Archives for posts with tag: Michele Bachmann

Christian civilization is a civilization of inculcated homosexuality .. dark, angry and insecure. It is a civilization in denial. It is a civilization of theologically and culturally practiced misogyny. Raphael’s paradox points to the Christian homosexual’s necessary maintenance of denial (through hypocrisy) to succeed in this environment and how the exception of living true to oneself as an unabashed heterosexual, one might say ‘a pagan’, would require a certain stealth and luck, or at the least, a clever balancing act, to survive. Raphael’s paradox reflects these complications.

At the beginning of this exam, it does well to examine the Western languages’ simplistic gender; masculine, feminine and neuter. In mainstream (Western) culture, these limited ideas largely determine, via peer perception, whether one is straight or gay, ignoring pretty much altogether the nuance of a natural androgyny in our species. And consider the thought; androgyny is not necessarily gay (or for that matter, straight) but is something altogether on its own. But therein lies a fixation in suppressing much that is feminine in most self-identified ‘straight’ males. And in Western culture, many females have hyper-developed male characteristics in a contradiction of demanding ‘equal rights’ to men. Is to become male an authentic avenue to equality for women? And in this matrix where natural androgyny is confused with sexuality, endless self-deceits play out.

In Westerners, misogyny and gynophobia are so intertwined as to be nearly indistinguishable. This stems from confusing natural androgyny with sexuality in a crucible of fear engendered in violence. This is the source of ‘hidden’ or inculcated homosexuality in larger society that is experienced as homophobia in both males and females, where deviancy should be defined as aggressive-anti-social behaviors as opposed to sexual orientation. Wars of aggression bleeding societies foreign and domestic are, by definition, collective anti-social behavior of a suicidal civilization, any and all ethnocentric bias/denial notwithstanding.

From speculations concerning Frederick the Great’s preoccupation with homo-erotica…

LB2

Typical German palace ‘garden art’

…to the more certain case of a German general who dropped dead mid-pirouette wearing only a ballerina tutu as documented by William Manchester, Western militarism is thoroughly littered with closet homosexuality. That women are punished within the context of literal rape or the sacking of cities over the course of Western history, points to the misogyny within the gynophobia in Western society.

Contemporary extreme examples of this mentality would be Michele Bachmann married to a man so freaked out at homosexuality, he engages in ‘therapy’ supposedly able to ‘cure’ gays. His attraction to Bachmann is her hyper-masculine aggressiveness or that is to say they are engaged in a psychological homosexual relationship themselves; the physical gender is superficial. Another case of this could be David Petraeus and Paula Broadwell; she is hyper-masculine in her physicality (a West Point body-building queen)

Paula_Broadwell

As well (as do many Western women) often preferring masculine attire..

paula_broadwell2

 ..in a culture where men suppress the feminine elements of a naturally androgynous intelligence and women seek to bolster their masculine traits and appearance to become attractive to the most aggressive males. This is a homosexual under-culture or foundation of Western society that manifests in competitions at every level and glories in conquests. The other side of the coin is, the inherent denial required generates a deep and abiding anger; this is what translates into bigotry and hate. The source of the denial is fear and the fear stems from abhorrence at what any naked self-exam would discover: a hyper-inculcated homosexuality at odds with the one’s own cultural myths.

In Europe and Asia male hierarchy rose to create and maintain civilizations based on essential slavery of those many required to keep a society militarized on a large scale. This model has held, in several incarnations, to the present and has largely overtaken the world. The most aggressive incarnation of this system stems from Europe and is the present global model. Modern Europe is a result of the inter-meshing of two phenomena; a tribal mythology (The Fall) based in gynophobia overtook an empire or, that is to say, when Rome became Christianized.

In the formative period of what has become modern Europe we see this example:

“Do you not know you are each an Eve? The sentence of God on this sex of yours lives in this age: the guilt must of necessity live too. You are the devil’s gateway: you are the unsealer of that forbidden tree: you are the first deserter of the divine law: you are she who persuaded him whom the devil was not valiant enough to attack. You destroyed so easily God’s image, man. On account of your desert – that is death – even the Son of God had to die.” –Quintus Septimius Florens Tertullianus (d. 255 AD)

And then we have a Christian mob kidnapped the Roman-Greek philosopher (a woman) Hypatia of Alexandria (d. 415 AD)

“and took her to the “Church called Caesareum. They then completely stripped her, and then murdered her with tiles.” Socrates Scholasticus was hence interpreted as saying that, while she was still alive, Hypatia’s flesh was torn off using oyster shells”

After this had happened, when Christianity had finally stamped out the competition throughout the empire, Pope Boniface requested Emperor Phocas neuter the female goddess, formerly peer-consort to the male:

“to order that in the old temple called the Pantheon, after the pagan filth was removed, a church should be made, to the holy virgin Mary and all the martyrs, so that the commemoration of the saints would take place henceforth where not gods but demons were formerly worshipped”

This (preceding) was accomplished in 609. Just shy of 900 years after, Raphael was interred in his crypt at the Pantheon. Meanwhile, the extreme gynophobia which had overtaken the Romans, one could now describe as a cult of the virgin, had only become more entrenched with a (following) Papal Bull kicking witch-hunts into overdrive (noting the ‘both sexes’ is disingenuous, it was primarily women were accused of witchcraft due to ‘The Fall’ and women responsible for all of the evil in this world according to Christian theology in force to this day)

“any persons of both sexes, unmindful of their own salvation and straying from the Catholic Faith, have abandoned themselves to devils, incubi and succubi, and by their incantations, spells, conjurations, and other accursed charms and crafts, enormities and horrid offences, have slain infants yet in the mother’s womb, as also the offspring of cattle, have blasted the produce of the earth, the grapes of the vine, the fruits of the trees, nay, men and women, beasts of burthen, herd-beasts, as well as animals of other kinds, vineyards, orchards, meadows, pasture-land, corn, wheat, and all other cereals; these wretches furthermore afflict and torment men and women, beasts of burthen, herd-beasts, as well as animals of other kinds, with terrible and piteous pains and sore diseases, both internal and external; they hinder men from performing the sexual act and women from conceiving, whence husbands cannot know their wives nor wives receive their husbands; over and above this, they blasphemously renounce that Faith which is theirs by the Sacrament of Baptism, and at the instigation of the Enemy of Mankind they do not shrink from committing and perpetrating the foulest abominations and filthiest excesses to the deadly peril of their own souls, whereby they outrage the Divine Majesty and are a cause of scandal and danger to very many (…) the abominations and enormities in question remain unpunished not without open danger to the souls of many and peril of eternal damnation” -Pope Innocent VIII (decree issued in 1484)

Raphael is about 19 months old when this (preceding) document is entered into force .. by a man (Pope Innocent VIII) who will have a direct bearing on his future. Raphael has been born into a world still making war on pagans, under the guise of prosecuting witchcraft or what the church construes to be the essence of female intelligence or knowledge of ‘sin.’ By this time, closet and suppressed homosexuality has been inculcated in the Christian hierarchy for generations, via inter-generational violence in form of pederasty. Women are simply seen as tools of the devil, except that they are perfect wives who do not question their lot (brood mares) or become cloistered. These are the two safe routes within the male hierarchy. To be a noblewoman is no means to freedom but rather entails a certain privilege to behave in certain respects as a man that is fraught with intrigue and risk. Female or intuitive intelligence is associated with stark evil and villainous. Meanwhile, the men have become heavily homosexual oriented but this must be denied at any cost. Sexual attraction to the female form has been reduced to a metaphor for conquest and become in our modern times (through advertising) the various stages of undress that suggest rape in the sack of cities…

Paul_Jamin_-_Le_Brenn_et_sa_part_de_butin_1893

…where the modern rendering depicts subliminal message of triumph over the feminine principle little different to the historical image .. with women in a constant state of imagined powerlessness demanding surrender to the inevitable:

Fashion-Advertising-Provocative-Understatement

This necrotic circumstance where suppression of the female in an otherwise state of natural androgynous intelligence demands a persistent state of rape, whether literal or metaphor, has been quite consistent over the Christian age; celebrated in a culture born within Rome, from the time of the apostate Roman citizen Saint Paul initiated a misogynist teaching falsely attributed to the historical Jesus, to present.

It follows, when Raphael became a celebrated artist invited to Rome, little was different to the Christian culture of 900 years previous, when the Pantheon was ‘converted’ to the cult of the virgin (women being the ‘untouchable caste’ in the ideal Christian understanding) as well, little difference is to be discovered from the time of Raphael to present; where the Michele Bachmanns and Paula Broadwells of today are little different to a Catherine DeMedici of four centuries past .. psychological males climbing in the hierarchy who would play the games of men’s intrigues at the level of State. These personalities are masculine in actuality, in a mental state of homosexuality with their physical male consorts. And so it is a Michele Bachmann and her ilk will demand a woman bear a rape child in a consistent context of misogynist Christian culture.

The more entrenched one becomes in the hierarchy, the greater degree of (repressed) homosexuality is demanded. If the common citizen is the foot soldier of the culture that sacks cities, the ruling classes produce the generals in competition to demonstrate their greater masculine arts via conquest of the feminine, empowering mass or societal rape. This Christian social phenomena has its exceptions but they remain exactly that, exceptions. Raphael appears to be an exception.

It was the same Pope Innocent VIII who’d issued the papal bull of 1484 concerning witches went on to appoint Tomas Torquemada to head up the Spanish Inquisition. Considering Innocent VIII also made a Cardinal of then 13 years old Giovanni di Lorenzo de Medici who would become Pope Leo X who would become Raphael’s sponsor for most of Raphael’s years in Rome, gives a bit of context to the intrigues, corruption and class prejudices the great painter would be required to negotiate:

“Innocent VIII had two illegitimate children born before he entered the clergy “towards whom his nepotism had been as lavish as it was shameless.” In 1487 he married his elder son Franceschetto Cybo (d. 1519) to Maddalena de’ Medici (1473–1528), the daughter of Lorenzo de’ Medici, who in return obtained the cardinal’s hat for his thirteen-year-old son Giovanni, later Pope Leo X”

In circumstance where women serve as brood mares to insure dynasty, and are otherwise condemned to a class designated as responsible for every ill extant in this world as a matter of theological holding, Raphael was thrust into a subsequent near clone of the preceding arrangement; when he was betrothed to a de Medici Cardinal’s niece at the Cardinal’s insistence.

Unlike Leo X who kept his homosexuality a concealed court intrigue, and unlike Leonardo Da Vinci who was discreet but more or less comfortable with his homosexuality, and unlike Michaelangelo whose homosexuality manifest in perpetually angry personality, Raphael had neither his contemporaries proclivity nor did he suppress his natural androgynous intelligence or confuse this intelligence with sexuality. Indeed, he was a remarkable man in his time and especially in his circumstance.

Raphael painted himself as neither heroic nor macho, not wealthy, and not great; as well he did not portray himself as effeminate. One sees the balance of his natural androgynous intelligence in his demeanor:

Raffaello_Sanzio

Raphael was patently heterosexual in his orientation. He evaded the expectations of his time by keeping a lasting relationship with a baker’s daughter whose “mind was as beautiful as she”

La_donna_velata

By contrast to the living intelligence portrayed in his long time partner (and secret wife, above illustration), his paintings of those women sitting in privilege depict imprisoned personalities with dead countenance somewhat in the style of Da Vinci:

elisabetta_gonzaga_insieme.tif

The de Medici known as Pope Leo X not only narrowly escaped poisoning by his own cardinals, but is from a long line of poisoners bearing the de Medici name. Likely this is what upended Raphael’s life. Had Raphael been the more typical corrupt court favored personality, he’d not have invited deadly offense on two overlapping counts. 1) He dared to marry the woman he actually loved in the course of offending the de Medici family honor in the immediate proximity of three powerful persons of that family name .. a de Medici Pope, a de Medici Duke and a de Medici Cardinal whose niece he was betrothed to as a matter of public record but dared not marry; having secretly married the woman he actually cared for. 2) Raphael daring to marry a baker’s daughter ‘for the beauty of her mind’ or that is to say he did not play by the rules of male hierarchy and held a low born woman to be superior to the wishes of his noble born patron’s family of de Medici name, a second deadly insult.

The inculcated homosexuality of male hierarchy necessary to prop up civilizations, and wars between those civilizations, is irrevocably attached to the consequently created artificial ego of those same civilized cultures. Previous to monotheism’s ‘The Fall’ overtaking what has become modern civilizations, with Christian civilization of modern Europe becoming the most aggressive of these, the preceding civilizations’ militancy based in wars of conquest and male hierarchy, allowed these civilizations’ inherent homosexuality to be in the open. Such was the case with the Greeks of Alexander the Great and the pre-Christian Romans.

Roman_sex

Two men and a woman making love; Pompeii wall painting 79 BC

With the advent of Christian civilization and the repression of this (necessary to male hierarchy) homosexuality, aggression increased exponentially. Consequent intra-cultural wars in Christian Europe, contrasted to the previous Roman model, are example prima facie. Where Alexander or the Caesars would allow for self governance of vassal states, changed mentality subsequently saw the culture and laws of conquerors imposed on entire peoples, whether Napoleonic Code on Europe or Western style democracy imposed on Iraq. No differently to the de Medicis were psychologically incapable to refrain from feeling insult at Raphael’s sense of truth to himself, the USA’s ‘exceptionalism’ cannot avoid sense of injury to its’ ego in relation to any challenge of modern empire it denies it exercises so easily; little different to the ease with which modern civilization denies the male hierarchy principles requiring a malignant male narcissism or culturally inculcated homosexuality at its’ core. This reflects in church teaching  where only males can be priests of a church which is “the bride of Christ” or the bride of a man who never defiled himself by lying with a woman.

One doesn’t develop a fever and die after 15 days as a consequence of sex with the woman one loves as purportedly had been the fate of Raphael. Rather one falls ill and dies as a matter of having crossed a noble family in the habit of poisoning people or that is to say insulted the de Medicis’ masculine ego. The script of circumstance is unmistakeable.

When the rise of male hierarchy created a militant mentality or the narcissism necessary to civilization, the resultant homosexuality embedded as a cultural phenomena had been, in the beginning, transitional or optional. Monotheism’s “The Fall” took this development two steps further; with banishing the female principle of intelligence as equal to the male (paganism) and what is more, demonizing the feminine. This paved a sole avenue to a future Roman empire whose philosophical foundation mutated to a malignant-sublimated homosexuality in its entirety. The result is European-based, Christian cultural mentality.

In an ultimate act of irony, a man who never perverted his natural androgynous intelligence, reflected in his art and life, resembling more the pagan of antiquity as opposed to the modern male narcissist, consecrates an original pagan temple against all odds; for Raphael had been interred in the Roman Pantheon. This is Raphael’s paradox.

Rome_Pantheon

*

Related:

You’ve Got Apes! On European cultural mentality

The Gospel According to Ronald On the historical Jesus

Original Sin is a Hate Crime Abuse of women & nature

Celebrating the Anti-Christ Lies, the church & history

Marquis de Sade Pervert of Western Philosophy

Junípero Serra On house breaking dogs (Catholic style)

A Coward Called Machismo Observations on Machismo

*

Featured Satire:

Steve ‘rosie’ O’Bannon a ‘Team Trump’ sexuality question

If you are faint of heart, have a weak stomach, are politically correct or treasure your peace of mind, you’re advised to depart this page NOW

The Satires

Lenny Bruce & George Carlin on Jews for Jesus concerning idiocy

When a Rooster Thumbs Its Nose info-satire by Ronald

Narciss-O-Meter Whose fake news?

If ‘The Donald’ Were a Real… (man?)

March of the Tickle Dicks pictorial

Moot Court The Donald vs Ted Cruz

The Economics of Moonshine Whiskey Monetary fracking

Throwing Stones From Glass Houses Social-political commentary

Whereas the Enemy of Your Friend is Your Favorite F**K

Urolagnetics On Scientology

Junípero Serra On house breaking dogs (Catholic style)

MERGE On Chomsky’s theory

People Who Behave As Stupid As They Look Uh-huh

Who Punked the Cardinal? On Vatican Fashion

Opus Dei creavit monitor lacertae Charlie Hebdo & satire

Alfreda Bikowski & the Definition of Stupid Only at the CIA

Obama’s Speech at Queensland Parody

Liberals On multiculturalism

Obama’s Speech to Skull & Bones A parody of his UN address

Teleprompter Forget it, you don’t want to go there

Thuck Norris Rated ‘S’ for SICK (parental advisory)

Democracy Now! State secrets & the war in Liberacestan

Michele Bachmann & Wild Indians Kerouac in drag

Dick Cheney’s Rottweiler Dog butt-sniffing rituals

Maison de l’Histoire de France Fellatio, Sarkozy & French history

The Great Phuc Uuus Massacre Propaganda trained CIA lizards

Bozo’s Handcock U Speech George Bush & Tony Blair in love

My Life as a Joke Personal Ad (women only please)

The Pachuco Stare Decisis SCOTUS = SCROTUM

The Moron Bernard-Henry Lévy He truly is a moron

How Jesus Gets Kicked Out Of Heaven Naughty George Carlin

NOT My Last Tango in Paris The NSA & cyanide suppositories

Demons Anonymous Addiction to destructive fantasies

Saint Chester Prince of the Church & patron saint of boys

A Conversation With Jon Stewart Barack Obama is a White man!

Scooby Doo is Lyndon LaDouche ‘Rut a retard’

Saki & Barf: killer women of the State Department Just rude

Salinas vs Texas U.S. Supreme Court self inflicted lawyer joke

Life’s Little Surprises A devil teaches law

Happy the Indian Guide On stereotypes

Napi in the New Age A ‘red apple’ Indian story

Mother’s Day and Male Dopes Moms & cannabis

Breakfast at a Pizzaria The German ‘I hate my life’ philosophy

Our Gang rascals too big for their breeches

World Cup Scribbles Rabies & dog muzzles

English Football International competition

Sardonism Adults Playing Cowboys and Indians

The Gospel According to Ronald On the historical Jesus

The Islamic State for Dummies The K.I.S.S. principle

NATO’s Three Chihuahuas Small dog syndrome

Essay On Native American Humor ‘Napi Eats His Butt’ (Best satire)

Perverts of Western Philosophy Locke to de Sade (and more)

A Cheesey Detective Story (Series)

Episode 1

Episode 2

Guest Appearances:

Raghead Political satire by Bill Purkayastha

Admiral John Kirby Comedy straight out of the Pentagon

About Clowns DJ Rankin

*

f3

^ dedicated to politics

Rated ’S’ for SICK (parental advisory)

Thuck Norris (Unofficial Biography)

You’ve all heard of consummate pleasure? This is about consonant leisure or lazy tongue (and other) deformities of speech. It’s like when two, unacquainted, half-wit hair-lips meet and each thinks the other is mimicking-mocking him. And this misunderstanding begins a fight. But in the case of Thuck Norris, it also has to do with Asians cannot distinguish the R and the L or other consonants when speaking English and this often offends his sense of supremacy, because he cannot distinguish between this phenomena and the hair-lip pronunciation, and Norris believes he’s being mocked by the entire world.

It all began in middle school martial arts class, when Thuck had caught roundhouse kick to the side of his head. The sound of his opponent’s foot to Thuck’s ear, on impact, sounded like a sickening ‘thuck.’ Similar to the ugly sound of an over-ripe watermelon cracking open when given too solid a slap.

Lying on the mat, suddenly, permanently stupid, consequent hearing problem with attending brain damage had indelibly imprinted Thuck’s memory, and this had a most unfortunate result; because a concerned Asian kid in his class had shouted “Chuck!” as the martial arts instructor, almost, but not quite simultaneously, had shouted “Norris!” and Thuck Norris thought the Asian kid had shouted “Fuck Norris!” Going forward, because of the resultant hearing problem with attending brain damage, forever after his name always sounded like ‘Thuck Norris!’

And so it was Thuck came to believe every Asian on this planet (except for certain Evangelicals, South Koreans particularly) was deliberately saying “Fuck Norris!” but was unable to get the pronunciation right. Thus Thuck had been indelibly cast into that category of people ‘too stupid to understand they are stupid’, as it seemed to him the larger world had adopted this moniker, which actually exists only in Thuck’s brain damaged understanding. This nevertheless inspired his crusade to beat the living shit out of every gook on the planet and conquer the beliefs of Lao Tzu, Confucius, and the Buddha, all on behalf of ‘The Lord.’

And because the roundhouse kick’s impact had also regurgitated subliminal Sunday school stories and lodged them firmly in Thuck’s frontal cortex, together with Cecil B DeMille cinema scenes, Thuck came to believe he is, at different odd and intermixed moments, Goliath, Samson, and very strangely, for reasons no one understands (not least the Cherokee Nation) Thuck has frequent visions of Virginia Dare in her Native alter-ego: Dancing Water Moccasin.

Thuck, it would seem, has serious life issues.

Thuck joined the Air Force but could not get into the Academy because he believed Angela Jolie’s bra was the definition of Algebra. And because of homo-erotica association with Thuck’s martial art…

…he was made a military policeman who nobody could take seriously:

Air Force Airman-sports reporter Hunter Thompson subsequently penned this article on Norris:

*

EGLIN AFB, FLORIDA (November 8)— PFC Thuck Norris, a novice Air Policeman, was severely injured here today when a wine bottle exploded against his head at the Air Police gatehouse at the west entrance to the base. Norris largely was incoherent for several hours after the incident, but managed to make a statement which indicated he believed the bottle was hurled from a speeding chariot which approached the gatehouse on the wrong side of the road, coming from the general direction of the SEPARATION CENTER.

Investigators revealed only minutes before the incident at the gatehouse, a reportedly “fanatical” airman had received his separation papers and was rumored to have set out in the direction of the gatehouse at high speed in what Norris described as a Ben Hur style vehicle, powered with stolen horses. An immediate search was begun for Hunter S. Thompson, erstwhile sports editor of the base newspaper and well-known “morale problem.” Thompson was known to have a sometimes overpowering affinity for mocking religious fanatics and had been described by Air Policeman Norris (presently confined to the base sanatorium) as “just the type of bastard who would do a thing like that.”

Meanwhile, PFC Norris will be evaluated in the neuropsychological ward at base hospital, with suspected head injury induced, PTSD delusions he is the Biblical Samson. The ward nurse states the condition of the patient is “Literally guarded.”

*

Thuck, with a consequent ‘Brain damaged’ but ‘Loves Jesus’ discharge from the Air Force, went on to become a cultural consultant, physical educator and trainer to the stars; here with Donny & Marie Osmond at his Wimp Thuck Lo (TM)  School of Martial Arts, where Marie Osmond becomes infatuated with Thuck, resulting in Donny Osmond has an uncontrollable fit of jealousy and is savagely beaten:

Old age hasn’t made mental state for our B movie hero any better…

Thuck’s Vision

It was the Year of Our Lord 1605. Thuck was tied to a post in the camp of the Apache Winnitou:

Norris_Winnitou

Virgina Dare, now grown and known as Dancing Water Moccasin, was present to ‘save’ Norris:

Indian_Princess

The Indians called a council to discuss the matter, as there was important information to be gained. Lawyer-Chief Broke Medicine Ego, the injured party, following interrogation, made a case for Norris release, based on the rationale Norris was incapable of grasping the gravity of the White Race’s criminal health:

Medicine Ego: “What is this white pus I acquired from Dancing Water Moccasin?”

Norris: “You got White puss?”

Medicine Ego: “It’s white pus.”

Norris: “She’s White puss.”

Medicine Ego: “I’m saying she gave me this white pus.”

Norris: “What’d you expect? She’s White puss.

Medicine Ego: “Everyone has this pus where you came from?”

Norris: “We all get White puss.”

The Indians misunderstanding Norris’ slang, combined with Thuck’s hearing related brain damage altogether missing ‘pus’ in the line of questioning, the Indians concluded White puss and white pus were synonyms. If all were this way, the Whites could not understand and be held accountable.

And so it is, via visionary experience, Thuck consequently believes in White puss salvation, and has become obsessed with commercial fantasies of Michele Bachmann:

Bachmann_Doll

 Thuck’s obsession ^ (link to easy listening commercial theme)

And finally, Thuck has become altogether mad, over a late 2006 soccer game at Albuquerque, New Mexico, between Air Force Academy and the New Mexico Lobos, when a New Mexico fan shouted to the Air Force goalie “You play like the women you rape at the academy!” and New Mexico consequently scored against a flipped out Air Force. The now thoroughly insane Thuck Norris consequently became ‘Christian Dominionism’s’ most ardent defender of the United States military’s Christian extremist elements generally, and at the Air Force Academy particularly.

In the after life, when ‘almighty god’ (that is, Thuck Norris) beheld the immortal lampoonist Ronald Thomas West hauled in front of him on Judgement Day, Ronald stated:

“Don’t try to stare ME down, old Thuck. I’ve looked many a better man than you in the eye. Save your speech for some other false conviction, because if I am a monster, you are a fiend, for I have merely satirized a handful of morons, while more good men have been slaughtered by the beliefs expressed in your Dominionist jawbone than Samson slew with the jawbone of that other historic ass!”

And so there it is folks, the story of the man who inspired innumerable Boy Scouts chanting ‘How much wood would a Woodthuck thuck, if a Woodthuck could thuck wood’ .. to goad old Norris into flipping out in his patently juvenile persuasion…

*

*

Disclaimer: Although it was Chuck Norris attacking the Military Religious Freedom Foundation inspired this satire, I did not ask permission of the Military Religious Freedom Foundation, whom I support strongly, for permission to write and post this. If I’d asked permission, they might have said ‘no’ and I would have felt compelled to honor the foundation’s wishes. That said, now that it is up, it’s not coming down, no matter who might make any request. I have as much right to exercise my First Amendment ugliness as any Christian Dominionist. Suck on that Thuck.

The Satires

Clown Rack

The ‘Free Speech Clown’ series

Morality masks a plethora of behaviors ethics cannot. Native American humor was all about ethics, that is no matter how harsh a truth, it must be out in the open at the least as a metaphor, the purpose in Native humor is all about keeping things honest.

The humor in western culture, on the other hand, often cannot honestly observe without crossing morality. So humor does not much serve to keep western culture honest, because too many people are afraid to go there. The thing with this is, if people were not afraid to go with honest observations, things could never degenerate to where we are now.

So, I will write about an Indian, a culturally intact Indian. Imagine the insanity of a tribal mentality taught to observe and honestly remark on the world around them suddenly cast adrift into the ego shielding ‘Honky’ sea of political correctness. Now, this native mentality is only certifiably insane because of context, or better said, an out of context circumstance. Because in the native world from which he had sprung, politically correct is actually a buzz word for the circling buzzards of Indian humor, any Native who hears the words ‘politically correct’ is apt to drop everything and listen in to the most recent wisdom and insight (always in the format of the often untranslatable to the Whiteman ‘Indian Humor’) ripping the people who trashed 200 years of treaties and moved on pretending as though nothing had happened.

This endeavor goes to shatter stereotype of the ‘taciturn’ Indian which is actually a reflection of the little understood Native cultural communication phenomena of rather than say something honest to a Whiteman that threatens the Whiteman’s ego and be killed, just shut up. Unless of course, you are not afraid to die.

For simple literary device sake, we will make this Indian 1) White skinned and 2) the last of his kind. How could this happen and the said Native persona is alive in the 21st century, a full 150 years since the Native custom of a White captive child raised to be Indian?

Well now, to be honest in the Native way, we must address this portion of the literary endeavor with a joke story drawn from real life, a sort of collage of facts assembled from bits and pieces of diverse experience, combined with anecdotal information to create the culturally intact inherent Native wisdom found in their humor. In other words, parts of the story from here out is an autobiographical facts incorporated, multi-faceted rip-off of other peoples life stories and experience. And because unlike the White world, the Native world entertains paradox in daily approach to life, some more of what follows is simply made up from the imagination’s fund of plausible improbabilities.

We’ll call the Indian “Ron” although his native name in the Cree Indian country he hails from is ‘Moon-i-Yas’ which can be translated either “Not like us” or “Paleface.” In “Ron’s” case it is “Paleface” when properly translated, because the other translation applies to people who behave like Whites, rather than merely look like them. And by Native definition, “Ron” is Indian on account of his cultural behavior, his ‘pale face’ simply being unfortunate circumstance or, better said from the Indian perspective, that peculiar cosmic joke of life circumstance which one way or other manifests the Trickster aspect in all Native experience.

To kick off the story, back in the late 1940s there were people just like today’s truly Honky folk, real White people, that behaved in all sorts of self- repressed ways and repressed their own kids because of their staunch Puritan belief in H.L. Menecken’s maximum that ‘proper’ Puritans must preoccupy themselves with the horrifying thought “Someone, somewhere, might be happy.” So they learned to follow Jesus command to ‘love’ by ‘loving’ to hate.

Because of the ‘love’ factor in ‘loving’ to hate themselves, their kids and their fellow man, making ‘love’ is more often a rape than not, ‘loving’ their brothers and sisters is ‘loving’ to tell other people how to live their lives, and ‘loving’ security is to create an insecure society so they can ‘love’ the idea of a police state.

Now the daughters of these fundamentalist people, whether the arch-conservative Protestant or the ultra-conservative Catholic, are not so different to some of today’s young women, raised in families that with bared fangs dare anyone to so much as mention sex to their children let alone have it taught anywhere other than at the kegger parties of the young people, who learn to hide the realities of their lives from their parents because you are punished whether you lie or tell the truth. So lying becomes in vogue because if you are young and you lie, you might not be caught and punished for enjoying yourself, whereas if you tell the truth you will be punished every time. So impromptu sex education at the young peoples kegger parties gives a whole new meaning to expressions such as ‘powerpoint’ and the many unwed young mothers resulting are simply one manifestation of God’s will and Jesus commandment that people ‘love’ (other peoples misery in the case of Michelle Bachmann and the Puritans.)

As fate would have it, in the late 1940s a young Catholic girl had gone from her conservative family upbringing and all girls school, where the nuns would not touch sex-ed with the proverbial ten foot pole, in Chicago, to college at Gonzaga in Washington State where she was introduced to sex as a sorority girl by innumerable happy to oblige young men .. at the ‘Girls Gone Wild’ parties before the era of exploiting these events on video. Concealing her inevitable pregnancy from her far away folks, not having known what a condom is, she was driving home to Chicago with her new born, this was in 1950, give or take a year or so, and dropped the infant off on the doorstep at the Catholic Rectory at Havre, Montana, with a note pinned on the swaddling infants dress: “Ron”

A Chippewa Medicine Man from the nearby Rocky Boy’s Indian Reservation was at the cinema close by, he enjoyed the classic ‘Bugs Bunny’ cartoons preceding the movie and paid his entry fee for that but then always left. The movies themselves were non-sense to him. Walking along the street, he noticed a dropped envelope, picked it up and was surprised to see it was stuffed with cash. He saw the black ink stamp of the Catholic parish on the envelope and walked to give it to the priest at the rectory, and found the infant. Stepping around the child and standing on the step above, he knocked and the priest answered the door. The Medicine Man stated “I found your lost money” and handed the surprised priest the envelope. The priest, who hated this Medicine Man his Native parishioners would sneak off to see behind his back, shouted “Returning this money won’t buy YOUR way out of Hell!” and slammed the door in the Indian’s face, before he could tell him about the child.

The Indian knocked several times more, and patiently waited, but there was no further opening of the door. So, he picked up the kid and took “Ron” home.

Given to the Medicine Man’s niece who had her own infant the same age, “Ron” was suckled, named “Moon-i-Yas”, surrounded with love and the native joke the newly found ‘twin’ was result of “Indian Immaculate Conception.” No one of the Indians wanted to give the found kid to the meaner than shit racist White people at Havre, Montana, it just seemed wrong. When it came time to take the infants to the Indian Agency for birth certificates and enrollment, the Agency people just figured they were fraternal twins and there was a White father of the one child. So “Ron” grew up Indian. He moved to Al-boo-quark-ee in the southwest because of his fond memories of the old Medicine Man mimicking Bugs Bunny’s pronunciation of that city’s name.

Sixty odd years after “Ron’s” birth, President Obama ordered DNA tests on all Indians to reduce the Native Enrollment and save money better spent on covert wars in Africa and drone murders than Indian health, kicking Indians that could not demonstrate 75% Native American blood off their reservations. It was discovered Moon-i-Yas, a.k.a. “Ron”, was the last White captive and he became a national sensation. What bloodthirsty savage had murdered his family and kidnapped this child? And anyway, a White Indian had to be a subversive, the bloodthirsty murdering savages that raised “Ron” had to have imparted their pagan licentiousness to him. The FBI was ordered to investigate “Ron”, it was a matter of ‘National Security.’

Meanwhile “Ron” had discovered a few things about White people. Like when an arch-conservative fundamentalist Republican principal of a lily-white charter school surreptitiously run as a private Christian institution that doubled as a cover for intelligence agents masked as teachers who break every civil rights law you can imagine, have discovered you have raised your kid Indian, all of the state apparatus is arrayed against you for the satanic act of being an ultra-liberal permissive parent. Allergies causing red eyes are interpreted as the child being a devil, but because there is no law to charge you with for that, you are investigated for drugs. When you are courageous enough to fight back for your kid and call a spade a spade, it is ‘undue hostility towards authority’ and you are investigated for terrorism. Failing every effort at criminal entrapment and being counter-investigated, assassins are dispatched by the neo-con hate mongers… and failing again and again it all just keeps getting bigger- FBI criminals implicated, Department of Defense criminals implicated, CIA criminals implicated, the criminal Church implicated, the National Security Agency implicated, allied intelligence, MOSSAD particularly, implicated.. meanwhile the White, Native American Jason Bourne-savant-idiot-trickster- clown has ‘pantsed’ the fascists again and again!

Because “Ron” really IS Indian, he fights back with taunts and satires, in the post –modern weapon of blogs. “Ron” taunts the establishment with the idea of “Jewels Misogyny”, wherein these neo-conservative & neo-liberal closet-gay institutions of accelerated education attended by the children of the military-industrial rich and powerful, only the brightest and most beautiful women teachers are hired… and must adopt masculine persona like so many ‘bull dikes’ as have the Michelle Bachmanns of this world, women who consequently marry self-repressed homosexuals attracted to these so-called women because of their male persona. They are all ‘men’ resembling nothing so much as castrated mannequins in drag (say, how’s that ‘cures gays’ clinic going? Remember Jesus saying “Heal thyself”?)

The end result? Either liberal women who hate themselves (Jewels Misogyny) for their participation in this travesty, job security being more important than ethics and fighting back or, women with “Acquired Ego Priapism Syndrome” like Michelle Bachman or the ‘imaginary’ school principal. Women who behave like sexist and racist men. Woman-male rapists of our values of tolerance and compassion, the liberal and libertarian values that are uniquely American, the ability to live and let live. Women of Bachmann’s class which join with criminal-fascist men in covering up constitutional crimes with religious façade Obama is afraid to pick on.

Of course the initial culture clash long ago was the Indians being shocked at how harshly the Puritans treated their children, the cause of many a ‘captive White’ raised in Native freedom and, conversely the Puritan horror at the liberty of the Native children resulting in the practice of “The only good Indian is a dead Indian.” Not so different to Bachmann’s persecution of the American Muslim, with her racist slurs thinly disguised behind sharia law hysteria. Bachmann is a Puritan, psychologically male, W.A.S.P. with Acquired Ego-Priapism Syndrome, in effect a chauvinist as pathologically erect as any male serial rapist.

What I mostly enjoy about this story is, in the modern politically correct world where only women can refer to a woman as a bitch, and get away with it, no differently than only gays may refer to themselves as queers or fags, only Blacks can call themselves Niggers or Asians can call themselves Gooks or Chinks, Mexicans self-refer as Beaners, Jews calling themselves Kikes, Indians laughing at the idea of being Prairie Niggers, and Sheep bleating to themselves they are Meadow Maggots, without a hate crime referral, but this Indian author can call the right wing White fascist people in absolute racist terms “Honkies” and totally get away with it because he is White skinned. I say that especially because of Supreme Court Justice Alito referring to “Marauding Indians” in a context of self-defense in recent decision on firearms, I suppose he thinks we should be hunted like wolves from planes. But because no one ordinarily can comment on physical attributes such as gender or skin color outside their own race or sex freely, this prevents in any politically correct circumstance the real or broad examination of the perverse Puritan sexist and racist BEHAVIORS tied to the descriptions which underlie psychologically male, HONKY, right-wing criminal women like Bachmann; who resembles nothing so much as the drag queen Jack Kerouac must have fantasized himself, had he dared to be openly gay.

Gee. Somehow the story did not end up funny. I’ll work on that.

**

The Satires

 

 

 

%d bloggers like this: