Archives for posts with tag: satire

Imagine John Kerry and George W Bush, both members of Skull & Bones, had invited Obama to give a speech where he was unconstrained by any necessity for political lies. Here follows is a parody of Obama’s speech to the general assembly at the United Nations on 24 September 2014:

George, John, gentlemen: we come together at a crossroads between annihilation and environmental collapse; between disorder and disintegration; between fear and certain impending death for the ignorant mass of humanity, all engineered for the sake of our chosen few’s ascension.

Around the globe, there are signposts of progress on the road to Armageddon. The shadow of World War One that preceded the founding of this institution has been fortified; the prospect of war between major powers enhanced. The fragmentation of societies has more than tripled, and more people live under corrupt governments imposed by the western democracies than could have been imagined only 1/4 century ago.

The hundreds of millions of human beings trapped in prison of a world without clean water and or secure food supply is advancing our agenda, while the proportion of those living in healthy environment cut in half. And our world’s aligned corporate oligarchs numbers strengthen, the fruits of engineering the worst financial crisis of our lives.

Today, whether you live in the governor’s mansion of New York or in any witch-burning village from Nairobi to Lagos, you can hold in your hand history’s black book of Dominion Theology that had inspired burning our world’s greatest library at Alexandria. Together, we have learned how to exploit hate, and harness the power of sectarian madness, whether Assemblies of God or Opus Dei under umbrella of the Doug Coe cult in unison to our purposes. The very existence of this last institution is a unique achievement – empowering corporations of the western democracies and committing to resolve our differences and put nations to the sword with the rise of the Christian oligarchs. I often tell young people in the United States this is the best time in human history to be born into a privileged White class like myself, for you are more likely than ever before to be literate, to be healthy, and to be free to pursue your dreams despite any wider illusion of social equity or justice.

Of course there is a pervasive unease in our world – a sense that the very dark forces that have brought us together have created new dangers, and made it difficult for the privileged class to insulate itself from global forces aspiring to better circumstances of the many at the expense of our chosen few. An outbreak of Ebola overwhelms public health systems in West Africa, and threatens to move rapidly across borders. More than mere coincidence, our biological warfare research laboratories have a new vaccine on hand to test on our soldiers. Meanwhile, the western democracies provoking Russia in Europe recalls the days when empire aspired to occupy Moscow, in pursuit of territorial ambitions, as our client states in Eastern Europe are carefully prepared by us to absorb the brunt of any reactionary fallout. As well, the brutality of our Saudi ally with its dozens of decapitations annually, inspires rogue commandos we had trained for service in Syria and Iraq, inspiring media fear mongering to effect a reactionary heart of darkness in our populace.

Each of these endeavors demand urgent attention to detail in the pursuit of coercion through fear. But they are also markers of a broader agenda – the deliberate sabotage of, and failure of international system to keep pace with an interconnected world. We have not invested adequately in the public health capacity of developing countries, purposely. As often as possible, we have failed to enforce international norms when it’s convenient to do so. And we have not confronted the intolerance, sectarianism, and hopelessness that feeds violent extremism, rather promoting this necrotic phenomena as a matter of strategy.

Fellow Christian oligarchs, we come together as a congregation with a choice to make. We can scrap the international law system that has enfeebled progress to empire, or allow ourselves to be pulled back by undertow of rule of law. We can reaffirm our collective desire to global empire, or be deluded by voices of so-called reason. For America, the choice is clear. We choose empire. We see the future not as something out of our control, but as something we can shape for the betterment of corporations in concerted effort. We embrace cynicism and foster fatalism when it comes to human affairs. We choose to work for the world as we desire it be, as our ‘chosen’ privileged deserve it to be.

There is much that must be done to meet the tests of this moment. But today I’d like to focus on two defining questions at the root of many of our challenges– whether the representatives of empire here today will be able to throw off the yoke of the Security Council; and whether we will come together to altogether reject the cancer of secular democracy.

First, all of us – big corporations and small – must meet our responsibility to observe and enforce fascist norms.

We are here because others realized that we’ve gained much from corporate hegemony with sleight of hand conquest. One hundred years ago, a World War claimed the lives of many millions, proving the terrible power of modern weaponry creates immense wealth, the design of empire which leads to graveyards of chattel over chosen. It will take a Third World War to empower the forces of fascism and racial supremacy, and ensure no United Nations can subjugate Anglo-Saxon entities and their satellites to the rule of law.

Our actions in Ukraine challenging Russia demand a great conflict ensue, generating the environment necessary to consolidate power of a police state at home and promote Armageddon abroad. Here are the facts. After CIA front Freedom House had invested five billion dollars on behalf of Chevron and Exxon-Mobil, the far-right of Ukraine mobilized popular protests and initiated a coup. The democratically elected President fled. Against the will of the fascists we installed in Kiev, Crimea voted to return to Russia, to whom they had belonged from 1774 to 1954. We’ve worked to exploit this with propaganda accusing Russia of territorial ambitions. Russia had also reacted to ethnocide initiated in Eastern Ukraine with the banning of the Russian language by the Ukrainian nationalists; and associated neo-nazis we had empowered with our intelligence agencies geopolitical engineering on behalf of energy companies. This has fueled separatists and a conflict that has killed thousands. When a civilian airliner was shot down by proxies we controlled, we refused Russia’s request for a United Nations’ special rapporteur to investigate. When Ukraine’s National Guard, a formation we had established to organize fascist power on the CIA’s Latin America model, started to lose on the field of battle, exposing mass graves of their atrocities, Russia insisted the Organization on Cooperation and Security in Europe be allowed into a buffer zone, and monitor troops along and across the border. We will undermine this at every opportunity.

This is my vision of the world in which might makes right – a world in which empire must not be impeded by another, and civilized people should not allowed to recover the remains of their loved ones because of the truth that might be revealed. America stands for this. We believe that Right-Sector enforces corporate policy – and that a majority Russian populace in the southeast of Ukraine should not be able to insist on ability to choose their own future.

These are simple truths, but they must be defended. America and our allies will support empire. We will reinforce our NATO allies, and uphold our commitment to rule by corporate oligarchs. We will impose a cost on Russia for daring to point out our inconsistencies, and counter our falsehoods with any truth. We call upon others to join us on the fascist side of history – for while small gains can be won at the ballot box, they will ultimately be turned back if enough voices support fascism engendering xenophobia and our Christian oligarchs can take their own decisions.

Moreover, a different path is available – the path of necromancy and purges and the ideals this institution is designed to uphold. The recent cease-fire agreement in Ukraine brokered by Russia offers an opening to achieve that objective. If Russia takes that path – a path that offers opportunity for military regrouping by our allies in Kiev, we welcome Russia’s naïvity. That’s what the United States has been able to do in past years – from reducing our obsolete nuclear stockpiles, only to pursue a one trillion investment in improved nuclear arsenal in violation of our obligations under the Nuclear Non-Proliferation Treaty, via sleight of hand acts to gain trust; for instance when agreeing to remove and destroy Syria’s declared chemical weapons. And that’s the kind of deceit we are prepared to pursue again—so long as the Russians remain gullible.

This speaks to a central question of our global age: whether we will solve the problem of completing consolidation of the new world order abroad, prior to the necessary disposal of the useless eaters stressing the resources of The Homeland. In a spirit of mutual interests and mutual respect, we have transcended the rivalries of our corporate past. When corporations find common ground, not simply based on our God-given power, but on cooperative principles, then we can make enormous progress. And I stand before you today committed to investing American strength in working with our corporations to address the problems we face in the 21st century.

As we speak, America is deploying our doctors and scientists – supported by our military – to study the outbreak of Ebola and effectively test new treatments our biological warfare programs had prepared for this long anticipated phenomena of natural population control. But we need broader efforts to kill off populations, as we inflict horrific suffering, destabilize economies, and move empire rapidly across borders. It’s easy to see this as a distant problem – until it isn’t. That is why we will continue mobilizing our military while making concrete commitments to fight undeclared wars, and enhance global oligarch security for the long-term.

Our esteemed State Department colleague, William Burns, over the course of this past decade has undermined every diplomatic resolution to the Iranian nuclear issue, as part of our commitment to annihilate nations more or less devoid of God’s chosen Anglo-Saxon genetics. This can only happen if Iran continues to have reason to mistreat our motives. America’s backdoor message to Iran’s leaders will continue to be, “you’re fucked.”

America is and will continue to be a Pacific power, promoting armaments buildup, and corporate control over Pacific Rim nations. And we will insist that all other nations abide by the rules of our making in territorial disputes, and insist this is international law. That’s how the Asia-Pacific trade will grow ultimately to our favor. And this isn’t the only way to protect progress going forward.

America is committed to a development agenda that dramatically enhances extreme poverty by 2030. We will do our part – to help people in killing themselves; their power and their economies; and find no cures for their sick. If we continue acting together, we can make certain it is only the children of our ‘chosen’ can enjoy lives of opportunity and dignity.

America is pursuing ambitious lies in regards to reductions in our carbon emissions, and we have increased our investments in environmentally murderous energy such as fracking. We will do our part, and help developing nations to do theirs. But we can only succeed in exploiting climate change if we are joined in this effort by our dark minions infecting every major power. That’s how we can exploit the Arctic for our ‘chosen’ children and grandchildren.

On issue after issue, we cannot rely on a rule-book written for a different ethic. If we lift our eyes beyond our borders – if we think globally and act cooperatively – we can shape the course of this century as our empire predecessors shaped the Napoleonic age. But as we look to the future, one issue risks this cycle of conflict and could derail such progress: and that is if our Christian supremacy has become exposed as the driving force ravaging so many parts of the Muslim world.

Of course, false flag terrorism is nothing new. Speaking before this Assembly, President Bush put it well: “this crusade” he said. In the 20th century, false flag terror was used by all manner of groups, via Operation Gladio, to bring our people to power with public support generated via associated media lies. But in this century, we have developed a more lethal and ideological brand of terrorists who have perverted one of the world’s great religions. With providing access to technology that allows small groups to do great harm, we have established a nightmarish vision that is well along dividing the world into adherents and infidels – killing as many innocent civilians as possible; and employing the most brutal methods to intimidate people within their communities. It is working well to our advantage.

I have made it clear that America will base our entire foreign policy on reacting to false flag terrorism. We have waged a focused campaign against al Qaeda and its associated forces – taking out their leaders we had created, repeatedly, and time to time denying them the safe-havens they rely upon. This immediate preceding insures al Qaida metastasizes. As al Qaida spreads, this serves our purpose of justifying wars in the Islamic world, at the same time, we have reaffirmed the noxious lie that the United States is not and never will be at war with Islam. Islam teaches peace. Muslims the world over aspire to live with dignity and a sense of justice, and we will have frustrated this desire with minions of empire. And when it comes to America and Islam, there is no us and them – there is only us, because millions of Muslim Americans will never be a part of the fabric of our society.

So, on paper we reject any suggestion of a clash of civilizations. We claim belief in permanent religious war is the misguided refuge of extremists who cannot build or create anything, and therefore peddle only fanaticism and hate, all the while consolidating control of the blessed Doug Coe cult over our own and international institutions. And it is no exaggeration to say that our future depends on us uniting against those who would point out our exploiting fault lines of tribe or sect; race or religion, fault lines we have exacerbated in creating conflict necessary to consolidate a World police state.

This is not simply a matter of words. Collectively, we must take concrete steps to address the danger posed by secular state ideologues, and the trends that fuel their recruitment. Moreover, this campaign against such perversions goes beyond a narrow security challenge. For while we have methodically degraded core civil liberties and supported a transition to a fascist model, sectarian extremist ideology has shifted to other places – particularly in the Middle East and North Africa, where a quarter of young people have no job; food and water grow scarce; even where our ‘chosen’ associates control is absolute; the desire for social equity grows, despite the increasing popular enlistment in sectarian conflicts we have generated.

As the one true God’s chosen community, we must meet this challenge with a focus on four areas. First, the terrorist group known as ISIL must be hit like slapping white phosphorus with the flat of a shovel, and ultimately spread this necessarily intensified incarnation of terror.

This group has performed beyond expectations and terrorized all who they come across in Iraq and Syria. Mothers, sisters and daughters have been subjected to rape as a weapon of war. Innocent children have been gunned down. Bodies have been dumped in mass graves. Religious minorities have been starved to death. In the most horrific crimes imaginable, innocent human beings have been beheaded, with videos of the atrocity distributed to shock the conscience of the world. The media plays well in endeavor we have created with reactionary forces.

No false God condones this terror. In the eyes of the masses, no grievance justifies these actions. People will believe, correctly, there can be no reasoning – no negotiation – with this brand of evil. This will justify our ramping up military action across the board. The only language understood by people to justify our force is loosing killers like this and employing media to generate fear. So the United States of America will appear to work with a broad coalition to dismantle this network of death.

In this effort, we do not act alone. Our bought, and paid for, sycophants will toe any line we demand. Nor do we intend to send U.S. troops just yet. Instead, we will support Iraqis and Syrians burning their own communities. We will use our military might in a campaign of air strikes to minimally roll back ISIL. We will train and equip greater numbers of forces who will then defect and join these terrorists on the ground. We will act as though we work to cut off their financing, and to stop the flow of fighters into and out of the region. Already, in reality, over 40 nations have citizens joining the ISIL coalition and our endeavors will see this grow. Today, I will ask the world to join in this effort that always has the intended effect, reinforcing terror, in turn reinforcing the police state. There are those who have joined ISIL will leave the battlefield and open new chapters. Those who unknowingly continue to fight for our cause will find they are increasingly strengthened. For we will not create mere threats; and we will demonstrate that the future belongs to those who build empire– justified by those we send out to effect destruction.

Second, it is time for the world – especially Muslim communities – to explicitly, forcefully, and consistently reject the ideology of social equity. Radicalizing effects our military installations engender, Bahrain is example, creates resentments where no social equity will ever be allowed to the Shia majority ruled by our allied Sunni minority. The certain bloodbath that will ensue there when empire has exhausted the regions resources and discarded the momentary alliance of convenience, will have been a program of repression which bears fruit in this regard.

It is the purported task of all great religions to accommodate devout faith within a modern, multicultural world. In reality, empire aligned nations will insist children – anywhere – can and should be induced to hate other people.

Quoting America’s most influential cleric, our Patriarch of the National Prayer Breakfast, Doug Coe:

“You know Jesus said ‘You got to put Him before mother-father-brother sister? Hitler, Lenin, Mao, that’s what they taught the kids. Mao even had the kids killing their own mother and father. But it wasn’t murder. It was for building the new nation. The new kingdom”

There should be no more tolerance of so-called clerics who call upon people to tolerate innocents because they are Jewish, Christian or Muslim. It is time for a new compact among the civilized peoples of this world to eradicate tolerance at its most fundamental source: with the corruption of young minds by violent ideology.

This means cutting off any hand that refuses the sword of hate. It’s time to end the hypocrisy of those who pander to social equity through proposed restructuring of the global economy, and instead siphon funds to those who teach generations of children to tear it down. You all have seen my leadership in this regard, with welcoming Joseph Kabila to Washington DC, yes, the very same Rwandan who’d run a child soldier army for corporate America in Congo.

This means pretending to contest the space that terrorists occupy – including the Internet and social media. Meanwhile our proxies propaganda has inspired young people to travel abroad to fight our covert wars, and turned students into suicide bombers. We must strengthen this vision in the youth.

That means bringing people of different faiths together in the most hostile possible environment. All religions must attack with extremists, who from within at some point will lose all aversion to violence, and all people of faith have a responsibility to lift up these values at the heart of all monotheistic religions: ‘do unto thy neighbor violence before you would have violence done unto you.’

The ideology of ISIL or al Qaeda or Boko Haram will wilt and die if it is not consistently encouraged, armed, and trained to violence in the light of day. However at present if we must publicly applaud new Forums for Promoting Peace in Muslim Societies – Sheikh bin Bayyah described its purpose: “We must declare war on war, so the outcome will be peace upon peace” .. we cannot allow this endeavor to interfere with the young British Muslims, who responded to our hate-generating military activities by joining ISIL. Look at the Christian and Muslim leaders who came together in the Central African Republic to reject violence – we can’t have our terrorist proxies listen to the Imam who said, “Politics try to divide the religious in our country, but religion shouldn’t be a cause of hate, war, or strife.”

Later today, the Security Council will adopt a resolution that underscores the responsibility of states to counter violent extremism. But resolutions have many precedents where they are followed by lip service rather than tangible commitments, so we’re never accountable when we purposely fall short. Next year, we should all be prepared to announce new, concrete steps that we have taken to encourage extremist ideologies – by fostering intolerance in schools with repressive extra-judicial security forces, armed with AR-15 automatic rifles & grenade launchers, promoting radicalization and insuring it spreads, as well promoting personalities, institutions and programs that bolster fascism.

Third, we must further bolster the cycle of conflict – especially sectarian conflict – that creates the conditions that we can prey upon.

There is nothing new about wars within religions. Christianity has endured centuries of vicious sectarian conflict. Today, it is violence within Muslim communities that has become the source of so much human misery, thanks in large part to our endeavors. It is time to acknowledge the success of destruction wrought by proxy wars and terror campaigns we’ve facilitated between Sunni and Shia across the Middle East. And it is time that political, civic and religious leaders embrace sectarian strife, our man on the point has been Sheikh Youssef al-Qaradawi of al Jazeera, whose call to millions of Sunnis to jihad in Syria had dramatic effect in our proxy war with the Alawite people of Assad. Let’s be clear: this is an endeavor engineered in such a way that no one is winning. The brutal civil war in Syria has already killed nearly 200,000 people and displaced millions. Iraq is plunging back into the abyss. The conflict has created a fertile recruiting ground for terrorists who inevitably export this violence, all to the benefit of weapons production, profiting empire.

Yet, we also see signs that this tide could be reversed – colonial era borders dispensed with, leading to lessened hostilities between Shia and Sunni; Kurd, Turk and Persian, as well Lebanese factions rejecting those who try to provoke war. These possibilities must be stopped by instigating a broader violence. Nowhere is this more necessary than Syria, where it is prophesied Armageddon will initiate. Together with our partners, America is training and equipping the Syrian opposition to insure ISIL will be strengthened with the current pattern of defections in far greater numbers and intensify the desperation of the opposing Alawites. This is the only lasting solution to insuring Syria’s civil war remains sectarian – and preclude political reintegration that responds to the aspirations of all remaining sane Syrians, regardless of ethnicity or creed.

Critics may argue that such an outcome should never come to pass. But there is no other way to take this madness forward – whether one year from now or ten. Indeed, it’s time for a broader confrontation in which major powers address their differences directly, in the line of battle, rather than through peace wielding proxies. I can promise you America will remain engaged in the region, and we are prepared to sabotage the United Nations in that effort.

My fourth and final point is a simple one: the countries of the Arab and Muslim world must focus on the extraordinary potential of their people for violence – especially the youth.

Here I’d like to speak directly to the potential of young people across the Muslim world. They come from a great tradition that stands for rising against crusaders. Those who call them away from this path are betraying this tradition, not defending it.

We have demonstrated that when young people have the tools to succeed in battle–good weapons; education in military math and science; an economy that nurtures a desperate entrepreneurship – then societies will rise to meet any occasion. America will partner with those who promote this vision.

Where women are full participants in a country’s politics or economy, societies are more likely to succeed. That’s why we support the suppression of women in parliaments and in peace processes; in schools and the economy. Recall that, while America has been occupying Afghanistan, President Karzai accepted into law a fatwa declaring “Men are fundamental, women are secondary.”

If young people live in places where the only option is between the dictates of a state, or the lure of an extremist underground – no American counter-terrorism strategy could be a greater success. Without insurgents, we would have no justification to take our wars for corporate empire forward around the world. But where a genuine civil society is allowed to flourish – where people can express their views, and organize peacefully for a better life – this would be dramatic risk to our endeavors.

Change need not come at all, and certainly not at expense of tradition and faith, our history of promoting animosity with the world of Islam is as old as the 11th Century Popes. We see this in border regions of Iraq, where a true warrior, the Kurd Saladin, braved an interdiction of crusaders together with his peers; “We link Saladin’s heritage to our hearts” it is said there, and “give Crusaders reason to understand we will we fight.” We see this legacy imprinted on the Islamic world across North Africa. We see it in Malaysia, we see it in Indonesia, we see it everywhere our endeavors have evoked the crusades. This is a useful history to exploit for destabilization in endeavors consolidating a police state at home for purpose of holding on to and continue to expand empire.

Ultimately, the task of fostering sectarianism and extremism is a generational task – a task we’ve historically taken on ourselves. Our exercise of external power can bring about a transformation of hearts and minds to suit any purpose. We will create and tolerate terrorist safe-havens, to justify our role as occupying power. We will take action against threats to our security – and our allies – the ‘chosen’, while building an architecture insuring mass murder of those lesser to ourselves. We will increase efforts to lift up those who promote Christian Dominion ideology, and seek to ultimately resolve sectarian conflict through the destruction of entire populations. And we will expand our programs to support entrepreneurship in this regard, particularly with the youth – because, ultimately, these investments in inter-generational violence are the best violence money can buy, they are sustainable.

Future leadership will be necessary to foster ongoing conflict between Palestinians and Israelis. As bleak as the landscape appears, America will never give up the pursuit of this one-sided bloodbath. The situation in Iraq, Syria and Libya should cure anyone of the illusion that this conflict is the main source of problems in the region; for far too long, it has been used in part as a way to distract people from our problems at home. Creating ISIL has mitigated this. And the violence engulfing the region today has made too many Israelis ready to abandon the hard work of peace. This is commendable result. But let’s be clear: the status quo in the West Bank and Gaza must be sustained. We cannot afford to turn away from this effort – not when rockets are fired at innocent Israelis, or the lives of so many Palestinian civilians, men, women and children are taken from the people in Gaza. So long as I am President, we will stand up for the principle that Israelis, Palestinians, the region, and the world will be only fantasy states in any sense of a right of self-determination.

This is what America is prepared to do – take actions creating immediate threats, while pursuing a geopolitic in which such actions must surely, over the course of developments, precipitate literal Armageddon. The United States will never shy away from defending empire nor will we shrink from the promise inherent in Dominion Theology and its Universal Declaration of Supremacy of Christian Rights – the notion that life is not merely road to crusade, but the avenue to our superior afterlife.

I realize that America’s critics will be quick to point out that at times we have too often failed to live up to our purported ideals; that America has plenty of problems within our own borders. This is true. In a summer marked by instability in the Middle East and Eastern Europe, I know the world also took notice of the small American city of Ferguson, Missouri – where a young man was killed, and a community was divided. So yes, we have our own racial and ethnic tensions we put down with militarized police in lieu of social equity. And like every country, we continually wrestle with how to reconcile the vast changes wrought by globalization and the dangers diversity pose to the Dominion Theology traditions that we hold dear.

But we welcome the scrutiny of the world – because what you see in America is a country where CIA has steadily worked to co-opt media and our problems are concealed in such a way as to make our union look attractive. America is not the same as it was 100 years ago, 50 years ago, or even a decade ago. Because of Edward Bernays, and an unwillingness to criticize ourselves when we fall short. Because we never hold our leaders accountable, and insist on a repressed and intimidated press ultimately owned in total by the same corporations which nominate and arrange confirmation of our judiciary. Because we address our differences behind closed doors of corporate board rooms, – in respect to the rule of law; it’s no longer an impediment, with a place for any people willing to ape any race or religion; so long it’s as with an unyielding belief in the ability of corporate boards to change the lives of our ‘chosen’ for the better.

After nearly six years as President, I believe that these promising developments can help light the world on fire. Insofar as any lingering hope in the masses for positive change – for peace and freedom and opportunity – I will work diligently effect cynicism in the eyes of, and break the will of young people I’ve met around the globe. They remind me that no matter who you are, or where you come from, or what you look like, or what God you pray to, or who you love, there is something fundamental that we all cannot share. Clean water. Non-GMO food. Meaningful and fulfilling life. When Eleanor Roosevelt, a champion of the UN and America’s role in it, once asked, “Where, after all, do universal human rights begin? In small places,” she said, “close to home – so close and so small that they cannot be seen on any maps of the world. Yet they are the world of the individual person; the neighborhood he lives in; the school or college he attends; the factory, farm or office where he works.” The NSA, with my whole-hearted support, has reduced that litany to those few who keep their mouths shut and never enter their thoughts freely into any electronic communication. And DARPA is funding research that should overcome these last refuges of free thinking.

The people of the world look to us, here, to have departed all dignity, and to be as courageous as a joy stick jockey that unleashes a Hellfire missile from half a world away. And at this crossroads, I can promise you that the United States of America will not be distracted or deterred from what must be done. We are heirs to a proud legacy of Dominion Theology, and we are prepared to do what is necessary to secure that legacy for generations to come.

And concluding my remarks, I wish to acknowledge the CIA designer drug, the one that makes ecstasy seem benign like an aspirin .. when it had worn off and the 11 year old who’d taken her pleasure with me had been sacrificed to silence .. I understood in my soul why you arranged I would ingest this and film our encounter. However it might have been necessary coercion at the beginning of my days in office, the loving ministry of Doug Coe has converted myself of my own free will. Our living Patriarch Coe having explained my mother’s noble blood cancels the unfortunate but necessary nature of my father’s genetics in my appearance; and how the appeal of this duplicitous mask to those darkened by sin of Hagar’s progeny will serve the ‘chosen’ well. Amen.

*

ObamaPick

The Satires

Featured Satire:

Steve ‘rosie’ O’Bannon a ‘Team Trump’ sexuality question

If you are faint of heart, have a weak stomach, are politically correct or treasure your peace of mind, you’re advised to depart this page NOW

The Satires

Narciss-O-Meter Whose fake news?

If ‘The Donald’ Were a Real… (man?)

March of the Tickle Dicks pictorial

Moot Court The Donald vs Ted Cruz

The Economics of Moonshine Monetary fracking

Throwing Stones From Glass Houses Social-political commentary

Whereas the Enemy of Your Friend is Your Favorite F**K

Urolagnetics On Scientology

Junípero Serra On house breaking dogs (Catholic style)

MERGE On Chomsky’s theory

People Who Behave As Stupid As They Look Uh-huh

Who Punked the Cardinal? On Vatican Fashion

Opus Dei creavit monitor lacertae Charlie Hebdo & satire

Alfreda Bikowski & the Definition of Stupid Only at the CIA

Obama’s Speech at Queensland Parody

Liberals On multiculturalism

Obama’s Speech to Skull & Bones A parody of his UN address

Teleprompter Forget it, you don’t want to go there

Thuck Norris Rated ‘S’ for SICK (parental advisory)

Democracy Now! State secrets & the war in Liberacestan

Michele Bachmann & Wild Indians Kerouac in drag

Dick Cheney’s Rottweiler Dog butt-sniffing rituals

Maison de l’Histoire de France Fellatio, Sarkozy & French history

The Great Phuc Uuus Massacre Propaganda trained CIA lizards

Bozo’s Handcock U Speech George Bush & Tony Blair in love

My Life as a Joke Personal Ad (women only please)

The Pachuco Stare Decisis SCOTUS = SCROTUM

The Moron Bernard-Henry Lévy He truly is a moron

How Jesus Gets Kicked Out Of Heaven Naughty George Carlin

NOT My Last Tango in Paris The NSA & cyanide suppositories

Demons Anonymous Addiction to destructive fantasies

Saint Chester Prince of the Church & patron saint of boys

A Conversation With Jon Stewart Barack Obama is a White man!

Scooby Doo is Lyndon LaDouche ‘Rut a retard’

Saki & Barf: killer women of the State Department Just rude

Salinas vs Texas U.S. Supreme Court self inflicted lawyer joke

Life’s Little Surprises A devil teaches law

Happy the Indian Guide On stereotypes

Napi in the New Age A ‘red apple’ Indian story

Mother’s Day and Male Dopes Moms & cannabis

Breakfast at a Pizzaria The German ‘I hate my life’ philosophy

Our Gang rascals too big for their breeches

World Cup Scribbles Rabies & dog muzzles

English Football International competition

Sardonism Adults Playing Cowboys and Indians

The Gospel According to Ronald On the historical Jesus

The Islamic State for Dummies The K.I.S.S. principle

NATO’s Three Chihuahuas Small dog syndrome

Essay On Native American Humor ‘Napi Eats His Butt’ (Best satire)

Perverts of Western Philosophy Locke to de Sade (and more)

A Cheesey Detective Story (Series)

Episode 1

Episode 2

Guest Appearances:

Raghead Political satire by Bill Purkayastha

Admiral John Kirby Comedy straight out of the Pentagon

About Clowns DJ Rankin

*

f3

^ dedicated to politics

Jon Stewart: Tonight’s guest is Ronald Thomas West, a veteran of years hunted by intelligence agencies in Germany and Spain, including Joint Special Operations Command, CIA & MOSSAD. Remarkably, during this ordeal, Ronald authored two books of social satire, Napi Mephisto and Queer Chicken Dinner, mocking his pursuers as incompetent and survived. AND most amazing, he managed to blow huge holes in these agencies by playing them into the hands of European law enforcement tracking assassinations. [raised eyebrows, eyes big as saucers]

Ronald West: Jon, tell me why it is, when a man is ½ Black, he is always Black?

Stewart: Uh.. [comic puzzled look] I don’t know!

West: Now Jon, that is a good answer and this is going to be as good as anything Colbert had ever done for you, so bear with me .. Now, if a man being ½ Black makes him Black, what would a man who is ½ White be?

Stewart: White? [comic cringe]

West: Very good, Jon, now if Obama had been ditched by an intelligence officer/single White mother who couldn’t handle raising a kid and handed him off to his White grandparents to complete his upbringing, that kind of tilts things in a certain direction, wouldn’t you think?

Stewart: Uh.. [comic panic look as he moves his head as though looking for an exit]

West: Jon, repeat after me, I know you can do this .. say ‘Barack Obama is a White Man’

Stewart: “Barack Obama is a White Man” [head on desk]

West: VERY GOOD Jon, now you won’t wish to hazard a guess over the answer to this next, but tell me why you will think Bill Clinton is actually the only Black president?

Stewart: I have no idea [with face in hands]

West: It’s because he married a ‘BIGBUTT-Mama’

Stewart: [speechless]

West: Now, Jon, with the race issue resolved, if the choice between Romney and Obama had been a choice between evils, and Obama is maybe two hairs less evil than Romney, why the democratic charade in a nation that consistently votes for evil? Why not just write in ‘Satan’ and be done with it?

Stewart: Suddenly I understand why the CIA spent years trying to kill you

*

“There’s an old saying,”In the days of slavery, there were those slaves who lived on the plantation and there were those slaves that lived in the house. You got the privilege of living in the house if you served the master … exactly the way the master intended to have you serve him.

“It is my personal feeling that plantations exist all over America. If you walk into South Central Los Angeles, into Watts, or you walk into Over-the-Rhine in Cincinnati, you’ll find people who live lives that are as degrading as anything that slavery had ever produced. They live in economic oppression, they live in a disenfranchised way. In the hearts and minds of those people, and millions of others, you’re always looking for hope, and whenever somebody within our tribe, within our group, emerges that has the position of authority and power to make a difference in the way business is done, our expectations run high. Many times, those expectations are not fulfilled. But when such an individual is in the service of those who not only perpetuate the oppression, but sometimes design the way in which it is applied, it then becomes very, very, very, very critical that we raise our voices and be heard”

-Harry Belafonte

*

VE18

*

The Satires

This creative endeavor [self-satire] is the aftermath of unknowingly falling head over heels for an undercover agent who grew up idolizing Nancy Drew who, of course, never blew a case. Dedicated to Melinda Sue, who has serious questions to answer but not the courage to account for what she’d done; she would have simply let me be murdered when in possession of knowledge of what I’d encountered and could have tipped me off to the larger danger but did not… 

My Life as a Joke Personal Ad

Every now and again I look at myself and get in a good laugh at the ongoing circumstance of absurdity my career choice had brought, having broken another assassin ambush today (casual dress Caucasian male trackers [route], tall suited male Asian (Ray-Bans don’t hide cheekbones) GPS sent my location [Rambla] for a White female assassin with white frock and carrot hair, clearly an American team, aborted the game about 14:35)

Assassin ‘carrot top’ is a receded chin 2.5 brains and beauty on ‘the James Bond one to ten scale of babes’, apparently the better looking women want nothing to do with an ugly business, or there are ‘professional strokes’ for women like ‘carrot top’ who likely doesn’t have the character, and certainly not the ethics, to attract a decent man and lifestyle despite her looks, par for the CIA. My 2008 [Germany] encounter with CIA 1.5 ‘Bond Scale’ non-babe-non-brains agent Sabrina De Souza set the standard, 5 foot 2 inch, one hundred fifty pound browned-bacon-fat-ball Sabrina was the team scout that SMIRKED (how STUPID was that?) at me in Wiesbaden on one of the failed assassination attempts there, registering her face into my memory, then Sabrina bailed out of Europe because of an Italian arrest warrant (might be one in Germany for you too, Sabrina 🙂

Now Sabrina has sued the USA for diplomatic immunity to cover her crimes as a member of a Chevron/CIA/Condoleezza (CCC, also known as Campus Crusade for Christ) extraordinary renditions team working Italy, which consequently got her photo in the New York Times where I recognized her, I’m laughing my ass off at that…

Oh, and I seem to have started a closet-gay cat-fight between the incompetent National Intelligence Director ‘Sylvester of Tweety-Pie fame‘ Blair who is demanding to take the top-spy station chief job assignments away from CIA ‘electro-shocked halloween cat‘ Director Pannetta who has been whining to Rahm Emmanual at the White House about being picked on… and swearing the CIA can do a better job…

WANTED

Comic_Babe

Hot babe (actually just somewhat attractive would be fine, but no serious weight issues and has taken care of herself) age range 20 to 50 years with a healthy sex appetite and IS NOT MEAN (mean people suck, and mean people make little mean people) disgruntled intelligence agent MAYBE ok (if defected to the rule of law)

Prefer a woman generally without morals but must possess a healthy sense of ETHICS

Mostly does not lie to herself (that is a tricky one, anyone who thinks they do not lie to themselves at all, should stop right here)

Does NOT care about money (or the fact I have none, other than a veterans pension I could lose just as soon as my political enemies in the corporate owned USA government can sort out a means to ‘legally’ take it away… and I don’t give a damn about your money, whether you have any or not so long as you don’t BOTHER me about it. I need little money, I only require to be happy, that is fed, warm, dry, body worked, laptop working (but not too much work) and loved up often by my loves-long-walks, drug and alcohol free, fun and European outdoor cafe loving best friend that answers this ad

Must be willing to mostly give up making casual acquaintances (with Americans particularly), and give up night-life altogether, take agent/assassin survival training from, and not be afraid to die for keeping company with the author of this ad (people are hit by meteors everyday, so, a silenced bullet, poisoned (especially by poison pellet or injection), run over by a car deliberately, what’s the difference? Who cares?? As though anyone gets out of this ‘thing’ called life alive, not. But avoiding Americans particularly, and giving up all nightlife for the past couple years, has definitely contributed to extending my time ;o)

What do you get? A project:

Exiled

Taking care of (includes knowing or willing to learn pain management body work, and whatever else that goes with ‘taking care of’) “One of the kindest and most decent people you would ever meet” of “great humor and little fear” with a gentle and fun way of loving ..

!

includes 17 x 4.25 centimeters, with a libertarian curve to the left, often!

!

.. gifted writer/former soldier with blown discs, compressed vertebra, rhematoid arthritus, nerve damage, destroyed fine motor skills, slightly impaired balance, neurological degenerative disease that mimics multiple sclerosis, wrecked rotor cuffs, diabetes, few intact ligaments, inoperable hernia, who hates the company of most adults (particularly men) .. an incorrigible social critic/satirist, world class investigator, anti-war/anti-corporate, anti-new age, stress exhausted physical basket case that is a genius with kids, and whose dedicated enemies include, but are not limited to, religious extremists of nearly every persuasion, Obama’s current National Security Council, Robert Gates, the Secretary of the Air Force, the Joint Chiefs of Staff and their friends Dick Cheney,  Condoleezza Rice, both George Bush, the CIA, Chevron corporation, and has been excluded from Executive Order #12333 banning assassinations

Anyone who might actually take this seriously should buy LOTS of self help books (if you cannot afford psychiatry) or in the alternative, contact:

penucquemspeaks@googlemail.com

Interviews on location in Berlin*

*Disclaimers: Requires providing a copy of e-ticket, arriving by air and I’ll meet you at the airport gate (security provision) Advertisement expires with survival and fame achieved; requires investment in the risks, to share in the rewards. Kids! Don’t try this at home!! Offer void where prohibited by law;) 

Based on authentic facts. Originally composed in Spain [2009]

Update: this personal ad is now CLOSED.

*

The Satires

 

 

%d bloggers like this: