us” or “Paleface.” In “Ron’s” case it is “Paleface” when properly translated, because the other translation applies to people who behave like Whites, rather than merely look like them. And by Native definition, “Ron” is Indian on account of his cultural behavior, his ‘pale face’ simply being unfortunate circumstance or, better said from the Indian perspective, that peculiar cosmic joke of life circumstance which one way or other manifests the Trickster aspect in all Native experience.

To kick off the story, back in the late 1940s there were people just like today’s truly Honky folk, real White people, that behaved in all sorts of self- repressed ways and repressed their own kids because of their staunch Puritan belief in H.L. Menecken’s maximum that ‘proper’ Puritans must preoccupy themselves with the horrifying thought “Someone, somewhere, might be happy.” So they learned to follow Jesus command to ‘love’ by ‘loving’ to hate.

Because of the ‘love’ factor in ‘loving’ to hate themselves, their kids and their fellow man, making ‘love’ is more often a rape than not, ‘loving’ their brothers and sisters is ‘loving’ to tell other people how to live their lives, and ‘loving’ security is to create an insecure society so they can ‘love’ the idea of a police state.

Now the daughters of these fundamentalist people, whether the arch-conservative Protestant or the ultra-conservative Catholic, are not so different to some of today’s young women, raised in families that with bared fangs dare anyone to so much as mention sex to their children let alone have it taught anywhere other than at the kegger parties of the young people, who learn to hide the realities of their lives from their parents because you are punished whether you lie or tell the truth. So lying becomes in vogue because if you are young and you lie, you might not be caught and punished for enjoying yourself, whereas if you tell the truth you will be punished every time. So impromptu sex education at the young peoples kegger parties gives a whole new meaning to expressions such as ‘powerpoint’ and the many unwed young mothers resulting are simply one manifestation of God’s will and Jesus commandment that people ‘love’ (other peoples misery in the case of Michelle Bachmann and the Puritans.)

As fate would have it, in the late 1940s a young Catholic girl had gone from her conservative family upbringing and all girls school, where the nuns would not touch sex-ed with the proverbial ten foot pole, in Chicago, to college at Gonzaga in Washington State where she was introduced to sex as a sorority girl by innumerable happy to oblige young men .. at the ‘Girls Gone Wild’ parties before the era of exploiting these events on video. Concealing her inevitable pregnancy from her far away folks, not having known what a condom is, she was driving home to Chicago with her new born, this was in 1950, give or take a year or so, and dropped the infant off on the doorstep at the Catholic Rectory at Havre, Montana, with a note pinned on the swaddling infants dress: “Ron”

A Chippewa Medicine Man from the nearby Rocky Boy’s Indian Reservation was at the cinema close by, he enjoyed the classic ‘Bugs Bunny’ cartoons preceding the movie and paid his entry fee for that but then always left. The movies themselves were non-sense to him. Walking along the street, he noticed a dropped envelope, picked it up and was surprised to see it was stuffed with cash. He saw the black ink stamp of the Catholic parish on the envelope and walked to give it to the priest at the rectory, and found the infant. Stepping around the child and standing on the step above, he knocked and the priest answered the door. The Medicine Man stated “I found your lost money” and handed the surprised priest the envelope. The priest, who hated this Medicine Man his Native parishioners would sneak off to see behind his back, shouted “Returning this money won’t buy YOUR way out of Hell!” and slammed the door in the Indian’s face, before he could tell him about the child.

The Indian knocked several times more, and patiently waited, but there was no further opening of the door. So, he picked up the kid and took “Ron” home.

Given to the Medicine Man’s niece who had her own infant the same age, “Ron” was suckled, named “Moon-i-Yas”, surrounded with love and the native joke the newly found ‘twin’ was result of “Indian Immaculate Conception.” No one of the Indians wanted to give the found kid to the meaner than shit racist White people at Havre, Montana, it just seemed wrong. When it came time to take the infants to the Indian Agency for birth certificates and enrollment, the Agency people just figured they were fraternal twins and there was a White father of the one child. So “Ron” grew up Indian. He moved to Al-boo-quark-ee in the southwest because of his fond memories of the old Medicine Man mimicking Bugs Bunny’s pronunciation of that city’s name.

Sixty odd years after “Ron’s” birth, President Obama ordered DNA tests on all Indians to reduce the Native Enrollment and save money better spent on covert wars in Africa and drone murders than Indian health, kicking Indians that could not demonstrate 75% Native American blood off their reservations. It was discovered Moon-i-Yas, a.k.a. “Ron”, was the last White captive and he became a national sensation. What bloodthirsty savage had murdered his family and kidnapped this child? And anyway, a White Indian had to be a subversive, the bloodthirsty murdering savages that raised “Ron” had to have imparted their pagan licentiousness to him. The FBI was ordered to investigate “Ron”, it was a matter of ‘National Security.’

Meanwhile “Ron” had discovered a few things about White people. Like when an arch-conservative fundamentalist Republican principal of a lily-white charter school surreptitiously run as a private Christian institution that doubled as a cover for intelligence agents masked as teachers who break every civil rights law you can imagine, have discovered you have raised your kid Indian, all of the state apparatus is arrayed against you for the satanic act of being an ultra-liberal permissive parent. Allergies causing red eyes are interpreted as the child being a devil, but because there is no law to charge you with for that, you are investigated for drugs. When you are courageous enough to fight back for your kid and call a spade a spade, it is ‘undue hostility towards authority’ and you are investigated for terrorism. Failing every effort at criminal entrapment and being counter-investigated, assassins are dispatched by the neo-con hate mongers… and failing again and again it all just keeps getting bigger- FBI criminals implicated, Department of Defense criminals implicated, CIA criminals implicated, the criminal Church implicated, the National Security Agency implicated, allied intelligence, MOSSAD particularly, implicated.. meanwhile the White, Native American Jason Bourne-savant-idiot-trickster- clown has ‘pantsed’ the fascists again and again!

Because “Ron” really IS Indian, he fights back with taunts and satires, in the post –modern weapon of blogs. “Ron” taunts the establishment with the idea of “Jewels Misogyny”, wherein these neo-conservative & neo-liberal closet-gay institutions of accelerated education attended by the children of the military-industrial rich and powerful, only the brightest and most beautiful women teachers are hired… and must adopt masculine persona like so many ‘bull dikes’ as have the Michelle Bachmanns of this world, women who consequently marry self-repressed homosexuals attracted to these so-called women because of their male persona. They are all ‘men’ resembling nothing so much as castrated mannequins in drag (say, how’s that ‘cures gays’ clinic going? Remember Jesus saying “Heal thyself”?)

The end result? Either liberal women who hate themselves (Jewels Misogyny) for their participation in this travesty, job security being more important than ethics and fighting back or, women with “Acquired Ego Priapism Syndrome” like Michelle Bachman or the ‘imaginary’ school principal. Women who behave like sexist and racist men. Woman-male rapists of our values of tolerance and compassion, the liberal and libertarian values that are uniquely American, the ability to live and let live. Women of Bachmann’s class which join with criminal-fascist men in covering up constitutional crimes with religious façade Obama is afraid to pick on.

Of course the initial culture clash long ago was the Indians being shocked at how harshly the Puritans treated their children, the cause of many a ‘captive White’ raised in Native freedom and, conversely the Puritan horror at the liberty of the Native children resulting in the practice of “The only good Indian is a dead Indian.” Not so different to Bachmann’s persecution of the American Muslim, with her racist slurs thinly disguised behind sharia law hysteria. Bachmann is a Puritan, psychologically male, W.A.S.P. with Acquired Ego-Priapism Syndrome, in effect a chauvinist as pathologically erect as any male serial rapist.

What I mostly enjoy about this story is, in the modern politically correct world where only women can refer to a woman as a bitch, and get away with it, no differently than only gays may refer to themselves as queers or fags, only Blacks can call themselves Niggers or Asians can call themselves Gooks or Chinks, Mexicans self-refer as Beaners, Jews calling themselves Kikes, Indians laughing at the idea of being Prairie Niggers, and Sheep bleating to themselves they are Meadow Maggots, without a hate crime referral, but this Indian author can call the right wing White fascist people in absolute racist terms “Honkies” and totally get away with it because he is White skinned. I say that especially because of Supreme Court Justice Alito referring to “Marauding Indians” in a context of self-defense in recent decision on firearms, I suppose he thinks we should be hunted like wolves from planes. But because no one ordinarily can comment on physical attributes such as gender or skin color outside their own race or sex freely, this prevents in any politically correct circumstance the real or broad examination of the perverse Puritan sexist and racist BEHAVIORS tied to the descriptions which underlie psychologically male, HONKY, right-wing criminal women like Bachmann; who resembles nothing so much as the drag queen Jack Kerouac must have fantasized himself, had he dared to be openly gay.

Gee. Somehow the story did not end up funny. I’ll work on that.

**

The Satires

 

 

 

dead clown

Free speech clown series

*

Maison de l’Histoire de France

In the annals of two great secular democracies, France has kept her Bastille Day political traditions more intact than the USA has preserved the 4th, but certainly France is not beyond lampooning or, perhaps better said, France has acquired a national habit of self-satirizing, having elected a Hungarian elf with an erection [for jaded super-models] president:

Nicolas Sarkozy, a.k.a. ‘Elfie Fling-fling’, picked up bulemia inspired cat walk queen Carla Bruni within days of his wife Cecelia dumping him for being an elf without a soul. Rather than examine his soulless priorities, having made a big show of a famous socialist humanitarian [Bernard Kouchner] appointed his foreign minister, then Elfie cuddled up with George Bush [apparently soulless Hungarian elves with erections are politically bi-sexual]

More recently the elf tried to strong-arm the employee owned newspaper ‘Le Monde’ into selling itself to one of his politically aligned conservative buddies and failed

Then again, this perpetually erect elf was in the news over a much larger strong-arm robbery-

Enters the scene one erect elf’s acquaintance, gay French troll Francoise-Marie Banier, photographer of modern foppery, who’d pick-pocketed France’s most wealthy woman, 87 year old L’Oreal fortune senility princess Liliane Bettencourt, for over one billion bucks “he is killing me  .. give me this, give me that” and [Agatha Christie wrote this next, there can be no other explanation] the senile L’Oreal heiress complies in conversations recorded by her butler

Frog

^ Banier

What shows up on the recordings?? One Hungarian elf with an erection tried to block the case coming to court, also his finance minister had solicited and received a bribe of a top-end job for his wife with one senile billionaire heiress’ financial manager, Patrice de Maistre, de Maistre himself [Managing Director at Clymène] is heard telling Bettencourt that she has given Banier, via a foundation, an island in the Seychelles, meanwhile one erect elf managed palace [center of government] “will use people we know” to prevent one gay troll photographer of foppery having to pay back a strong arm robbery proceeds of a billion euro and give up having been named sole heir to the richest woman in France .. all put in the hands of investigating magistrates who, as predicted on tape, declined to prosecute. Next scene?

The Hungarian elf moves to secure his legacy with establishing the ‘Maison de l’Histoire de France’ and it all moves over to a planning session on what it means to be French .. with a peculiar ‘taste’ of colonial Déjà vu.

Invited to the group overseeing the new institution are the elf’s closest confidants .. to include his wife Carla, ex-wife Cecelia and wealthy political patrons, however confused or criminal they might be.. and of course one particularly accomplished con man among this fellowship of con men .. The location is a mansion in Neuilly-sur-Seine, the wealthiest town in France, just outside Paris..

In the men’s room..

Elfie to Banier: I had never known such an ordeal. Never would I have imagined that I would be so profoundly distressed. What was I doing, lobbying  you to seduce this woman! Rather I fell in love with you almost immediately. I thought, I must have that man. He’s mine!!

Patrice: Francoise-Marie, I’m going to come straight to the point and it’s a little awkward…. do you still feel like giving Elfie a present? If you do, it should be through Switzerland, not here. And it would facilitate our plans to buy the little boy-whore this legacy of his dreams. There you are. Chlamydia will set up the new project with you, my dear Francoise-Marie. But we are not going to ask Liliane for more money? It wouldn’t smell right

Banier: Not money. An island. That’s it. So, then I can give the island to the lawyer and afterwards..

Elfie interrupts: We live in a world where people don’t all have the same scruples, where all blow jobs cannot be given, and where, to go down on somebody, all means cannot be used. Despite this, nothing will lead me astray from the path that I have chosen. I’m inclined, personally, to think that we Catholics are born pedophile, and it’s a problem that we no longer know how to conceal this pathology. To say I am Peter Pan, it is a lie! To never grow up does not determine a victim!!

Patrice: Yes. Isn’t that odd? [He laughs]

Elfie: How will it go with the project? Francoise-Marie, you are my true soulmate, the person without whom nothing I do would be possible. At the end of the day, my only real worry is you, my Francoise-Marie

Patrice: There is no stopping him

Banier: Yes, the Maison de l’Histoire de France will be funded, I have found a lawyer, he is such a good fuck. Do you have anything against … Lilliane will be buying her own island back again?

Elfie: À coeur vaillant rien d’impossible

Meanwhile, in the ladies’ powder room..

Carla explains to Cecelia: I’m just starting. Nothing was calculated, nothing foreseen. I’ve never been married before and I’m Italian and I don’t like divorce. Therefore I’m the First Lady of France until the end of my husband’s term, and then his wife until death. I know that can hold surprises .. Narcissism lasts a long time, but burning desire — two to three minutes. I’m at most monogamous from moment to moment, I prefer polygamy and polyandry

Cecelia to Carla: Poor girl! In America you would be a Valley Girl, colloquial, materialistic, self-centered, hedonistic, sexually promiscuous, spoiled with more interest in shopping and social status than intellectual development or personal accomplishment

Liliane: I have a feeling Banier is here to ask me for something. Do you know what for?

Cecelia: Fellatio, what else?

Liliane: It’s always the same. He becomes too demanding. Give me this, give me that!

Carla: What is it with these men? Is this why Elfie does not care for my natural orifice?

Cecelia: How did you become pregnant?

Carla: I spit it into a dish at the clinic!

Cecelia: Fellatio bores me stiff, but it can be useful for more than ‘in vitro.’ Carla, if it had been YOU gave the elf a blow job, rather than Bernard-Henri Levy, there would have been no war in Libya, these men are like putty!

Carla: I could not! I was holidaying in Thailand with Benji Biolay, my shaggy dog pop star. Benji’s stiffy is young and does not shrink from natural accommodation. You see, this is why Benji is a ‘bio-lay’ [Carla smirks]

Lilliane calms things: Is that a Jewish name? Excuse me, but I meant is that a reference to ‘kosher’? Please, let me explain something. At my age I have some knowledge of colonial history. To understand fellatio in these men, one must first understand France when Vietnam was French .. and nước mắm. You see all of these men demanding this fermented fish oil, they keep it in the study on the desk. A flask in the pocket. On the nightstand with a shot glass. Why? I will tell you they do not use it as intended with spices .. if only because it’s unadulterated aroma resembles a certain something they do not readily admit. During the siege of Dien Bien Phu, the Legionaires exhausted their supplies of nước mắm. You know, only practicing French Roman Catholics are allowed to be officers. This is the greed, sliminess, snobbishness, hypocrisy, the anti-Semitism that lies beneath our carpet of Catholic haute-bourgeoisie in France. And when the Legionaires discovered the officer’s breath did not change when the nước mắm was exhausted, they could not fight. Suddenly it had been discovered the Legion is gay..

Cecilia: This is why France elected a man, not a couple … we tried everything, I tried everything. But Elfie’s breath disguised as nước mắm, his breath is just so disgusting. A woman with class does not swallow and can wash out the aroma .. will men never learn? To think they would depend on an alibi, the aroma of fermented fish! Please, Carla, you MUST take the seat closest to the elf..

The planning session begins..

Elfie: Today, Cécilia and I are reunited for the good of French history, for real, doubtless for ever, because we are not able and do not know how to separate from each other. Do not be surprised at my appointing her to this group to determine a direction, to establish the Maison de l’Histoire de France as a geographical territory with a soul. And it is so with each of you, a responsibility to adduce the pretensions of France to a certain historical reality..

Carla: Elfie isn’t addicted to power and that’s what makes him courageous. Except for his peculiar breath, I love being with him more than anything. To be certain, I will be seated according to the respect demanded of a hand-maiden to the French people

Elfie: But, I prefer a mouth to the hand

Cecelia: Without a doubt, this is why you have invited Francoise-Marie Banier..

Carla: I can no longer seduce my husband .. I don’t want to hurt him. Thank you Francoise-Marie, because of you, I am no longer a man-eater, I make no mistakes with my teeth!

Banier: As premier mouth-maiden to France, I say it will be established at the Maison de l’Histoire de France, to be French is to ‘sniff’ with a certain éclat. You do this so very well, my sweet Elfie Fling-fling. And I do not mind your breath, because ..

‘C’est pourquoi ils nous appellent les grenouilles’

frogs

Since this satire had been originally composed in 2010, following initial failure to prosecute, the French judicial system has opened criminal investigation into Sarkozy for ‘abuse of the elderly’ tied to whether Sarkozy had accepted large amounts of illegal campaign money from Bettencourt. Since, he’s escaped that but faces a raft of other corruption charges, notably taking millions in illegal cash from Gaddafi, nothing quite like murdering the witnesses against you, eh?

Using google search ‘sarkozy pprosecutions’ (top results)

Sep 24, 2013 – Former French president Nicolas Sarkozy may still face trial for allegedly taking advantage of an ageing millionairess to finance his 2007 …
Jul 4, 2012 – Former French president Nicolas Sarkozy has lost his immunity from prosecution and faces three judicial investigations. Photograph: Laurent …

Former French President, Nicolas Sarkozy, a Suspect After …

thefreethoughtproject.com/french-president-phones-seized-35-million-dr…
Nov 2, 2015 – Former French President Nicolas Sarkozy is under investigation for his involvement … After the pilots were able to escape prosecution, French …

Sarkozy denies deal to stop Chirac prosecution – Telegraph

http://www.telegraph.co.uk › News › World News

Apr 12, 2007 – Nicolas Sarkozy, the favourite to become France’s new president, denied allegations yesterday that he had struck a deal with the outgoing …

Jan 27, 2009 – A Left-wing cartoonist is to go on trial on Tuesday on charges of anti-Semitism for suggesting Jean Sarkozy, the son of the French president, …
May 8, 2015 – “It’s potentially very dangerous for Nicolas Sarkozy, judicially speaking. What he is accused of can lead him to be prosecuted and convicted …

Sarkozy faces prosecution – News – Politics – The Voice of …

sputniknews.com/voiceofrussia/2012_06_15/78181753/
Jun 15, 2012 – The former French President, Nicolas Sarkozy, is facing prosecution. His presidential immunity expires this Friday, so he may soon have to …
Jan 15, 2009 – The centerpiece of Sarkozy’s plan calls for the abolishment of … or British accusatorial legal systems, in which prosecution and defense teams …

Jul 2, 2014 – FRANCE’S former president Nicolas Sarkozy has been charged with … and influence peddling, the prosecution said in a statement to AFP.

**

The Satires

 

 

This particularly brutal piece is a composite lampoon of three persons, Robert Greenwald, Glenn Greenwald and Glenn Beck, rolled into one fictitious character: Glenn Beckwald:

Democracy Now!

Flamey Prudeman: Today we interview Glenn Beckwald of the peace advocacy organization ‘Re-Weinerize Liberacestan‘ on the Obama administration’s gay foreign policy and the war in Liberacestan. Glenn has been the most effective liberal anti-war shill or, alternately, accused of being the most effective possible shill for the witch hunting, child torturing, closet-gay neo-con/neo- liberal, altogether gay agenda, when it comes to the closet gays exercising impunity in the public eye; a necessary propaganda ploy in our closet homosexual nationalist culture, to make certain people feel by merely donating, rather than demonstrating in the streets, they are doing more than wringing their hands and shedding a tear or two, to fight the fascist-closet-gay agenda.

DN: It has been stated the liberal openly gay agenda you promote has in fact propped up the neo-con closet gay agenda you oppose, or restated, all things being equally gay in our interventionist policies, the closet gays’ claim transparency is a threat to National Security, and this is the gay issue which most turns you on. How do you respond to that?

Beckwald: Flamey, nothing could be further from the truth. The closet gays suffer immense moral turpitude and for anyone to claim my open ‘gayness’ could in any way prop up the closet gay agenda is simple non-sense. The only healthy culture is an openly gay culture, and I’ve not heard any credible gay sources claim ‘in the closet’ is a good thing. Herein lie the problem: until the closet gays are outed, and these most insidious of National Security secrets are revealed, our nation’s policies will be dishonest. A national security policy kept in the closet is not a healthy national security. It’s simply not possible for my openly gay position to prop up the closet gay agenda.

ve42

DN: Bacha Bazi, also known as bacchá, is sexual slavery and child prostitution, in which prepubescent and adolescent boys are sold to wealthy or powerful men for entertainment and sexual activities. This business thrives in Liberacestan, in fact our military aid has put many of these boys into Liberace army mascot uniforms. Some of the individuals involved report being forced into sex. The authorities have been reluctant to crack down on the practice by military commanders. Your organization ‘Re-weinerize Liberacestan’ has made this a ‘seminal issue’ by demanding the boys be volunteers, paid equitably, and the pedophile commanders come out of the closet and demonstrate authentic gay pride, by legitimizing their homosexual child concubines with legal same sex partnerships. This should temper the exploitation of these children, correct?

Beckwald: Absolutely Flamey. This is a cornerstone of ‘Re-weinerize Liberacestan’ policy, to raise awareness and impart democratic values to what has been to now a hopelessly backwards culture. The sooner the closet gay commanders become comfortable with their sexuality in public, we all can begin to kiss and make up, the Taliban commanders, American neo-con generals and Karzai’s war lords can all find common ground. Male sexuality is SO misunderstood and when repressed it leads to ALL sorts of malevolent behaviors which manifest as being SO angry. The sooner Liberacestan is openly gay, there will be no need for wars, we will have created heaven on earth, heck, I might live part time there!

DN: Recently in Philadelphia, three priests and a teacher were charged with raping boys. Their supervisor, Monsignor William Lynn, was not accused of molesting children but of endangering them. A damning grand jury report said at least two boys were sexually assaulted because he put two known pedophiles in posts where they had contact with youngsters. Comparatively speaking, is there not a conflict, to describe Liberacestan’s homosexual pedophile culture as backwards? It’s not like this is some isolated incident in Western culture.

Beckwald: Flamey, this is not only a crass intrusion on Church affairs in violation of the wall between church and state, this is a nature versus nurture thing. Without openly nurturing homosexuality in children, how would the misogynist western culture’s males ever be able to express their true sexuality without hate and consequent wars? Homosexual pedophilia should be decriminalized, otherwise we must criminalize ALL male hierarchal order based in masculine narcissism, and all associated Judeo-Christian derived misogynist/homosexual religions which are behind aggression and war. You know I live in Brazil, where these problems don’t crop up for the Catholic Church and there is a wide open gay culture where it is SO easy to find and live openly with your male same sex partner. When pedophilia is decriminalized, the Church as well, will be free to come out of the closet, stop inspiring torture, inciting wars, et cetera and the Opus Dei and Pius X societies will surrender its fascism for free love with children. This is why ‘Re-weinerize Liberacestan’ is in the forefront of the fight against fascism with raising national awareness of how Bacha Bazi could be a force for peace and why it should come into the American public eye. The sooner we legitimize these boys sexually comforting the closet gays in American minds, including our neo-con generals, the sooner there can be peace. This should be a prioritized focus of the USAID programs in Liberacestan, it would be so much better more American tax dollars are stolen from there, than current expenditures on CIA drone missiles fed bad targeting information through closet gay mercenary contractors like Iran-Contra associated criminal Michael Furlong at Strategic Command, resulting in murdering entire families.

DN: ‘Re-weinerize Liberacestan’ associated experts express a sentiment we should be very gentle in liberating the closet gays. Is this why you’ve not gone after the individual generals with your resources, those generals involved in crime personally, hands on? For example Colonel Ann Wright has documented numerous cases of raped and murdered American women soldiers who’d the misfortune to be assigned to corrupt commands in Iraq, including rape and murders of women assigned directly to General Petreaus command. Why not help Colonel Wright on this issue with your tremendous organizational resources? Why not go after the individual commanders and push these identifiable corruption associated rapes and murders that can be tied to top commanders into the public eye and mainstream news? Or for that matter, the epidemic rape of our women soldiers overall? Wouldn’t this be a powerful tool to get a real examination of the war on track and public outrage demanding answers and the wars shut down?

Beckwald: Many liberals don’t understand how these things must be finessed, Flamey. Yes, we must be very gentle liberating the closet gays, because as soon as we start naming names to specific crimes, the closet gays

ve14

become paranoid and come after us. Just more violence and you know that it is the violence we are against. Especially violence against us. For instance, we are perfectly aware specific war crimes can be tied to specific closet gay commanders in Liberacestan, but if we push neo-con “C Street” associated individuals like Generals Petraeus, McChrystal and Odinero into the spotlight, the chances of them ever coming out of the closet on their own, as gentle and beautiful, openly gay people, are practically nil.

The Satires

 

*

beheaded clown

Free speech clown series

Don Rumsfeld & Dick Cheney’s Dog

You all have heard of the first grade primer ‘Dick and Jane’? Well, as fate would have it, Dick did not grow up to love Jane, because Dick (like Don) matured into a homosexual in denial, or “RRR” (sounds like a Rottweiler growl), one of those closet morality, socially/sexually frustrated and consequently mean people known as a Religious Right Republican.

So, this has to be a adult repressed homosexual ‘dick’, or machismo porn variation, of the ‘Dick and Jane’ story. Consequently, the story of how Don Rumsfeld met his demise, because of Dick Cheney’s dog, is pretty screwed up.

It’s called: Don and ‘dick’

Rumsfeld was visiting ‘big dick’ Cheney at Cheney’s ‘spread’ in Wyoming, Cheney was wishing he could have shot George Bush in the face with his shotgun because the coward George flinched and did not pull the trigger on Iran…

While reminiscing missed opportunities at initiating Armageddon, wishing they could have shot more people in the face, especially more Arabs, and about their longing for certain fascists to be in their lives, past and present, secular and religious.. among other things, Rummy suddenly asked ‘big dick’ why his Rottweiler, “Machismo”, was always locked in his kennel.

Mean people have mean dogs and, Dick explained to Don that “Machismo” had an edge about him, Machismo simply could not be trusted around visitors. Dick went on to explain how he wished it were otherwise and how he wished Machismo could be trusted to obey him and only tear apart people that he did not like, he’d tried dog trainers but they cost him money, too much money, because Machismo took a chuck of flesh out of all of them, every dog trainer he had tried. His insurance premiums had gone sky high, all on account of Machismo.

Rumsfeld: “Why don’t you get a different dog?”

Cheney: “Because I love my Machismo.”

Then Don had an idea.

Rumsfeld: “Hey Dick, there is the Arapaho Indian Reservation right up the road, why don’t you get a Medicine Man to take the edge off your Machismo? I saw on the Discovery Channel the Indians can talk to animals, you know they are all devil worshippers, so maybe there is something to it.”

Dick’s eyes brightened considerably, an amazing thing, as though a light had turned on upstairs, but then his brow furrowed back to normal, as though nobody were home.

Cheney: “That’s the problem. They are all devil worshipers, you know, Indians are sorcerers like the Old Testament forbids be ‘found among us.’”

So Don and Dick discussed that and came up with a solution. If they were not at Dick’s ‘spread’ while the medicine man worked with Dick’s Machismo, the sorcerer would not be found ‘among them’ and it would all be ok in the end, because St Paul had said “All things work together for good” for Christians like Don and Dick. So they sent a Secret Service agent to find a medicine man with an explanation of how Dick would like the edge taken off of his Machismo, and then went quail hunting, so the Indian sorcerer would not be ‘found among them.’

The secret service agent found a medicine man, a Blackfoot married to an Arapaho and living in Wyoming, a typical dumb Indian, who with a look of stunned disbelief, kept asking the agent again and again “What!?” After the agent had identified himself four times and explained Dick Cheney wanted the edge taken off his Machismo eight times, a light filled this Blackfoot Indian’s eyes, this agent was serious, and the devil was right at home.

Indians know when the gods deliver the opportunity of  a lifetime, and this was opportunity at redemption. It had been awhile since the medicine men had been noticed, that is, the now days scarce authentic ones, and the agent had stumbled onto the real McCoy. First and foremost, this Indian believed in the Native law of reciprocity and well knew how it worked, something the Whitemen had not sorted out since Jesus had told them about it two millennia ago: “As you sow, so shall you reap.”

In this Indian’s world view, the opportunity was all about deliverance, and the attending attrition from any consequence, a sort of natural quantum mechanics shamanic death manifest by friendly fire, simply would have to be tolerated, because the medicine men are all about manifesting truth, and this native cultural idea taken together with the dogs name, set out the path to healing Dick’s Machismo: The dog would have to be taught how to enjoy narcissistic sex, instead of biting people.

Initially, the medicine man realized he would have to endure Machismo’s instinct to hump his leg, that was disturbing, but to reach the goal beyond… The Indian told the agent, well, ok, he would do it for ‘dick.’ The agent missed the straight faced Indian humor… and utterly failed his agency’s chartered mandate.

Indians are observational people, primarily, and know the purpose of dog butt sniffing rituals, sort of like when a Blackfoot and Cree spot each other from across a boulevard in downtown Calgary, the hair goes up on both backs and both Indians are thinking to the other “You can sniff my butt” in a historical context, and it is not a friendly thought. The actual butt sniffing between them is purely psychic, preceding any challenge and fight, and the medicine man doctoring Dick’s Machismo would need to circumvent this phenomena to achieve his aims. So sorcery came into play. He collected urine from a bitch in heat, rubbed a little of it on his knee, and bringing more along in a vial, he traveled to heal Dick’s Machismo.

The dog was very happy to see him, no hostility or butt sniffing ritual encountered at all, the Indian told the agent he had to work with the dog alone, brought out a plastic baby rattle wrapped in leather with a few strings with beads, to look convincing, and Dick’s fundamentalist christian body guard was more than happy to leave. Then this Indian began to work with Dick’s Machismo… “Now Machismo, my leg is a good beginning, but we have to show you something, you don’t need my leg or me at all, you can do this all for yourself- just follow her scent to where it feels so right….”

In Blackfoot language we have a word, I don’t know how to spell it in the Whiteman’s language, but it sounds something like oww-woe-tops and it means you are crazy and “everyone knows the Whiteman is crazy” is a Blackfoot proverb proven again and again, example given, Dick Cheney hiring an Indian that hates him, as every Indian should, to tame his Machismo. There is another Blackfoot word I dare not try to pronounce here, but it means “Dog Face.” It is about as bad as Blackfeet language profanity gets, and it is not as tame as it might seem, initially. The term refers to a certain facial expression…

Don and Dick were headed back to Dicks ‘spread’, the agent had called and told them the medicine man had pronounced Dick’s Machismo healed and was leaving, and as fate would have it, the medicine man, and Don and Dick, passed each other on the dirt and gravel country road, the Indian pushing his 1968 Chevy pickup named the “Red Jet” as hard as he could, the worn out 327 V-8 boiling blue smoke into the dust storm he was whipping up behind him, windows down, braids flying, wild eyed panic combined with a maniacal mirth at his crime, co-mingled with prayers to all the gods that he WOULD escape… thinking when he saw Don and Dick “you can sniff my butt” while trying to put on as many miles as he could, as fast as he could, to escape Dick’s ‘spread.’ Don said “God Damn”, Dick in the same moment saying “he must have brought along his whiskey”…

Dick and Don, walking to the kennel, turned a corner bringing Machismo into view in that very moment Machismo was swallowing it, gulping himself down with a certain facial expression… Don had a sudden epiphany, and he exclaimed “Machismo sucks!”, and Dick’s perpetual grimace of hate torqued down to the point it actually broke his primitive semblance of a mind, he pulled his permitted concealed weapon…

The camera pans away to the beautiful red rock cliffs of Wyoming, there was a first shot echoed together with Machismo’s dying yelp, Don shouted “NO!” and the second shot was heard… a pause.. the third shot sounded and America never heard Dick Cheney say “Terror” again.

In the here-after, for all of eternity, Don repeated “Look Dick, look. See Machismo suck!” And for all of eternity Dick shot Machismo and Don, again and again and could not kill them or himself (because they were already dead.)

The Secret Service agent kept his mouth shut about his role in the cause behind the Rumsfeld/Cheney murder/suicide, and no one came after the medicine man who laughed for years, again and again like a child, every time he recalled:

“you can sniff my butt”

*

CheneyAztec

HARVEST

**

The Satires

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