Archives for posts with tag: John Yoo

In the alternative universe 2016 primary season, Bernie Sanders wins the Democratic nomination while Ted Cruz is in court fighting for the right to be on the fall ballot.

At the Supreme Court of the United States, an emergency hearing is underway on Ted Cruz’ eligibility to contest to become President of the United States. The issue before the court is whether Cruz, born in Canada to a Cuban father and American mother, is a ‘natural born’ American. Follows is the court recorder’s transcript of the ‘oral’ arguments:

In The Supreme Court of the United States

In the cause of

The Donald, Plaintiff

vs

Ted Cruz, Defendant

(sy)Phyllis Schafly & Ann Coulter; counsel of record for the Plaintiff

John Yoo; counsel of record for the Defendant

Mr Chief Justice Roberts: Counsel for the Plaintiff may proceed…

(sy)Phyllis Schafly: Distinguished Justices, it is my distinct honor to address this august body in the matter of The Donald versus Teddy. Can any of the ‘boyz’ give “Natural Born” American citizenship to their kids? Mr Justice Scalia, you say you must interpret the law strictly as it reads, literally as you see it in front you, it has taken on a life of it’s own regardless of our founders [legislative] intent. Soooo… counsel for the defense will insist we have to stick to “Natural” born because that is what the Constitution says… we cede this means you must have an American mother! But there’s another way of looking at this, a greater requirement. How can a mere American mother be truly the whole definition of natural? Were pain relievers employed? Were delivery forceps used? These preceding should disqualify a birth as natural. Was there a midwife present for delivery? A conservative view of natural birth could go so far as to demand: did the mother eat her placenta? If not, how is the defendant’s birth in any sense ‘natural’ ?  We hold our constitution’s language insists any natural birth, must be Le Boyer method with a midwife present, at minimum, otherwise no birth, any birth, can be construed to be natural.

Mr Chief Justice Roberts: Counsel for the Defendant?

John Yoo: My friends on the other side are making a specious argument. By their logic, except a midwife were to be present, most citizens could not be elected president if born of an American mother via modern process. Any such demand of the law is archaic. Now, what are we to do with a general and widespread absence of midwives? Practice necromancy? Henry VIII had Thomas a’Becket’s bones disinterred and put him on trial, so, other than 14 years residence requirement, there is precedent to bring Benedict Arnold’s bones home from England and following 14 years, we could elect a dead treasonous president. Or dig up Andy Jackson… if only because in earlier times it was common to deliver with a midwife. What living person would be eligible today?

Mr Justice Kennedy: Rebuttal?

(sy)Phyllis Schafly: Andy put his middle finger right where the sun never shines… in this Supreme Court’s predecessor and our constitution’s anus when he said “John Marshall has said what the law is, now let him enforce it”

Mr Justice Scalia: Mr Yoo?

John Yoo: Precedent holds ’I-da-ho’ born (pardon the Black English) Sarah ‘it sucks to be me’ Palin’s fellow Bible fascist, John McCain, was born in Panama of U.S. parents and McCain is a constitutionally legitimate “Natural Born American.” And surely this is because the United States Senate said so … speaking of any legitimate “Natural” birth… and Mr Justice Scalia, you state you must read the constitution literally… because it’s all about original intent… that is, “natural birth” could be our supreme law’s demand but in the annals of stare decisis established by this court it’s not necessarily our right!

Ms Justice Ginsberg: Mr Yoo, when referencing the ‘senate’, are you inferring ‘Caesarean’ birth is not eligible? Under any circumstance? Are we still a republic of laws or a case of Brutus’ gratitude shown to his patrimony? Please, I don’t require answer!

Ms Justice Ginsberg sits back and steadily staring at Yoo, primly pushes her spectacles up the bridge of her nose with a middle finger

Mr Justice Scalia: Ms Coulter?

Ann Coulter: Mr Justice Scalia, you learned from the Marshall court… tit for tat… you stopped the recount in Florida and elected George Bush… and put your middle finger up all of America and the world’s ass… speaking of where the sun never shines… the place where George was born to peer out from… we so love our ‘living constitution’ for that!

Coulter and Schafly, pitched their argument to the liberal justices, hoping for Mr Justice Kennedy’s ‘swing’ vote, but Coulter realizing her side could be losing, hikes up her already too short skirt, sits down and spreads her legs in full view of the several justices. Mr Justice Thomas inadvertently blurts out “Long Dong Silver!” as ‘Oral’ argument chaos ensues with counsels’ reptilian reflex soon turning the subject to democrats

John Yoo: Object!

Mr Chief Justice Roberts: Mr Yoo?

John Yoo: If Ms Coulter’s skirt were any shorter, we’d be arguing the color of her panties!

Ms Justice Sotomayor: I assure counsel for the defendant Ms Coulter is NOT wearing panties. The view from the bench is clear… Mr Yoo, in absence of the stated object, your objection cannot be contextualized in present justiciable controversy [smiles]

Mr Chief Justice Roberts: Objection over-ruled. Ms Schafly?

Mr Chief Justice Roberts is now staring at Coulter constantly, as is Ms Justice Sotomayor, not only Mr Justice Thomas

(sy)Phyllis Schafly: There could be a problem with ‘unnatural’ birth in the senate membership per se. Example given, those several Senate lawyers sucking off corporate PAC cocks, the worst sort of unnatural, closet morality you can imagine, speaking of the unnatural cocksuckers who give birth to our patently unconstitutional laws… nothing natural at all going on there. As well, a case of unnatural rebirth would be Al Franken giving up comedy to suck off corporate PACs… should have been a miscarriage somewhere there. Abort? I suggest respectfully the several honorable justices affirming Citizens United would have approved ‘termination’ in Senator Franken’s case. What candidate from the senate, any candidate from the senate, can claim natural birth?

Mr Justice Alito: Heil Fulgencio Batista! Excuse me, I meant, Mr Yoo will again proceed?

Mr Justice Alito is also constantly staring at Coulter

John Yoo: Joe ‘Homo Erect’us’ Biden… with his dentu-crème smile, is in line to replace the “Natural” born Obama… we should appreciate Joe’s sobriquet “Homo Erect’us” because Joe is from Senator Larry ‘closet latrine homo’ Craig’s “chamber”, so what is the possible problem with that? Larry Craig was never ineligible for reason of his natural perversions, considering science has demonstrated bonobos masturbate using holes, any holes, assholes, holes in trees, the oral orifice… as Hillary’s possible running mate, why risk another eight years of the wholly natural PAC-sucker ‘Homo ‘Erect’us’ Joe presiding over the senate?

Yoo is desperately thinking but fears his inexperience if he were to bring cunnilingus into the argument

Ms Justice Kagan: Ms Schafly?

Ms Justice Kagan, now breathing heavily, has also been staring all the time at Coulter

(sy)Phyllis Schafly: Joe ‘Homo ‘Erect’us’ Biden is just another ‘unnatural’ venal corporate cocksucker, he has taken piles of PAC money… never mind he secretly wants Israel to blow up Iran who will in turn blow up Berlin, Brussels, London and Paris, not merely Tel Aviv. Not to mention Iran blowing up our CIA liaised special forces in Baluchistan, Iraq, Syria and Afghanistan, soldiers who only wish our Congressional military/industrial corporate PAC cocksuckers did not keep them in perpetual deployments to war on behalf of Exxon/Mobil and Chevron… and wish the unnatural Congressional cocksuckers would just shut down the money paying for those wars [that would be constitutional] and maybe we could use some of the money saved to get breadwinners working in homeless families rebuilding our infrastructure… get them off the street… but Congress is too preoccupied with unnatural sucking bank and military/industrial PAC cocks to do that… Joe needs the ‘erect’ taken out of  his ‘homo’ to become wholly sapien but behavior modifications fail with rapists and pedophiles and likely unnatural primitive-warmonger-venal-corporate-PAC-cocksuckers as well, we all NEVER want ‘Dentu-Crème smiles Joe’ to be elevated to president…

Mr Justice Breyer: Mr Yoo?

Mr Justice Breyer has been studiously avoiding looking at Coulter

John Yoo: My client is born again! “Born again” is natural birth!! What could be more natural than possessed by the Holy Spirit? Aaaar-papa-papa-hula. Ooooo-vagino. Oreo-lolo-andy-olliegarcho-golly-boris-alloweeeenie!

Ann Coulter: I object to any such “tortured” argument! Fuck Yoo!! Stop speaking in tongues!!! Keep religion out of it!!!!

Mr Chief Justice Roberts: Can anyone here translate tongues? No? Objection sustained.

As the story of Bernie Sanders nomination by the Democratic convention breaks on the newswires, Mr Chief Justice Roberts opens an envelope delivered by his clerk

Mr Chief Justice Roberts: I’ve just been passed a note from Joint Chiefs of Staff Chairman General Dumbford. The general has declared himself Chief Executive Officer of these Christian Dominion States of America for life. All federal elections are suspended in perpetuity. Per General Dumbford’s orders, I hereby suspend the constitution on account of ongoing threat of terror and appoint all of this institution’s colleagues on my right to the FISA Court and further rule this body dissolved until General Dumbford’s new personnel are in place. The Donald versus Cruz is moot! [gavel bangs]

Mr Justice Kennedy’s ‘tent pole’ collapses beneath his judicial robe, Mr Chief Justice Roberts, together with Mr Justices Alito, Scalia and Thomas, jump up to perform high fives, totally oblivious to robes revealing their ‘artillery’ is deployed horizontally

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homer-simpson-mooning

Brought to you by the free speech clown

The Satires

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Related:

Essay On Native American Humor

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A former Special Forces Sergeant of Operations and Intelligence, Ronald Thomas West is a retired paralegal/investigator (living in exile) whose work focus had been anti-corruption and human rights. Ronald is published in International Law as a layman (The Mueller-Wilson Report, co-authored with Dr Mark D Cole) and has been adjunct professor of American Constitutional Law at Johannes Gutenberg University, Mainz, Germany (for English credit, summer semester 2008.) Ronald’s formal educational background is primarily social psychology. His therapeutic device is satire –

S1

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I sent this following letter (or variations of it) to numerous parties on 30 June 2013, including Senators, members of the German Parliament, former CIA and other career intelligence people, ambassadors, lawyers, academics, news organizations, law enforcement professionals, private parties and more. Maybe someone will pick it up-

Dear (name goes here)

I’d like to draw your attention to this story by Andrea Peacock from two years ago:

http://aliciapatterson.org/stories/treasure-rocky-mountain-front

No outsider knew Blackfoot traditional war chief Tinyman better than myself:

https://ronaldthomaswest.com/2013/06/30/reminiscing-life-in-blackfoot-country/

The Badger-Two Medicine (referenced in Andrea’s article) is the cause of how I ended up on the run for my life in exile. Bush torture lawyers John Yoo and Jay Bybee were writing legal briefs (1991, during the ‘papa’ Bush administration) for a criminal ring in the U.S. Forest Service that had counterfeited an Environmental Impact Statement for CHEVRON. I uncovered the criminal ring and that is what had caused an ultimate political deal where CHEVRON backed out of drilling. This occurred while working for Tinyman and his lawyer Mark Mueller (see attached letter.) When Condoleezzza Rice went from CHEVRON board director to Bush Jr’s National Security Advisor, I had a serious problem on my hands. Obama coming into office changed nothing.

I do not doubt at all the USA’s electronic spying has been employed by private security contractors with top security clearances (contractors at minimum, since Obama taking office) in tracking me for purpose of the attempted murders of myself. I’m very fortunate to have exceptional survival skill in this regard (former special operations forces intelligence.)

I’m basically asking anyone/everyone (it crosses my mind to ask) to share the story of my circumstance, if not with media, then simply by circulating it among acquaintances. You are free to share this mail

Kind regards

Ron West

 

MarkLetter copy
^click on letter to enlarge
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Related to this letter I’d sent, the CHEVRON corporation has been behind the push, or leader of the pack behind the attempted assassinations of myself, at least initially. My investigation into breaking laws associated with a proposed CHEVRON drilling project stopped (nearly single-handedly) a CHEVRON exploration into what is believed by some to be one of the most potentially rich hydro-carbon domes in the USA (which happens to be under pristine wild land sacred to the Blackfeet.) The subsequent dirty business of trying to take me out is in tandum with Bush-Cheney big oil personalities to the top. The George H.W. Bush White House was on board in 1989-1993 with counterfeiting the environmental laws process, and it became a Bush Jr/Cheney issue after the fact, particularly having to do with covering up the John Yoo/Jay Bybee torture lawyers earlier involvement associated with the Bush Sr administration’s corruption in this case.

Look at these CHEVRON personalities and their raw power: 

http://csis.org/event/launch-project-us-leadership-development

When CHEVRON employs former Bush National Security Advisor & Secretary of State Condoleezza Rice together with  former NATO Supreme Commander & Obama National Security Advisor General James Jones, using Congress for integrating CHEVRON policy to United States policy throughout the world, I expect there is little doubt CHEVRON has access to PRISM to carry out its objectives, inclusive of when those objectives incorporate murder.

These criminals’ reach is nearly unlimited. When I had escaped the USA alive and subsequently positively identified CIA associated persons directly tied to attempted assassination of myself, I became a ‘national security threat’ on account of the extent of possible exposure of corporate boards deep reach into the security services and associated abuses of USA power. This is why nothing changed under Obama. My feeling is, my story has become a threat to the entire status quo.

When the western democracies leadership preach (give lip service to) the rule of law, it includes everyone except themselves as pimps and whores (for corporate boards) that in actuality rule our lives using democracy as a front. 

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Dead_Clown

‘Free Speech Clown’ Series

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A background in study of American law and politics would be helpful to fully appreciate this satire. Dedicated to SCOTUS (Supreme Court Of The United States) which would be better called SCROTUM (of the corporate wealthy)

A Pachuco Named Stare Decisis

Supreme Court Chief Justice John Roberts, Chairman of the Federalist Society steering committee, was smarting from the victory for Stare Decisis and Obama in the ‘birther’ case of (sy)Phyllis Schafly v B.O. Now, at the steering committee’s next meeting, Robert’s proposed to eradicate Stare Decisis from the face of the earth. Steering committee member Dick Cheney outlined a plan. The strategy began with inviting Stare Decisis to address the society at the time of Decisis’ being awarded society membership for opening viewpoints strengthening diversity of opinion. 

Stare began his society speech with atypical humility, but this humbleness, of course, could not be sustained. Stare’s Mescal damaged frat brain, grounded in the Handcock U School of Law satire tradition, forcefully shoved down the throats of all affirmative action admissions, determined he would after-all, present in style, little suspecting any possible thing could be wrong… 

August members of the Federalist Society, I propose I’m least among many deserving of this award and, with this thought, I begin the evening’s presentation with a few short citations of those more deserving than myself. Please consider my following nominations for a new category of awards, the “I Knew It Was Wrong But Thought It Was Legal” Boner Awards.

My secular hero, Roger Cohen, a man I’d extolled in glory for his courageous stance as a Jew pointing to our Israel policy as a disaster, has ‘pulled a boner’ [exhibited extreme male cowardice] by jumping on Obama’s ‘don’t prosecute for torture’ bandwagon…

Roger needs a lesson in what the term “Rule of Law” is all about, and the idea constitutions make presidents, not vice versa, meaning our constitution informs Obama how things are going to be, and I will simply add to that, a Writ of Mandamus is a court ordering public officials [could possibly include a president as military commander-in-chief and most certainly any attorney general] to carry out their constitutional duties to enforce the rule of law and it is a huge embarrassment to American democracy when that particular legal weapon must be employed… second only to a consent decree… thought I’d note that before I consigned Roger to the booby hatch of legal ignominy with the distinct sound of a flush… bye-bye Roger… (Roger might crawl his way out of the sewer if he stays away from the ‘I knew it was wrong but thought it was legal’ sewage of Anglo-Saxon law, good lawyer joke, eh?  Law Ignoramus award…

FBI man Ali Soufan’s “Tortured Decision” editorial, in which he puts on his adopted country’s liberal-bleeding-White-heart sheepskin, admits keeping his mouth shut for seven years and only now speaks out because of the water-boarding torture memos release… Soufan reveals there is more as yet unclassified memos… think about it. This is the FBI concealing crime for seven years and STILL CONCEALING EVIDENCE OF CRIME… enough on this bit before I aspirate my puke… a sort of self-simulated drowning… Soufan earns torturer/traitor/coward awards combined…

Renown ‘civil liberties’ lawyer Harvey Silvergate argues against torture prosecutions, claiming they will make bad law, he appears to rationalize/justify “terror and pain” short of “disfigurement and death”, making the case that Bush did not go as far as the Nazis, so it doesn’t seem so bad… now, going to his legal ignorance on top of his criminal ethics… his idea that; because the torturers supposedly did not know what they were doing was illegal on account of the [fuck] ‘Yoo Principle’ legal memos, they cannot be charged under our Anglo-Saxon laws heritage requiring criminal intent… sorry Harvey but you get the law proverb “a man who represents himself [in his editorial] has a fool for an attorney” award…

Because Harvey ‘nincompoop’ Silvergate goes on to mention the case of the Nazi trials where Americans at Nuremburg convicted people for crimes that seemed perfectly legal in a criminal regime, going to the primal International Law principle “no nation may go against it’s own acts”, also known as, ‘what is good for the goose is good for the gander’… more to this point, we convicted Japanese of war crimes for waterboarding, perfectly fitting this International Law rule which now consequently holds our own people accountable despite the Anglo-Saxon ‘I knew it was wrong but thought it was legal’ principle of law which is now history, past, had been, was the case, in fact legally dead in cases like this, because of the precedent we set for ourselves in the prosecution of others… additionally, under ‘the Silvergate nincompoop rationale’, a certain Nazi camp guard following orders in his assigned duties likely could not have been recently deported to Germany to face criminal charge. Silvergate also earns a Nincompoop award…

Nancy Pelosi admits she knew the Bush administration was spying on (wiretapping) Rep Jane Harman and kept the treasonous secret (for the Bush people), from Harman, notice none of these people ever takes responsibility or shows courage? Pelosi: “I was not allowed to tell [Harman]“ .. so, what was to stop Pelosi telling the entire congress from her podium except cowardice? Pelosi awarded torturers trash the 4th amendment AND friendship ‘Judas’ special award…

Obama Treasury Secretary Timothy ‘get out of jail free’ Geithner meets with President of Switzerland Hans Merz in apparent negotiations to excuse the Swiss bank UBS from having to fork over the names of 52,000 wealthy American tax cheats with secret Swiss accounts… anybody up for a game of “Monopoly?” Timothy just drew what should be a “Go to Jail” card… as he is giving out “Get out of Jail free” cards. Can’t be torturing the wealthy tax cheats with prosecutions… Torturer administration’s Equal protection clause Traitor award…

Robert Gates’ fundamentalist Christian led military had been flaunting the legally binding security agreement Bush made with Iraq, conducting multiple illegal raids, killing and kidnapping Iraqi innocents… several operations had been busted by the Iraqi government, the USA admits a ‘mistake’, the abductees had to be set free… the USA’s ‘Campus Crusade for Christ’ had been intensively continued on the Iraqi front, not only escalated in Afghanistan, under Christian Dominion Central Command’s General ‘Tortures for Jesus’ Patreaus… who’d just as soon kill as torture. Federal death penalty eligible treason award…

Harper’s Magazine cover story “Jesus killed Mohammed” is out, detailing Robert ‘tonton macoutes’ Gates’ Christian military’s religion inspired hate crime against Islam, Jews, Blacks, Women, kids, cartoons and the author of this speech, but particularly noting constitutional law professor Obama, who swore on Abraham Lincoln’s Bible to uphold our constitution and enforce our laws, has abdicated taking on the constitutional crimes against separation of church and state in our military in his role as our commander-in-chief… meanwhile Obama is photographed in the International Herald Tribune together with Gates, evoking Tammy Wynette… “Stand by your man… give him two arms to cling to…” prior to allowng Gates to retire un-prosecuted. Loving Christians torture of Muslims for Jesus award…

Former Attorney General Robert Kennedy had written a legal memo recommending lifting the travel ban to Cuba, noting the travel ban was unconstitutional, he was correct, American’s have a right to freely associate and travel, he was over-ruled by our torturing CIA infested Department of State which kept his memo classified as a state secret for 46 years… State Department gets a corporate service tortured law and treason award [unit citation]

New York Times columnist Roger Cohen takes a stride out of the cesspool of Anglo-Saxon law and the ‘I knew it was wrong but thought it was legal’ no criminal intent defense, by continuing to write on other subjects, maybe soon he will have access to a shower and change of clothes… in his editorial ‘Of loos and language’ (in almost excellent ‘dry’ British humor, yuck) Roger points out the most notable difference between Bush and Obama to now is, it would appear Obama can actually speak English… Kudos Roger!! Of course Roger’s title for his editorial could easily be pointed to this speech, no problem, ‘we’ (you know, the British royal use of ‘we’, as in I admit I’m being a royal asshole) welcome ratings, my noting here Roger had pointed out he’d begun his journey out of the Anglo-Saxon ‘loo of law’ with a key title word in a previous editorial: ‘pirouette’…

A Spanish judge has opened the fourth investigation in Spain going to Bush administration torture… two of the investigations had been previously dismissed or shelved, either for lack of evidence or because of political pressures from the USA. The two investigations opened since Obama taking office are now ongoing, the weaker one previous to this most recent had been opposed by Obama and the USA who have pressured Spain, and this new investigation poses the largest threat yet to his administrations ongoing ‘I knew it was wrong but thought it was legal’ [fuck] ‘Yoo principle’ attempts to give the Bush people and his CIA criminals a get out of jail free card… the judge: “an authorized and systematic plan of torture and abuse of people stripped of liberty, without charges and denied the basic rights afforded detainees” and the court will “seek personal responsibility in the different structures of execution, direction and design and authorization for this systematic torture plan” which of course upon the judicial investigations completion I predict must include American leaders I will name in this presentation, not only Bush and cronies but notably Nancy Pelosi… Obama given a treasonous torturing coward’s campaign star for having opposed these efforts…

Russia is retiring 23,000 military officers in a force ‘modernization’ reorganization, a course of action I highly recommend to Commander-in-Chief Obama (Torquemada?) who should have already dumped the 19,000 USA armed forces officers belonging to the Byzantine Pentagon’s ‘Officer’s Christian Fellowship” that actually believe if you are not a fundamentalist Christian, every motivation you have, no matter how noble, is a subversion of humanity “spearheaded by Satan”- torturers holy inquisition resurrection award…

The cognitive dissonance of a case dismissed at our Justice Department’s prosecutors request… some lobbyists for Israel that probably really deserve to go to jail for treason (espionage) can’t be prosecuted because the judge refused to go along with some of the prosecutions demands for state secrecy in evidence… now our crooks can get off the hook by demanding typical evidence discovery rights of defendants, something judges rightly should not deny, with defendant likely knowing there are so many worms in this particular case’s can of ‘justice’, the Justice Department dare not produce the can… our tortures the law Justice Department gets a treasonous ‘can of worms’ award…

Retired British spook gets it, MI6 man Alastair Crooke (are all financiers are in some sense crooks?, Crooke was a banker who left the industry because he did not like the greed before he was a spy), founded “Conflicts Forum” which seeks to establish the validity of opposing points of view for adversaries so they can honestly negotiate instead of “talking past each other.” Brilliant!! Now, to the disturbing thought his ‘Conflicts Forum’ raised when I read the article and discovered it includes “former spies, diplomats and peace activists…” is the reporter/writer a moron or did he actually mean “former peace activists”… (context, dude, should have been ‘peace activists, diplomats and former spies, although ‘diplomat’ and spy’ are synonyms…  journalism’s moron award, but bringing to mind:

One of our human rights organizations has been staffed by CIA in executive position, information I could be arrested and jailed for if I were to go so far as revealing ‘state secret’ identities… who are your CIA? Think about it. These are highly educated people who do 20 years or 30 years and retire to a sailboat or second job or both, depending on the USA retirement plan. Meanwhile, in the operational sector, they chill out under cover when not needed or even use straight jobs AS their cover. Not just a few of them are highly paid professional assassins. They are your diplomats, corporate board members, lawyers, educators (the pretty much out of the closet Rice/Chevron/Hoover Institute/Yoo/Stanford relationship can be seen), cops, FBI agents, pastors, human rights executives and journalists (that is just SO wrong), military officers, diverse corporate executives and employees, doctors, etcetera, normal seeming people afforded frequent vacations or travel often relating to their work… all cover for CIA. This criminal organization penetrates every aspect of society and should be disbanded, as easy as shutting off their (international narcotics trafficking sourced) money… Amnesty International earns the ‘we declined to meet with Ronald West and rather wish he was dead’ human rights front for intelligence agencies award…

Hillary goes to press saying “I loved my job” which actually can only mean ‘I loved jobbing the millions of women who voted for me on social issues’, reiterating Hillary could have had any cabinet position she liked but chose one far away from any reality of insuring honest (single payer?) health care reform or putting forward an American ‘women’s rights’ stamp on this administration… rather burning women alive around the globe with ‘humanitarian’ interventions. Woman Judas award…

My buddy Roger Cohen at the New York Times reads the Harper’s Magazine article “Jesus Killed Mohammed”, poops his pants and pirouettes on his honest column of the previous week accurately depicting Obama as differing from Bush only in the fact Obama can actually speak English… now Roger does journalistic fellatio on Obama’s foreign policy, ‘dripping’ praise for Obama’s differing approach contrasted to the factual “War on Islam” … neglecting to note the Harper’s article and Obama’s callow inability to take on the Pentagon’s religious extremist generals… in which case the Bush/religious-right “War on Islam” actually continues as a Obama policy… Bozo Boner award to Roger [male cowardice]

Roger returns to sensibility, on Israeli dishonesty dealing with peace in the middle east, recovering the pseudo of his manhood, but from here out I am going with Maureen Dowd over Roger’s PMS and mood swings, you just can’t know what to expect from Roger, I’ve been checking out Maureen and she is HOT! A better writer altogether, she has superior courage and took up the theme Roger had abandoned in his panic attack, Maureen, in her much more direct editorial “Cheney grabs a 3rd term” writes how it appears Cheney and Rumsfeld are making policy for their “boy toy” Obama (good one) Maureen Dowd earns a beauty, courage and truth award…

Hamas leader Khalid Meshal on Obama: “His language is different and positive” earns Meshal a honorable mention ‘a sucker is born every minute’ award (by now Meshal has to realize this)

Meshal (who the Obama administration will not include in any mid-east peace process at the insistence of Israel) and Ronald West share the dubious distinction of having survived bungled intelligence service assassination attempts, Meshal poisoned by MOSSAD on the orders of the Israeli prime minister Netanyahu.. multiple attempts on West on the orders of the MOSSAD/CIA/Department of Defense combined ‘the enemy of my enemy is my friend’ rogue intelligence agents ‘in the service of our religious extremist super-friends alliance’… MOSSAD/CIA/religious extremist super-friends alliance earn a Corporate-Star-Chamber/Curia-Borgia bungler assassins award…

“As long as they don’t exclude any option, let the United States select the order of things,” Nobel Peace Prize winner/Israeli President Shimon Peres states while dictating terms it’s banana republic USA may employ in exploring any relationship with Iran… Peres making the point a bombing Iran “option” belongs to the USA first and then Israel will start the war the USA will have to fight [with an American army on the flank of Iran] if the Americans won’t blow up the ayatollahs… after an Israeli dictated ‘what the USA policies will be’ meeting on nuclear weapons with Obama and we all know Israel will be using American weapons and money and any Israeli attack would be no different that the USA initiating hostilities from Iran and the entire Islamic world’s point of view- Nobel Peace Prize selection committee gets ‘pulled a boner’ award [made a stupid mistake]

USA hog farming giant Smithfield Corporation murders ‘Wilber’ of Charlottes Web, since they have moved into Romania, Smithfield has run roughshod over environmental laws ill equipped to deal with the new mega-hog’s super-barns… as well in a mere decade they had driven the number of Romanian small pig operations from half a million to less than fifty thousand… with the impact felt as far away as African pig farmers who cannot compete with the sharp and sudden influx of cheap pork. Shareholders swine flu off-shore-tax-haven award, meanwhile, speaking of some real pigs:

The United States Air Force ‘open fly’ boys, piloting bombers sporting JESUS SAVES logos on their ‘cock’pits, shred scores of kids and women in Afghanistan, like Mickey Mouse taking on 7 giants at a single ‘blow’, AGAIN… even as the Pentagon’s religious extremist generals are busted by Al Jeezera TV for lying about concerted effort in command structure promoting Christian proselytizing of Afghans… led by the U.S. Army Chaplains and fundamentalist friends working on saving the souls of those Muslim “children of Satan” in a military that consequently blows the idea ‘Jesus loves the little children’ to bits with air strikes when the kids say ‘no thanks’…

Now, considering United States had planned, authorized and implemented torture, violating treaties we are signed to (never mind just how creepy that is) and that torture will now be altogether excused by our Department of ‘Just Us’ fundamentalist Christians, no problem with the cover-up and denial of the USA’s ‘holy war’ crime that goes on, eh Commander-in-Chief Obama? Any guess why the Afghans might prefer the theology of the Taliban to the ‘liberation’ theology of your military?? Commander-in-Chief Obama gets a ‘I’m still standing behind my Christian Crusaders’ war crimes award…

It’s come back to ‘I knew it was wrong but thought it was legal’ no criminal intent Anglo-Saxon law at Attorney General Holder’s Justice department… where water-boarding is torture but there is no crime involved… The Department of Justice, investigating itself, the same method the Israeli and American militaries use to insure they cannot discover evidence of war crimes or religious extremists and hate crime that exist in it’s ranks… the Justice Department internal inquiry draft report found ‘lapses but no crimes’ relating to the people preparing the ‘torture is legal’ memos, Obama’s Justice Department is determined EVERYONE will get off the hook, includes those who systematically planned, authorized, and implemented war crimes in the treatment of captives… welcome to the United States of Mugabe, Robert ‘tonton macoutes’ Gates’ led CIA in the service of Godfather George H.W. Bush family’s criminal-syndicate-secret-government in charge, all of Gates’ harem ‘boys’ curtsey to their polyandrous spouse… Gates: earns a Bugs Bunny in drag ‘gay wabbit’ award (that is a cruel rabbit, just ask Elmer Fudd)

‘dark queen’ Condoleezza (mirror, mirror on the wall) tells a student at a forum torture is: “legal by definition, if the president authorizes it”, and you just have to wonder at the Israeli philosophy of ‘the enemy of my enemy is my friend’ because theirs has become a case of ‘with friends like these, who needs enemies?’ It is likely gonna be déjà vu for American Jews, not only the Jews in Israel, the AIPAC initiated American knee-jerk support for Israeli policy, no matter how self destructive, is looking more and more like a case of the chickens headed home to roost when these “perfected in God’s sight Jews” [Ann Coulter, citing St Paul] fundamentalist Christians’ coup is complete and the “Christ killers” [the U.S. military’s Officer’s Christian Fellowship ‘passion’ theology sobriquet for Jews] are told on ‘the water-board’ to convert because Mel Gibson’s Latin ‘rite’ wing Pius X “pray for the Jews” is back in vogue at Rome where water-boarding makes sense, because the church can save the Amazon this way, which a recent Pope had said is equally important to saving the world from homosexuals, rather than waste wood burning the Gays, Jews, Secular Humanists, Witches, women generally, kids that don’t behave, especially alter boys that talk, people who sue the church..  Condoleezza awarded the ‘president authorized it’ ‘Gangrene Heart’ lapel pin…

Another spook gets it, ex-CIA Kabul (Afghanistan) station chief Graham Fuller writes the 40 million ethnic Pashtun divided between Pakistan and Afghanistan are turning to the Taliban more as an expression of Pashtun power and independence under pressure from American military policy of “drone bombings and assassinations” rather than any great love for Taliban politics… pointing out “Pashtun are among the most fiercely nationalist, tribalized and xenophobic peoples of the world.” Obama must only read the Chevron’s Center for Strategic Studies General James ‘the reverend jim’ Jones  and ‘dark queen’ Condoleezza’s briefing papers … while negotiating to keep nine military bases in Afghanistan, when actually Obama needs to think about the modern day number of FORTY MILLION of the same Pashtun people Alexander the Great could not defeat with superior weapons and training, and since Alexander had failed, no one has ever defeated the Pashtun, Soviet Union included… Fuller wins a rehabilitation to truth award, a rare honor for CIA:

Speaking of CIA “drone bombings and assassinations”, I’d neglected to mention awhile back the Zirdari photo in the New York Times, Zirdari grinning like the cat that ate the canary with his wife out of the way, flanked by photos of Benazir Bhutto as though those photos were feathers of a bird clinging to the corners of his mouth… Zirdari had sucked up to the CIA in ways Benazir never would have… Zirdari wins a ‘sucks up to the CIA at any price to bring me to power’ award…

Obama’s former National Security Advisor, Chevron poster child General James ‘the reverend jim’ Jones, continues useing the national ‘prayer breakfast’ circuit to praise the Pentagon air strikes that kill scores of kids and their moms… “we can’t fight with one hand tied behind our back”… gee, he just admitted we can’t nearly as effectively kill kids and women without air strikes… meanwhile our ‘Campus Crusade jihad for Jesus’ Pentagon had appointed a “one star general” to ‘study’ the air strike massacres “problem”, you know ‘one star’ only has to please fellow Christian extremist generals and ‘one star’ will become two… while a Pope who had rehabilitated the anti-Semitic extremist ‘passion for pius x’ calls for tolerance even as the ‘passion’ inspired American special operations generate holy war… as the Bush family criminal syndicate’s commander-in-chief  Robert ‘tonton macoutes’ Gates had engineered a major revamp of our military to beef up those very special operations forces which are ideal for committing war crimes under cover… Bonanza of torturing Bozos award…

Constitutional law professor Obama takes the coward’s moral midget road and moves to block the release of war crimes photos ordered released by TWO courts, on behalf of his recent bosom buddy, the war criminal Defense Secretary Robert Gates, oblivious to the ONLY means of defusing holy war with the Muslim world which is: to come clean and prosecute… while the New York Times reporters continue to suck up to the incompetence in Afghanistan, writing on the war as though it were not yet the total fiasco it is, giving the war credence by quoting generals who make an un-winnable war even more un-winnable than necessary… no one is asking the hard questions, ignoring how to win peace, like clearing out the religious extremism… meanwhile Congress “grumbles” as it prepares to ante up the hundreds of billions upon wasted trillions to keep it all going downhill… cluster of tortured boners award…

The homophobic Boy Scouts of America’s “Explorer Scouts”, some as young as 14, are given anti-terror SWAT training by police who have to take online anti-sexual abuse courses, as though that would stop a pedophile, on account of past civil and criminal cases concerning police sexual abuse of the Explorer Scouts… Boy Scouts earn a closet-pedophile ‘don’t ask, don’t tell’ award…

Supreme Court Justice Scalia says he does not believe in legislative intent… now I really hate to spill scalding coffee on the bulge in Scalia’s lap, but if this is the case as he states, Scalia has a problem. There is this ‘thing’ in our Constitution called “un-enumerated rights” and if Scalia can only read the language of the law itself without taking into account the legislative intent, those “un-enumerated rights” must be forever “un-enumerated” in which case they can never be “rights”… congress sent an idiot to the bench award…

Sociopath CIA Officer Sabrina De Sousa is wanted in Italy for kidnap and delivery to torture… this dufus 57-year-old-4-year-old-in-denial sues the USA for diplomatic immunity she is not eligible for in her former consular work (lawyers will try anything for money, in this case the dufus Sabrina’s money), denying she was a CIA agent, the case draws the media’s attention and they of course go to their sources who are also CIA and the sources blow it for her by saying Sabrina is CIA… HOW STUPID WAS THAT SABRINA? The interesting thing here is the State Department (Sabrina’s cover) sources saying they had been trying to get the Italian case involving Sabrina shut down, hell yes, they were because this is the case where an Italian intelligence agency defendant brought out the information Condoleezza Rice was in charge of the USA’s delivery to torture program called ‘extraordinary renditions’ .. interesting, Ronald West states he recognizes Sabrina from her photo, their paths had crossed in Germany? (remarkable, a perfect stranger SMIRKS at you in Wiesbaden, duh, says Ronald) Sabrina gets CIA bungler’s award…

Which brings us back to Obama shutting down the photographic evidence of abuse by Americans ordered released by our courts… Obama’s statement (parroting the denial of Bush era) indicating isolated incidence “carried out in the past by a small number of individuals” is a bald-faced, through the teeth lie. This is Constitutional law professor Obama’s assault on the rule of law in the tradition of John [fuck] Yoo, because we know now this photographic evidence reflects only a few instance of a several agencies wide (CIA, Justice, Defense and State) program involving many hundreds of people and thousands of cases of war crimes in Iraq, Afghanistan, Guantanamo, Black Sites and proxies, which in part have been described by a judge in Spain as “an authorized and systematic plan of torture and abuse of people stripped of liberty, without charges and denied the basic rights afforded detainees”   .. there is ONE WAY OUT of our war with Islam begun by Bush/Cheney, and that one way out is: GOOD FAITH PROSECUTIONS to stop the ONGOING religion motivated crimes:

NOW…. Here are the CIA briefed American leaders who approved, initiated and/or pursued carrying out the torture program.   CIA briefers were then director George ‘torture’s’ Tenet and deputy director John Mc-Laugh-lin

Briefees included George ‘baby doc’ Bush, ‘big dick’ Cheney, ‘dark queen’ Condoleezza (mirror, mirror on the wall), Don ‘tin man’ Rumsfeld, and John ‘Muslims are the children of Satan’ Ashcroft, no surprises there

Colin Powell? Oops, his claim he was duped into presenting false intelligence info at the UN, justifying Iraq’s invasion, I think just turned into the kid run over by the ice cream truck-

Senate hawks Bob ‘cracker’ Grahm and Richard ‘confederate general’ Shelby, Florida and Alabama respectively, ok, perfectly straightforward right wing honkies, to be expected, no surprises there either…

Congressman Porter ‘former Director of CIA’ Goss, I’d be surprised if he had NOT been named, and whadda-ya-know:

NANCY ‘apes’ PELOSI

If ever there were a doubt Nancy suffers ‘acquired ego-priapism syndrome’, I think it is safe to say now the diagnosis has been confirmed… AEPS, pronounced APES, as in ‘apes’ cowardly male behaviors…   Nancy is the surprise add to the list of war criminals the USA is obliged to prosecute according to our constitution’s ‘supremacy clause’ …“any treaty made shall be the supreme law of the land” unless of course Obama is going to jettison either our constitution or the torture treaty the USA is signed to (he jettisoned our constitution, no surprise, now that he is a guilty party himself)

So, constitutional law professor Obama, as Attorney General Holder plows through his medieval Anglo-Saxon medicine chest, looking for remedies to treat the migraine of a plausible ‘writ of mandamus’ in his forced grand jury referrals and preparation of criminal indictments under the torture treaty, did you really want to protect Pelosi from war crimes culpability like Pelosi protected Bush from impeachment (suddenly, totally understanding Pelosi was covering her own war criminal ass)

And to the question of pardons, how fortunate a person is innocent until proven guilty under the USA legal practice, meaning Obama cannot constitutionally pardon anyone prior to a trial and conviction…

House Republican leader John ‘the boner’ Boehner has described a report pointing to the dangers of right wing soldiers as a future threat to domestic security offensive and called on the government to apologize to veterans. As a veteran, I call on Representative ‘Boner’ to apologize to all Americans for the acts of our future Timothy McVeighs represented in un-prosecuted special operations war criminals being released back into our society…

My ‘I knew it was wrong but thought it was legal’ awardees, whose political lies and/or rhetorical stupidities can often be found in my blogs, in order of lie or stupidity’s magnitude: Barak Obama (to Turkish Parliament “USA is not at war with Islam”), George Bush (”People who are allowed to worship freely in society, are people who are going to be peaceful citizens” as our Christian extremist led military pursues holy war he started), Supreme Court Justice Alito (”Marauding Indians” in a firearms decision, OMG, Geronimo!), Senator Kit Bond in a Senate hearing, (”you can’t believe what you read” about CIA torture), Attorney General Eric Holder (too many to recite), Nancy Pelosi (self-serving political lies), Sarah Palin (for posing as Jack Kerouac in drag in real life) and Hillary Clinton “We came we saw, we murdered” Gaddafi (because I think the ‘girlz’ who behave like ‘boyz’ deserve to make the ‘boyz’ list)

Closet republican morality disclaimer, also known as the Senator Larry Craig clause: for the purposes of this thesis, the term “boner” is the first (1) given in the Oxford Dictionary, however any Barney Frank-o-philes are permitted to imagine it is the second (2), in which case any prurient lampoons should be ‘tasteful’

boner |ˈbōnər|

noun

1 informal a stupid mistake.

2 vulgar slang an erection of the penis.

ORIGIN after House Republican leader John ‘Boehner’ the quintessential prick

Here is how a ‘Barney Frank-o-phile’ (‘hitting’ on the liberals) lampoon could work:

Instead of walking out on Iranian President ‘mouthy’ Mahmoud, at the UN forum on racism, when ‘mouthy’ truthfully called Israel “cruel and repressive”, why didn’t one of those western diplomats, instead of disappearing like cowards, stand up and shout out “Fair enough, now, what I want to know, is there a ‘boner’ involved when Iran puts it’s women to death, for adultery, by stoning?” Of course that would make worldwide headlines and Iran would realize it had REALLY ‘pulled a boner’

Here is how a ‘closet republican morality’ (‘nailing’ the conservatives) lampoon could be ‘pulled off’

The UN Rapporteur on racism has stated “defaming religion” should be dis-allowed, wow, I suppose that means the office in Rome called the congregation for the doctrine in the faith will be ‘coming out’ of the closet, to be called the holy inquisition again, and anyone who stands up to torture will be charged by the prosecutor Gonadius [worse than ‘pig’ Latin, eh? gonad + ius], with the crime of having ‘pulled a boner’ (of course that can only mean ‘made a stupid mistake’) Subtle difference, you think?

And of course, there is always the morality neutral or ‘ethics free’ example (getting digs into the ‘I’m in it for me’ sociopath public figure), in this case a ‘half-truth’ :

Rahm Emanual: “The Republicans are the party of no ideas”, neglecting to mention he was the ‘wormtongue’ (wet tongue?) in the ear of a Democratic president with brain-dead ideas…

And so it all goes to: “Know thyself” –the pedophile Socrates, executed for “corrupting the youth of Athens”

Now, it seems fitting this should degenerate into a legal treatise designed to constitutionally box in the ‘boyz’, and as such, is apropos to pick on Chief Justice John ‘boy’ Roberts, who went from ‘Waltons’ family lawyer to chief executive at the violent pornography industry of Anglo-Saxon law;

John ‘boys’ court had been recently accused of ‘pulling a boner’ [a cowardly legal decision] by much more principled conservative judges than the dwarves on the conservative wing of this Supreme Court… who have been accused by those more principled men of legal ‘mealy mouth’ in a recent ‘right to bear arms’ or 2nd Amendment case, and called it a right wing Roe v Wade for mincing around the ‘hard’ facts…

Just like the all male Roe court could not ‘bear’ to give women the 4th amendment’s protection of “privacy in their papers” :

‘Dear diary, today I had to choose between raising a child in poverty for a father I’ve discovered would never be there for us, or terminating…’

No differently, John ‘boys’ court could not call a spade a spade and admit the founders meant “the right of the people to bear arms” to be a clause against a coup of the power corrupt over our rule of law… this could have been intelligently addressed by BEING HONEST and calling the right to bear arms what our constitution meant it to be, a militia of the people that does NOT shoot “marauding Indians” at casinos, giving states a bit of control over assault rifles (that actually cannot be constitutionally taken from the people so long as the 2nd Amendment and a modern arms military both exist), like one assault rifle per militia member which is any person of good legal standing in the community, no record of domestic violence and with brains enough to pass an 8th grade constitutional ethics test, weapon stays locked up in the home… and use of ANY firearm in a crime could consequently be made a statutory case of domestic treason for violating a fellow citizen’s civil liberties-

But naw, self serving cowards can’t pull their heads out from where the sun never shines, because the idea I just proposed would preserve our constitution AND DRAMATICALLY REDUCE the number of assault rifles and ALL other firearms on our streets as well as shut down the weapons exports to Mexican drug cartels, too bad that would hurt the gun lobby…

Now, where do you suppose John ‘boy’ will come out on torture? Will he allow prosecutions of his corporate class peers?? Since now days the 4th Amendment appears to only protect the privacy of the papers held as corrupt corporate class state secrets concealing crimes, the prognosis is not good, but I have an idea!

Uncle Sam has this Latino dude named ‘Stare Decisis’ in his honky law library, he’s been the bouncer, all his work is about is, there should be stability and quiet in the case-law or, that had been the way it worked and so that is the way it generally should be.

Now John ‘boy’s’ honkies have been ganging up on this Latino dude recently, so Stare Decisis brings a knife to work to defend himself. Returning to the Silvergate nincompoop’s  ‘let’s all duck responsibility with a honky defense’ rationale, I do believe this Latino dude can take out a certain Anglo-Saxon’s ass, that is, the whole idea surrounding ‘I knew it was wrong but thought it was legal’ as a legitimate ‘no criminal intent’ defense-

Here is how it could work: Anglo-Saxon right wingers (includes dark rye ‘cracker’ Clarence ‘anita’s bad hair day’ Thomas) like to kill people, that is easy to see in John ‘boys’ conservatives putting retarded and insane people to death… and honky states like to force anti-psychotics into defendants so they become fit at trial to understand why they are going to die for something they could not understand when they did it…

So if John ‘boys’ ‘boss-hog’ federal court has let those state decisions stand, bingo, suddenly Stare Decisis, this Latino dude, whips out his knife! And he goes beserk from being picked on!!

The Supreme Court takes anti-psychotics to understand what is happening in the real world and the Anglo-Saxon no criminal intent ‘I knew it was wrong but thought it was legal’ defense is knife wounds like the slashers in the movies make (oh, our lovely 1st Amendment!) across their blindfolded bitch’s Anglo-Saxon body of no criminal intent law, Stare Decisis just cut her to pieces!!!!!

Your averaged IQ of 90 could puzzle through the shit in this process’ result- Whoa, check it out, THAT BITCH IS DEAD!!!!!!!

With eyes mere slits, Chief Justice John Roberts proposed Stare Decisis had passed the Federalist Society rite of initiation and be awarded membership. Stare, feeling his ingratiation with the fascists would further his career opportunities, and therefore smugly pleased, sat for his official photo on a tall stool wearing the borrowed Federalist Society member George W Bush’s dunce cap, which was actually a modified Klu Klux Klan headdress, presented by a Grand Wizard.

With Stare’s middle finger shoved up his nose as though digging deep for a booger, the preferred pose of society members for photos, John Roberts, Antonin Scalia and Samuel Alito pulled from beneath their robes Thompson Sub-Machine guns, stolen for the occasion at Dick Cheney’s direction by Federalist Society house niggers Clarence Thomas and Condoleezza Rice; from the Al Capone exhibit at the FBI museum.

The Thompson drum clips having been filled with unjacketed aluminum alloy hollow point 45 caliber ammunition provided by Academi Corporation, as Anthony Kennedy watched via live feed at the Citizen’s United VIP lounge, the three justices fired precisely 150 rounds, at point blank range, into the biggest buffoon ever to claim expertise in law as a member of the American Bar Association.

A few hours later, the night shift janitor with a ‘four zero’ security clearance who’d been told to bring a body bag to work, was grossed out. Stare Decisis had been basically pureed, his remains little more than a large congealing puddle with a few big chunks.

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“There’s an old saying,”In the days of slavery, there were those slaves who lived on the plantation and there were those slaves that lived in the house. You got the privilege of living in the house if you served the master … exactly the way the master intended to have you serve him.

“It is my personal feeling that plantations exist all over America. If you walk into South Central Los Angeles, into Watts, or you walk into Over-the-Rhine in Cincinnati, you’ll find people who live lives that are as degrading as anything that slavery had ever produced. They live in economic oppression, they live in a disenfranchised way. In the hearts and minds of those people, and millions of others, you’re always looking for hope, and whenever somebody within our tribe, within our group, emerges that has the position of authority and power to make a difference in the way business is done, our expectations run high. Many times, those expectations are not fulfilled. But when such an individual is in the service of those who not only perpetuate the oppression, but sometimes design the way in which it is applied, it then becomes very, very, very, very critical that we raise our voices and be heard” -Harry Belafonte

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The Satires

 

 

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