For Jared Kushner, Mike Pence, Bibi Netanyahu & ‘The Donald’
A Heavenly Dialogue
George: Hey Lenny, have you seen Jesus? I’ve got a question for him.
Lenny: He’s never here on weekends, he ALWAYS goes to the Parallel Universe of Tikkun Olam.
George: Why is that?
Lenny: Quantum Mechanics and Communion, every Sunday he’d get all sorts of afflictions if he stuck around, you know, the ‘creating reality’ thing.
George: There has to be a joke in this, right?
Lenny: It’s actually worse than you’d want to think, since the evangelists put words in his mouth to eat Jesus’ body and drink his blood, the liberal Christians give him hives and if that weren’t bad enough, then you’ve got the right-wing pinheads coming down with this cannibal smack, oops, I meant cannibal snack .. all taking a bite out of him, the ultra-right parasite Catholics give him ringworm, the fascist parasitic Protestants give him scabies..
George: Holy fuck, no wonder he bails out of the heavens on weekends..
Lenny: Yeah, it’s like why I bailed out of Brooklyn, ultra-orthodox and little boy butt-fuckery .. all these guys looking like Bavarians in bowler hats with pig-tails in the wrong places, I mean c’mon, wherever you see anything like that, you know something is perverted..
George: Well, I was going to ask him a question, maybe you can help me out. What is up with this ‘Jews for Jesus’ thing?
Lenny: You mean Jews for Jewdas? I mean, here are right wing evangelical Jews praying like Pentecostals for the Jews to be destroyed so they can rebuild the Jewish temple in Jerusalem, call it Christian and get Jesus back .. where’s the sense in that?
George: Well, I was wondering about the ‘makes sense’ part .. I mean, here are Jews trying to covert people into right-wing Christians, and it was right wing Christians had stamped out six million Jews already .. I’d run across this blog “These Jews need Jesus” .. there’s a joke in there somewhere, right?
Lenny: Oh yeah, imagine sending a bunch of pedophile Hasidics to a Puritan chapter of Heaven where no kids are allowed, there’d be a serious riot. As if the corrupt closet-fascist Evangelicals wanted to be outed as well, the schumks!
George: Actually, that’s a GREAT idea.. uh.. Lenny, how many times were you arrested?