Archives for posts with tag: Joe Biden

In the alternative universe 2016 primary season, Bernie Sanders wins the Democratic nomination while Ted Cruz is in court fighting for the right to be on the fall ballot.

At the Supreme Court of the United States, an emergency hearing is underway on Ted Cruz’ eligibility to contest to become President of the United States. The issue before the court is whether Cruz, born in Canada to a Cuban father and American mother, is a ‘natural born’ American. Follows is the court recorder’s transcript of the ‘oral’ arguments:

In The Supreme Court of the United States

In the cause of

The Donald, Plaintiff

vs

Ted Cruz, Defendant

(sy)Phyllis Schafly & Ann Coulter; counsel of record for the Plaintiff

John Yoo; counsel of record for the Defendant

Mr Chief Justice Roberts: Counsel for the Plaintiff may proceed…

(sy)Phyllis Schafly: Distinguished Justices, it is my distinct honor to address this august body in the matter of The Donald versus Teddy. Can any of the ‘boyz’ give “Natural Born” American citizenship to their kids? Mr Justice Scalia, you say you must interpret the law strictly as it reads, literally as you see it in front you, it has taken on a life of it’s own regardless of our founders [legislative] intent. Soooo… counsel for the defense will insist we have to stick to “Natural” born because that is what the Constitution says… we cede this means you must have an American mother! But there’s another way of looking at this, a greater requirement. How can a mere American mother be truly the whole definition of natural? Were pain relievers employed? Were delivery forceps used? These preceding should disqualify a birth as natural. Was there a midwife present for delivery? A conservative view of natural birth could go so far as to demand: did the mother eat her placenta? If not, how is the defendant’s birth in any sense ‘natural’ ?  We hold our constitution’s language insists any natural birth, must be Le Boyer method with a midwife present, at minimum, otherwise no birth, any birth, can be construed to be natural.

Mr Chief Justice Roberts: Counsel for the Defendant?

John Yoo: My friends on the other side are making a specious argument. By their logic, except a midwife were to be present, most citizens could not be elected president if born of an American mother via modern process. Any such demand of the law is archaic. Now, what are we to do with a general and widespread absence of midwives? Practice necromancy? Henry VIII had Thomas a’Becket’s bones disinterred and put him on trial, so, other than 14 years residence requirement, there is precedent to bring Benedict Arnold’s bones home from England and following 14 years, we could elect a dead treasonous president. Or dig up Andy Jackson… if only because in earlier times it was common to deliver with a midwife. What living person would be eligible today?

Mr Justice Kennedy: Rebuttal?

(sy)Phyllis Schafly: Andy put his middle finger right where the sun never shines… in this Supreme Court’s predecessor and our constitution’s anus when he said “John Marshall has said what the law is, now let him enforce it”

Mr Justice Scalia: Mr Yoo?

John Yoo: Precedent holds ’I-da-ho’ born (pardon the Black English) Sarah ‘it sucks to be me’ Palin’s fellow Bible fascist, John McCain, was born in Panama of U.S. parents and McCain is a constitutionally legitimate “Natural Born American.” And surely this is because the United States Senate said so … speaking of any legitimate “Natural” birth… and Mr Justice Scalia, you state you must read the constitution literally… because it’s all about original intent… that is, “natural birth” could be our supreme law’s demand but in the annals of stare decisis established by this court it’s not necessarily our right!

Ms Justice Ginsberg: Mr Yoo, when referencing the ‘senate’, are you inferring ‘Caesarean’ birth is not eligible? Under any circumstance? Are we still a republic of laws or a case of Brutus’ gratitude shown to his patrimony? Please, I don’t require answer!

Ms Justice Ginsberg sits back and steadily staring at Yoo, primly pushes her spectacles up the bridge of her nose with a middle finger

Mr Justice Scalia: Ms Coulter?

Ann Coulter: Mr Justice Scalia, you learned from the Marshall court… tit for tat… you stopped the recount in Florida and elected George Bush… and put your middle finger up all of America and the world’s ass… speaking of where the sun never shines… the place where George was born to peer out from… we so love our ‘living constitution’ for that!

Coulter and Schafly, pitched their argument to the liberal justices, hoping for Mr Justice Kennedy’s ‘swing’ vote, but Coulter realizing her side could be losing, hikes up her already too short skirt, sits down and spreads her legs in full view of the several justices. Mr Justice Thomas inadvertently blurts out “Long Dong Silver!” as ‘Oral’ argument chaos ensues with counsels’ reptilian reflex soon turning the subject to democrats

John Yoo: Object!

Mr Chief Justice Roberts: Mr Yoo?

John Yoo: If Ms Coulter’s skirt were any shorter, we’d be arguing the color of her panties!

Ms Justice Sotomayor: I assure counsel for the defendant Ms Coulter is NOT wearing panties. The view from the bench is clear… Mr Yoo, in absence of the stated object, your objection cannot be contextualized in present justiciable controversy [smiles]

Mr Chief Justice Roberts: Objection over-ruled. Ms Schafly?

Mr Chief Justice Roberts is now staring at Coulter constantly, as is Ms Justice Sotomayor, not only Mr Justice Thomas

(sy)Phyllis Schafly: There could be a problem with ‘unnatural’ birth in the senate membership per se. Example given, those several Senate lawyers sucking off corporate PAC cocks, the worst sort of unnatural, closet morality you can imagine, speaking of the unnatural cocksuckers who give birth to our patently unconstitutional laws… nothing natural at all going on there. As well, a case of unnatural rebirth would be Al Franken giving up comedy to suck off corporate PACs… should have been a miscarriage somewhere there. Abort? I suggest respectfully the several honorable justices affirming Citizens United would have approved ‘termination’ in Senator Franken’s case. What candidate from the senate, any candidate from the senate, can claim natural birth?

Mr Justice Alito: Heil Fulgencio Batista! Excuse me, I meant, Mr Yoo will again proceed?

Mr Justice Alito is also constantly staring at Coulter

John Yoo: Joe ‘Homo Erect’us’ Biden… with his dentu-crème smile, is in line to replace the “Natural” born Obama… we should appreciate Joe’s sobriquet “Homo Erect’us” because Joe is from Senator Larry ‘closet latrine homo’ Craig’s “chamber”, so what is the possible problem with that? Larry Craig was never ineligible for reason of his natural perversions, considering science has demonstrated bonobos masturbate using holes, any holes, assholes, holes in trees, the oral orifice… as Hillary’s possible running mate, why risk another eight years of the wholly natural PAC-sucker ‘Homo ‘Erect’us’ Joe presiding over the senate?

Yoo is desperately thinking but fears his inexperience if he were to bring cunnilingus into the argument

Ms Justice Kagan: Ms Schafly?

Ms Justice Kagan, now breathing heavily, has also been staring all the time at Coulter

(sy)Phyllis Schafly: Joe ‘Homo ‘Erect’us’ Biden is just another ‘unnatural’ venal corporate cocksucker, he has taken piles of PAC money… never mind he secretly wants Israel to blow up Iran who will in turn blow up Berlin, Brussels, London and Paris, not merely Tel Aviv. Not to mention Iran blowing up our CIA liaised special forces in Baluchistan, Iraq, Syria and Afghanistan, soldiers who only wish our Congressional military/industrial corporate PAC cocksuckers did not keep them in perpetual deployments to war on behalf of Exxon/Mobil and Chevron… and wish the unnatural Congressional cocksuckers would just shut down the money paying for those wars [that would be constitutional] and maybe we could use some of the money saved to get breadwinners working in homeless families rebuilding our infrastructure… get them off the street… but Congress is too preoccupied with unnatural sucking bank and military/industrial PAC cocks to do that… Joe needs the ‘erect’ taken out of  his ‘homo’ to become wholly sapien but behavior modifications fail with rapists and pedophiles and likely unnatural primitive-warmonger-venal-corporate-PAC-cocksuckers as well, we all NEVER want ‘Dentu-Crème smiles Joe’ to be elevated to president…

Mr Justice Breyer: Mr Yoo?

Mr Justice Breyer has been studiously avoiding looking at Coulter

John Yoo: My client is born again! “Born again” is natural birth!! What could be more natural than possessed by the Holy Spirit? Aaaar-papa-papa-hula. Ooooo-vagino. Oreo-lolo-andy-olliegarcho-golly-boris-alloweeeenie!

Ann Coulter: I object to any such “tortured” argument! Fuck Yoo!! Stop speaking in tongues!!! Keep religion out of it!!!!

Mr Chief Justice Roberts: Can anyone here translate tongues? No? Objection sustained.

As the story of Bernie Sanders nomination by the Democratic convention breaks on the newswires, Mr Chief Justice Roberts opens an envelope delivered by his clerk

Mr Chief Justice Roberts: I’ve just been passed a note from Joint Chiefs of Staff Chairman General Dumbford. The general has declared himself Chief Executive Officer of these Christian Dominion States of America for life. All federal elections are suspended in perpetuity. Per General Dumbford’s orders, I hereby suspend the constitution on account of ongoing threat of terror and appoint all of this institution’s colleagues on my right to the FISA Court and further rule this body dissolved until General Dumbford’s new personnel are in place. The Donald versus Cruz is moot! [gavel bangs]

Mr Justice Kennedy’s ‘tent pole’ collapses beneath his judicial robe, Mr Chief Justice Roberts, together with Mr Justices Alito, Scalia and Thomas, jump up to perform high fives, totally oblivious to robes revealing their ‘artillery’ is deployed horizontally

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homer-simpson-mooning

Brought to you by the free speech clown

The Satires

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Related:

Essay On Native American Humor

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A former Special Forces Sergeant of Operations and Intelligence, Ronald Thomas West is a retired paralegal/investigator (living in exile) whose work focus had been anti-corruption and human rights. Ronald is published in International Law as a layman (The Mueller-Wilson Report, co-authored with Dr Mark D Cole) and has been adjunct professor of American Constitutional Law at Johannes Gutenberg University, Mainz, Germany (for English credit, summer semester 2008.) Ronald’s formal educational background is primarily social psychology. His therapeutic device is satire –

AngelaMerkelPig_3

Have you seen the little piggies
Crawling in the dirt?
And for all the little piggies
Life is getting worse
Always having dirt to play around in

Have you seen the bigger piggies
In their starched white shirts?
You will find the bigger piggies
Stirring up the dirt
Always have clean shirts to play around in

In their styes with all their backing
They don’t care what goes on around
In their eyes there’s something lacking
What they need’s a damn good whacking

Everywhere there’s lots of piggies
Living piggy lives
You can see them out for dinner
With their piggy wives
Clutching forks and knives to eat their bacon

-George Harrison

 Merkel, Piggies & the 2nd Minsk Peace Accord

Noting the Germans claim they have no obligation whatsoever to make right having bled Greece dry during WW II … and noting the Germans are insisting on bleeding Greece dry in the present with inflexible demands of ‘privitization’ and ‘austerity’, it’s not difficult to see Angela Merkel, Wolfgang Schäuble, Thomas de Maizière & friends haven’t shed Germany’s Nazi spots; particularly when considering Ukraine.

Firstly, Germany has been hand in glove with the USA in ‘civil society’ projects (read subverting to western interests) in Ukraine, exhibit one:

Adenaeur_Ukraine

Konrad Adenauer Foundation, Ukraine (screenshot)

In fact it was the Merkel Christian Democratic Union (CDU) aligned Konrad Adenauer Foundation had liaised with Ukraine’s Nazi Svoboda party and in fact groomed Svoboda party members at Adenauer foundation ‘democracy’ projects:

“the Ukrainian right wing has also received instruction [in Germany] financed by German taxpayers. Party members appeared at events hosted by the Konrad Adenauer Stiftung, the German political foundation affiliated with Chancellor Angela Merkel’s conservatives. Examples include the conference entitled “Lessons from the 2012 Parliamentary Elections,” the seminar series called “The Higher School of Politics” and a discussion on the 2012 elections”

This, despite the German government’s official position of condemning the German Nazi party, the NPD, a party the Ukrainian Svoboda party has a known relationship with. So, what’s wrong with this picture? Adopting a position ‘actions speak louder than words’, we can look at a short history of Merkel’s ‘peace efforts’ relating to Ukraine.

The thumbnail sketch is, each time Germany has backed a proposal for peace in Ukraine, Merkel has rolled over when the USA spurred Kiev to sabotage it. Very early on, John Kerry had ‘lip serviced’ (sort of like a blow-job) an European peace proposal and Kiev had stopped shooting but that was because they were too stupid to understand the game yet and they quickly reversed themselves when an American visited and explained what geopolitical theater is all about. A case of ‘this is to make Russia look bad when it fails, so whatever you do, don’t stop provocations that draw separatist ire.’ Whether it was Joe Biden or John Brennan or some other American political prostitute, most recently John Kerry in Kiev as Merkel visited Putin in Moscow together with Hollande, the American message delivered to the Nazis in Kiev has been consistently proven to be one of ‘keep the provocations up and we’ll have your back.’

Here is how it plays with Merkel. She gets on board with with every European peace endeavor but then takes advantage of its intended failure. After endorsing a Russian-French transition plan for Ukraine that was immediately foiled with the American backed putsch, Angela Merkel promptly fell into line with the Americans and the result was ultimately responsible for Crimea reunifying with Russia. Did Merkel demonize the Americans for this backstabbing? No. She demonized Putin. Following this, when Poroshenko did not deliver on the autonomy for the east of Ukraine promised at Minsk I, rather instead declaring the autonomy provision invalid, insuring the rebellion would continue, did Merkel pressure Poroshenko? No. She upped the pressure on Putin instead, while toeing the American propaganda line. As well, Merkel has been leader of the European Union sanctions intended to punish Russia with damage to its economy.

Now, Merkel had exited a meeting at the White House, prior to traveling to Moscow and then to Minsk II, with a telling message; ‘friends can have differences of opinion’ or that is to say Germany is not going to put up a fuss over the Americans delivering lethal weapons to Ukraine and John Kerry immediately heads out to Kiev as Merkel heads to Moscow.

Here’s what’s up; Each ceasefire has saved Kiev’s butt from a determined rebel force that is by far better motivated and seen superior tactical success. Each ceasefire has seen the beaten Ukrainian army rearm, resupply and regroup for a new offensive. Each ceasefire has seen consistent shelling of civilian areas held by the rebels, a deliberate provocation, drawing reactions from rebel forces determined to knock out or push back Kiev’s offenders. Each ceasefire has seen a consequent propaganda blitz by the western democracies accusing Russia and the rebels of sabotaging any progress towards peace. All of this treachery by Kiev has clearly been encouraged behind the scene by the USA, in an ongoing, undeclared, proxy war imposed on Russia. Angela Merkel not only goes along with this, she is complicit. Germany has, all along, baited Putin along with the Americans. And this man knows the story very well:

gerhard.schindlerg

^ BND’s Gerhard Schindler (sleeps with the Americans)

Gerhard Schindler, Germany’s top spymaster, who answers directly to Angela Merkel, presented what has to be called a falsified report, on the downing of MH 17 in secret session with the German parliament, presenting evidence that has never been made public (certainly because it would not stand up to expert scrutiny.) Here is the better MH 17 assessment. Previous to this, Schindler presented what was almost certainly a false report on the Assad regime’s use of sarin gas in Damascus, claiming the rebels did not possess the technical ability to deliver the chemical weapon but that had already been disputed by UN investigator Carla Del Ponte in an earlier case. The BND led by Schindler has a long litany of criminals and crimes for legacy, not least complicity in, and covering up, Operation Gladio. The BND was created by the CIA, staffed with ex-Gestapo and other former Nazis, put under the charge of Hitler’s expert Soviet spymaster, war criminal Reinhard Gehlen, and then handed over to Konrad Adenauer as West Germany’s foreign intelligence service. This is a nasty, Nazi legacy infected, organization. And so is the Adenauer Foundation and it’s parent Christian Democratic Union. These are Merkel’s clandestine bayonets operating in Ukraine.

Here’s my prediction for Minsk II .. more of the same, Poroshenko’s Nazis will have taken John Kerry’s off the record advice to heart, the new ceasefire and peace agreement will be sabotaged with full German complicity, even as Merkel makes a show of geopolitical ‘restraint’ for domestic political consumption, again buying time to rearm and train Kiev’s forces. Meanwhile there will be ongoing provocations by Kiev to undermine the process in its entirety. Germany will fall into line with the USA, pointing the finger at the Russians as the responsible party and sooner or later, the entire business will again be a hot and more intensified conflict. This has been the working model, in consecutive iterations, why would anyone expect to see anything change?

Ukraine for Dummies

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A Sociopaths & Democracy Project

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