If anyone were to find the satire aspect of this post to be offensive, well, so what. I find the media lies we are fed every day to be offensive –

If the British can identify & specify the precise molecular composition of the supposed ‘Soviet era’ nerve agent they now claim had been employed to poison Skripal, they should as well be able to precisely replicate the same poison with all of the implications that might point to. Three suspects should be looked at with no particular order of preference:

1) MI6

2) CIA

3) Ukraine’s foreign security service

4) Any combination of the preceding

It simply makes no sense for Russia to have done this, Putin wouldn’t want the attending public relations making him out to be the godfather of all primal evil and Russia has not been keen on amping up tensions with the liberal democracies (unlike certain NATO aligned personalities)

Spook Soup

Insofar as people who’re trained to lie as one’s 1st nature, there is an Achilles’ heel can trap the undercover spook; “identity confusion” where one in four officers are established to suffer related psychological disturbance.

Now, as a brief exercise in ‘creative fiction’ before we examine the facts, let’s pose as writers for the UK paper ‘The Telegraph’ who’re moonlighting as Hollywood script writers, repackaging and selling the calls they’re receiving from MI6 (mis)shaping their storytelling (lies.)

As a literary device, we’ll lobotomize Christopher Steele & colleagues as a class; because the scientific literature regarding spooks working under cover has established they “should be intelligent” but “not too intelligent.” Hence their IQ must, at the least, present a challenge to certain science fiction chimpanzees:

It all begins with a meeting at Vauxhall, where Britain’s MI6 executive officers are called to an urgent meeting to consider an appalling circumstance; Alex Younger chairs the meeting and  opens with a bone-chilling briefing, drawing a collective expression of fear from otherwise stoic & motley lot of veteran spooks where none know the real identity of the others (themselves included.)

AY: Ladies and Gentlemen, we have an unimaginable circumstance, it would seem there is a new General Grubozaboyschikov has bested our own real life Bond, that is Christopher Steele. Anyone that can outsmart someone as competent as Oscar LeWinter, and our Steele was every bit LeWinter’s equal, poses this agency nightmarish problems. Agent ViXen, this will not be pretty, brace yourself.

VX: Aii! You said “was”? Steele’s not survived?

AY: Not as a ‘man.’ Steele did indeed come in from the dark. His last act as a ‘man’ was to attend dinner with  General Grubozaboyschikov’s agents Boris & Natasha, to receive a dossier on Trump. When our man woke up from the sedative slipped into his wine, he discovered his testicles had been drilled through and securely bolted down (with large washers flattening them to millimeters thickness) to the hardwood floor. Within Steele’s reach was an eXacto-knife with note attached and beyond his reach, his cell phone. The note said “Well, mate, cutting your own ball sack off is symbolic act at this point, by the time you read this your gonads will already be dead. The phone is in working order, now be  a sport and do what must be done to reach the phone and save your life.” Agent ViXen, how would you feel about a new cover as a lesbian? You’re boyfriend Steele has come out of transgender surgery in fine shape; but his future with a ‘middle-aged cougar’ cover is in serious doubt .. you know, when that fine former male’s stiffied-upper lip gags in the act of giving head while assigned clandestine sexual liaisons. Our psychologists don’t believe he can make the transition… his persona is overly identified with James Bond.

VX: CURSE YOU BORIS AND NATASHA!!

Well, in a way, the preceding is about as accurate as reporting at The Telegraph (we’ll come to that) only probably much better. When circumstance finally requires sorting fact from fiction, it’ll likely come down to the Steele dossier was invented and fed to Christopher Steele by MI6, the CIA or, least likely, by Russian intelligence. The entire dossier content being essentially bullshit, effectively has castrated Steele as a reputable spook in the world of espionage and makes MI6 look dumber than a box of rocks. Steele’s firm Orbis is finished.

Boiled down, what the Telegraph claims, based on its ‘spook’ and other sources, is poisoned spy Sergei Skripal was Christopher Steele’s dossier source. Supposedly Skripal was meeting regularly with Russian intelligence at Russia’s embassy in London, presumably coming away with material damaging to Trump. The Telegraph reporting gives 100% credence to the dossier every intelligence figure that is not lobotomized understands is almost certainly altogether bogus.

According to the Telegraph, Skripal’s betrayal made the Russians so mad they assigned a hit squad to follow Skripal’s daughter to England and take them out to ‘send a message.’

Now, let’s repackage this patent nonsense in a wrapping of common sense.

Scenario One

Supposedly Russian intelligence in London is letting its people meet and discuss current events in ‘tradecraft’ terms with a former double agent in Russian intelligence, a man recently employed by MI6, who previously, prior to a spy swap, was in prison in Russia for giving up Russian spies to MI6. If, by some incredible stretch of the imagination this senario were to be true, only a lobotomized British spy could believe anything that had been reported back.

Consider [then] President Medvedev had pardoned Skripal at the time of the spy swap, presumably Skripal still has fully valid Russian citizenship. If he were indeed visiting the Russian embassy, it could be for any number of routine consular affairs, for instance keeping his passport current or dealing with bureaucratic procedures when applying for his retirement pension.

Possibly MI5/MI6 suspected Skripal was ‘redeeming’ himself with the Russians under pretense of using consular services; reporting back to the Russian side on his recent MI6 employment, as Skripal had expressed remorse at his trial in Russia and had cooperated with investigators, subsequently receiving a reduced sentence. If Skripal had been making routine visits to the Russian embassy, that couldn’t have pleased the British side.

Motive to assassinate Skripal assigned to British MI6.

Scenario Two

The Telegraph believes Vladimir Putin would actually opt for his world-wide reputation to be one of murderous slime. That’s basically the argument MI5/MI6 has made on behalf of their intelligence contacts proposing to media a Russian hit squad committed the poisoning to ‘send a message.’ A lobotomized British spy would suggest it, a lobotomized Telegraph editorial staff could pass it off as fact, and a lobotomized British public could believe it. It is this last is closest to fact, on account of the British public, and the western democracies’ public generally, are so pervasively lied to by media, they might as well be lobotomized.

Probably what actually had happened is, the Steele dossier was never supposed to be an issue at this point. The original intent had been the ‘Steele dossier’ should have derailed Trump’s election and we wouldn’t have a sitting President of the United States complicating the sh*t out of the fact the ‘dossier’ cannot be conveniently disposed of and buried in the past. Here’s the proposed conversation:

John Brennan: Alex, I have some ‘laundry’ concerning a certain pretender to the American throne, so to speak, and it’s origin is too close to home. I need an offshore laundromat that likes dollars laundered to pounds laundered to rubles.

Alex Younger: I have your man, none too bright, and enough distance on this end, out of our employ for 10 years. Formerly a Russia assignment. Put your people on developing a conduit to feed him, and of course, I can’t know about any of it.

But then, Trump beat all odds (and the popular vote with a constitutional loophole) to become president and the stinking dossier cannot be done away with. The next conversation went something like this:

Alex: John, your end dropped the ball. We need this mess cleaned up and quick.

John: Alex, we’ll do what we can but I’m a lame duck. Here’s Mike Pompeo’s number, he’s as mean as they come… it’ll get taken care of.

Subsequently, the lobotomized intelligence agencies have to bet on lobotomized media subservience to a point of the lobotomized British public, and the western democracies lobotomized public at large, is dumb enough to believe ‘the Russians did it’ to send a message because Putin could care less about public relations and desires to be known as the sire of Satan himself.

Desperate information warfare motive to assassinate Skripal assigned to combined CIA/British MI6.

Scenario Three

In this least likely ‘everyone on the liberal democracies’ intelligence agencies side is truly lobotomized’ scenario, known double agent Skripal, via Steele, was actually a conduit for Russian intelligence feeding false allegations to American intelligence concerning Trump. Lurid allegations that could never be proved are fed to Steele, Steele (and by default, the Americans) ran with this unvetted material from a severely dubious source creating a massive credibility problem were the dossier ever actually investigated. The result is British and American intelligence looking worse than the dumbest cartoon spooks, ever. Sadly, given the contemporary standard of British & American leadership at the intelligence agency level, however unlikely, this is actually possible.

Revenge/silenced witness motive assigned to the British and Americans.

Wild Card Scenario

Ukraine’s Foreign Intelligence Service, MOSSAD, many nations secret services with an axe to grind for Russia, which could include NATO’s three Chihuahuas (Lithuania, Latvia & Estonia), Poland is run by Russophobes, other maverick NATO players, et cetera add nausea.

With the exception of Ukraine, whose leaders are of a much higher mental instability (on par with Anglo-Saxons) than your run of the mill European ‘liberal democracy’ cowardly and criminal leaders, Ukraine having shot down MH 17 with a combat jet, the very idea of Putin discovering a 3rd party false flag pointing to them probably would see their balls retract to a pre-puberty state. Excepting Ukraine (plausibly holding Soviet era nerve agent stocks), 3rd party false flag ruled out (with MOSSAD disqualified because they actually work to hold Bibi back from making existential threatening mistakes, the aggressively corrupt Bibi who sometimes may be MOSSAD’s puppet but is never MOSSAD’s master.)

What that persona of aggression named Theresa May should look at, instead of running her mouth based on what the likes of Alex Younger may be informing her, is this circumstance is too complicated-compromised from day one to go with your top professional liar.

What Alex Younger should be doing is, calling Gerhard Schindler and asking how it is he’d avoided public disclosure and jail when he’d been forced out as head of Germany’s BND almost certainly because of lying to the German Federal Parliament, on account of this informant (yours truly) had provided that very parliament convincing evidence of Schindler’s perfidy; when Schindler knowingly lied to parliament about who used chemical weapons in Syria.

Recipe for Spook Soup

“Professional standards require intelligence professionals to lie, hide information, or use covert tactics to protect their “cover,” access, sources, and responsibilities. The Central Intelligence Agency expects, teaches, encourages, and controls these tactics so that the lies are consistent and supported (“backstopped”). The CIA expects intelligence officers to teach others to lie, deceive, steal, launder money, and perform a variety of other activities that would certainly be illegal if practiced in the United States. They call these tactics “tradecraft,” and intelligence officers practice them in all the world’s intelligence services” -Hulnick & Mattausch, “Ethics and Morality in U.S. Secret Intelligence”

“a variety of other activities” & “certainly be illegal if practiced in the United States” should have been a bit wider net cast, to ‘certainly be illegal if practiced anywhere.’ Particularly when including attempted murders and murders. And that’s what you’ll oftentimes get in the world of spooks. Except when it comes to HUMIT (human intelligence or actual spies) the Russians are not so nearly dumb enough to ‘send a message’ incriminating themselves with a sloppy nerve agent poisoning. Only a desperate western or rogue Ukrainian intelligence agency would do that.

Desperate, you say? Well, yes. The entire ‘the Russians did it’ western intelligence caper is falling apart, from the Democratic National Committee ‘hack‘ to the Steele dossier consisting of little more than naturally produced human methane almost certainly originating in either Langley or Vauxhall. The more ‘Never Trump’ intelligence agencies’ lies fall apart, the more desperate the acts to attempt backstopping lies that can’t be backstopped. Even as they’re losing, their criminal business model demands they cannot lose. It’s an accelerating-losing psychological feedback loop at this point. Each subsequent act to shield the criminality lessens possibilities for their web of lies holding up.

The real question here is, when will any ‘allies’ toss the Ango-Saxons on either side of the pond in favor of rationality? Can they imagine life without NATO aggression? In a geopolitical rearrangement realistically engaging-cooperating with Russia? Or are they all lobotomized?

Note on the preceding: I hate to give up hope my countrymen will find a means to clean up the anti-constitutional order unleashed by the National Security Act of 1947, creating a CIA these days fused at many levels with the Pentagon, enabling absolute idiots at the intelligence agencies and warmongers at the White House running the affairs of my country like a deep state Monopoly board game with nukes. Nothing would get common Americans attention like some longstanding European allies finally saying ‘this is a reach too far’ and putting up some real resistance to the utter criminality overtaken leadership of my nation. Courageous statesmanship is what’s needed.

*

info-satire by Ronald