Archives for category: satire

This ‘autobiographical’ anti-empire satire is in the Native American entertainment style of story-telling superimposed on the Western cultural experience; going to the Blackfeet Indian proverb “Everyone knows the Whiteman is crazy.” The lampoon’s stylistic construction should be described as “The satire in the present genre is to be honest in the Native American way; in effect, constructing a joke story closely resembling real life, a sort of collage of facts assembled from bits and pieces of diverse experience, combined with anecdotal information to create the culturally intact inherent Native wisdom found in their humor. In other words, parts of the story consist of an autobiographical facts incorporated, multi-faceted rip-off of other peoples life stories and experience. And because unlike the White world, the Native world entertains paradox in daily approach to life, some aspects are simply made up from the imagination’s fund of plausible improbabilities”

Phuc Uuu | phuc•uuu | phucju
noun ( pl. –s )
a nocturnal, highly vocal lizard that has adhesive pads on the feet to assist in climbing on smooth surfaces. It is indigenous to coastal regions of Vietnam. • Gekkonidae family • ORIGIN middle 1960s.: imitative of its cry.

The Great Phuc Uuus Massacre

Iraq bothered me because I was certain my eldest son would go [he did not]… a peacekeeper veteran of Bosnia in the Guard. Iraq also bothered me because it seemed we had learned nothing POLITICALLY as a result of Vietnam. Our Vietnam deep involvement was engineered by our combined military/State Department/CIA/corporate industrial complex profit motive with the phony ‘Gulf of Tonkin’ incident… a remarkably false event sharing the identical value of political deceit found in our accusations of Iraq having weapons of mass destruction and Al Qaida ties… one million dead Iraqi civilians later, this is all a part of process in my head, a process not entirely set aside from multiple attempts on my life for my combined life experience and politic- going to military intelligence and psy-ops skills… not only my successes as an investigator

The bottom line is this: It is all about money, a corporate share-holder orgy in government and, now days, with the beyond ‘Orwellian’ twist of religious fanaticism, Christian fanaticism and corporate profiteering Christian driven Islamic fanaticism, thrown in

I remembered the Medal of Honor winner who would not cut his hair for Nixon at his White House ceremony after leaving the Army, he’d told the press “I was stoned and I freaked out”… relating to his acts of heroism. I wonder what our ‘Bible Patriots’ of today’s American military’s 15,000 strong fundamentalist “Officer’s Christian Fellowship” would think of him? Maybe they would spit on him like the rumors had of our returning Vietnam Veterans experience?? That never happened to me..

Our Veterans service organizations drive off members with their redneck social ignorance and drunken bar scene of regaled war glory, lives and years past, in utter disdain of persons like myself, providing no sober and peace devoted alternative… “blessed are the peace makers”, Jesus wasn’t talking about Colt revolvers… and they can get you psycho money, as your veteran advocate, with their fill in the blank (your name) forms requesting disability reviews for physical and/or mental disability

Funny how that psycho rating climbs but not the rating for physical disability even with your health deteriorating as you help Native Americans win successes against corporate criminals… corporate criminals who counterfeit compliance to the law to steal Indian resources.. corporations like Chevron with Condoleezza Rice sitting on the board of directors.. while attorneys with names like Yoo write legal briefs to assist fixing things on the inside

I did not appreciate having to go to the same major university medical center the Veterans Administration sends it schizophrenics to be studied, for my evaluation, and pay quite a bit of money out of pocket to get a clean bill of mental health and undo their label ‘psycho’… how would they turn my clean result down? They could not. Our labeling and persecuting political enemies had been a bit more careful than that of the old Soviet Union… our more effective dissidents are quietly murdered, typically with difficult to detect poisonings meant to look like natural deaths, or arranged accidents when they cannot be discouraged or discredited. Very likely people such as Karen Silkwood and Paul Wellstone, not only Omar Torrejos

And then you have veterans peace organizations driving off (with their socialist drivel) people who’d otherwise be members, leftists who won’t work with the conservative anti-war folk to push change for our common secular sanity and very life survival

Our grassroots reform culture, liberal and conservative, seem like a couple that always fight, gossip and consequently turn off the neighbors… to the wealthy corporate criminals’ advantage and life is a drama like some morbid reality show, when in fact this essay is a fair glimpse of a very present reality in relation to reality past… we are NOT learning from our mistakes and uniting to force change in our politics, rather allowing the same players play the same subversions of our rule of law with their corporate criminal influence buying game in ever more dangerous gambits in an ever more dangerous world

The 82^nd Airborne at Fort Bragg, 1972

I did not know anyone who went to church. Some undoubtedly did, but it was not pushed in our face. Our self-sobriquet in those days, the jumping junkies, was a barracks neurosis of fitness, drugs and frequent lockdowns

A murderous collective killing machine to face in battle, no doubt, despite numerous soldiers whose life was a cocktail of fitness and drugs… men that easily could win commendations or medals for valor, ‘freaking out while stoned’, our training was that good, that had been demonstrated by many of us already in Vietnam

No one I knew needed to be motivated to patriotism or simply do a good job as a soldier with mandatory Bible studies, the fundamentalist crap being force fed today’s troops. I’m getting ahead of myself in the story’s timeline, but I wonder how our Vietnam experience stacks up to today’s military’s fundamentalist Christian reality, my recollections are of a more honest military, or are just more honest recollections and certainly no less brave

Fort Lewis, 1969

In Indian country, where I am from, it is the size of your heart that counts. I was in two fights in basic training, and I did not start either of them. The first was picked by my trainee squad leader who thought he had to be a bully to lead. I did not back down. He was easily 1/3 larger than I, physical stature and weight. He won that fight, but I was not defeated and he knew it… I gave him far more than he ever could have expected, in fact about the limit he could handle, and showed no fear. He left me alone after that go round and stopped picking on people. He was smart enough to learn. The second guy I fought, closer to my size and none too bright, was put onto me by a bigger guy that did not want to take me on. I made short work of him. No one made us go to church

Fort Rucker, 1969-1970

Your army gratitude for graduating the light observation helicopter maintenance class at the aviation school… which means you could be sitting on the back floor of a four seater, legs out the side, feet on the skids with a machine gun in your lap, playing tease for a gunship you are partnered with in a ‘hunter-killer team’… is to be washing pots and pans in the school’s cafeteria while waiting for your assignment

West! Vietnam! I never saw the guy’s face, my orders appeared as papers clutched in a fist thrust through the slot for trays with dirty dishes… my reaction was a strange mix of adrenaline and sinking stomach… nobody was making us go to church

At Travis Air Force Base, 1970

Shipping out, I’d heard of the Vietnam ‘fuck you lizards’ and took it to be an environmental psychosis, I did not, I could not, see this as anything short of a soldier’s urban legend. Lizards simply do not say “fuck you.” That was my naive reality… and the fact is, no one was marching us to church. And lack of church is NOT why we lost Vietnam

At Vung Tau, 1970-71

I’d been transferred to Vung Tau after six months inland as a member of the smallest combat assault aviation unit in Vietnam, I had been assigned to brigade aviation at a brigade of elite light infantry shock troops. We were brutal to the enemy in combat AND unchurched. I’d never heard a ‘fuck you lizard’ so much as mentioned, let alone seen or heard one

It was on my first night shift guard duty at Vung Tau, I’d had smoked a joint of potent Vietnamese marijuana, that was normal by now, was settled in behind my small sandbagged breastwork for what I figured would be a boring night. And then, from ten feet behind me… clearly, and not meekly, a human voice had stated: “Phuc uuu!”

With every hair follicle on my body an instant goose bump, I spun 180 degrees and would have cut anyone standing there in half with my Colt automatic rifle… if someone had been there

Now, worse than the non existent Viet Cong taunting me, the marijuana paranoia called the ‘noids’, began to work. I had completely forgotten about ‘fuck you lizards’ and my sanity was crumbling… no one at Vung Tau had warned me of this enemy because, for the soldiers already stationed there, this was ‘normal.’ I probably thought, ‘Man, I should have gone to church’

The lizard’s accent is like an American saying ‘fuck you’ through a kazoo, only 95% human and 5% kazoo… hence the perfect Vietnamese accent and spelling- ‘phuc uuu’

It must have been the alpha male phuc uuus which were at times particularly vocal, a sort of major mucus throat clearing, before hurling the spitwad: “oh-aw-ickk-phuc-uuu-phuc-uuu-phuc-uuu”

The CIA propaganda teams trained the lizards, that and the fact of our Vung Tau Viet Cong phuc uuu heroin smugglers, kind of makes me snigger at the idea of $500 million Taliban heroin profit claims… because it was phuc uuu reptiles dressed like ‘Men in Black’ delivering the heroin via the CIA’s “Air America” planes, to supply our Vung Tau addicted soldiers

The Vung Tau Viet Cong phuc uuu lizards were selling our good food downtown, using U.S. Army trucks to deliver, our soldiers had to buy their own food back to get a decent meal, sort of making me laugh at the thought of our ‘Christian’ military leaders pointing fingers to corruption in Afghanistan, following on Halliburton in Iraq

One of our cooks was so outraged at preparing the substituted friendly fire killed Water Buffalo for our meal, he made marijuana brownies for our phuc uuus cadres (and went to jail saying oh-phuc)

The lizards took a cut of the taxi fares, from those taxis allowed to use the premium parking outside our base gate, the phuc uuus drove up the fares this way and our soldiers drove the taxis away from the gate with a wrist rocket and ball bearings, muttering: ‘phuking phuc uuus’

That got us all into trouble and we became the phuc uuus confessing in formation. Our phuc uuu 1^st Sergeant: “I want the device and I want the responsible parties to step up front and center!” From the back of the formation: “Phuc uuu.” That came from my squad and suddenly the 1^st Sergeant was at the rear of our formation, in my face, “West! Who said that!!” From the front of the formation came the words: “Phuc uuu”

The ‘Biggus Diccus’ scene in Monty Python’s “Life of Brian” HAD to have been inspired by the “phuc uuu” interrogation at Vung Tau

And the one guy I knew of in our company who’d ever gone to church, our Jesus freak, was a good guy, never pushing it in our face, but most of us knew no piety at all and we did great work rebuilding the war torn helicopters

At Camp Frenzel-Jones (Long Binh) 1970

We called him O, no kidding, simply that, O. Behind his back some called him Psych-O, one of his helicopter combat team-mates had told me O became sexually aroused in combat. I thought that was interesting but who cared? O was a killer and a good one and, that was premium in our business

But killers, in the military, not only on the street, must be managed, like the time I was driving an errand and O had wanted to come along because it was along the route where he could buy good opium laced marijuana cigarettes. Coincidentally, these were commonly called ‘o-jays’ by the soldiers, rather fitting… I stopped at the small business stand on the highway between Long Binh and Saigon where O made his purchase, I’d gotten out of the truck and was checking things out when O’s eyes suddenly seemed to roll up behind his lids and come up again from below, a different person… he had pulled a 38 caliber pistol from his pocket and was about to shoot his drug dealer for short changing him when I stepped between them, pushed O’s arm holding the pistol away while making eye contact and saw recognition registering as I told him “Get in the truck O, we’re leaving…” I was not a serious pothead, just curious

O was a 50 caliber door gunner on a Bell UH-1-H model helicopter converted to a gunship, a frightening killing machine packing O’s 50 Cal, as well there was a modified XM-27 ‘mini’ gun system: a large volume, multiple barrel, high speed modern 7.62mm crew directed Gatling gun driven by an electric motor- a grenade launcher was onboard, also assorted hand grenades that could simply be dropped out of the aircraft by the crewmen (our crews flew with the doors removed), these included fragmentation and ‘white phosphorus’ grenades… a white phosphorus grenade dropped into enemy positioned using jungle canopy for cover can be especially effective in panicking and flushing targets into open space where they are easy kills. I don’t recall we were ever taught this was a war crime violating Geneva Conventions, or maybe it was not banned yet, but I doubt it would have mattered… it was about killing the armed enemy in combats and it was called ‘whatever works’

Being good killers does not come naturally to just anyone, and most of us, unlike O, had to learn. Many learned to kill by learning to hate. I recall one of my fellow soldier’s laughing about having dropped a CS (tear) gas grenade on a Buddhist funeral procession as they flew over at low level… I thought that was pretty mean but it was emotional survival to him, he had learned to hate the “Gooks” in order to feel right about killing them. He might still be maintaining his hate and emotional survival by telling war stories while drunk in a Veterans of Foreign Wars club

None of the soldiers I knew believed our political leaders godless communist enemies were ‘children of Satan’ we could indiscriminately kill, families included… that is happening now days with our special operations in Afghanistan… Our Vietnam soldiers accepted surrenders and I never knew of any murder of civilians other than the My Lai massacre and the murder I prevented. But our crews did have lots of those ‘feels right’ hate opportunities to do things like drop tear gas on outdoor weddings and funerals.. because we flew just above treetop level most of the time… in order to be a brief and fleeting target away from any unexpected enemy ground fire

Back at Vung Tau

I don’t know or cannot recall who began it. Maybe it was a soldier snapped and said “I’ll show you fuck you!” It was after dark, on a weekend. Between thirty and forty of us had not gone to town on pass because we had no money or simply did not care to. The numerous phuc uuus were especially vocal that night. Someone had found a stick and began killing the phuc uuus and the soldiers suddenly mobilized as though ordered to the attack and went on a lizard killing rampage. Flashlights were brought out. More and more killing sticks were located. It went on for maybe two or three hours, until a living phuc uuu could not be found. Lizard bodies were everywhere

If there was anything we could have learned in Vietnam, it is: even the lizards were meant to hate us

The Satires

Tags Christian Taliban, corporate, extremism, Fuck You Lizards, iraq, Marijuana, neo conservative, profiteering, religious right, US military, Vietnam

Categories CIA, corruption, crime, narcotics trafficking, politics, propaganda, religion, satire, Uncategorized, war crimes

Bozo’s Handcock U Speech

May 17, 2013 //

‘Free Speech Clown’ Series

Bozo’s Handcock U Speech

(A theory of proto-Anglo-Saxon-chauvinism)

Bozo L’Dodo, past Valedictorian, was to deliver the introductory address for this year’s Handcock U commencement and his theme ‘The Inspired Republican Illuminati: Our Anglo-Saxon Heritage’ would secure his standing as the greatest of Handcock U satirists and past Valedictorians

Bozo had chosen this topic to deflect criticism of his not having fulfilled the Handcock U forecast of becoming 43^rd President of the United States, because everyone believed the nation would be better off if he had realized this ambition for the school

Bozo was drunk, both in the composition and delivery of his masterwork address, as were the majority students who had been advised this would be the only state in which Bozo’s short oratory could be fully appreciated. Handcock U’s president attended absolutely stoned on his wife’s Prozac, dreading the coming moment

Bozo, teetering only slightly, after-all, he had been dead drunk for the near entirety of his life and was quite enabled of his condition, began:

My beloved brethren (Bozo neglected to remember women were present, the cause of his alimony payments which he had never understood)

Follows here a fanciful exam of the source of our American behaviors and American Republican closet morality- in a historical context of our British cousins and our own America’s Royal ‘Curious George’ Bush. (The school’s president groaned)

Nearly every educated American of our generation had been psychologically nursed as a child on the wisdom of stories about Curious George, a playful, innocent monkey, but lacking the necessary brains to innately recognize or extract himself from dangerous situations. (the school’s liberals had become interested already, going against experience and every instinct)

Fortunately, or so it seemed at the time of our childhood, George was in the nominal charge of the ‘Man in the Yellow Hat’, a benevolent and wise person with great understanding of George’s nature… and yet for all of the Man in the Yellow Hat’s mis-approbation of George’s innate delinquent nature, it cannot be denied that these stories inculcated our thinking with one great flaw. Repeatedly, the Man in the Yellow Hat left George unattended- leading to multiple circumstance enraging the innocent surroundings of our very small world’s neighborhoods. In fact, George is a vandal and the Man in the Yellow Hat is his enabler. Today, we will have a look at the larger historical background of our own George and his Man in the Yellow Hat: Tony Blair

Here in the USA we speak Yank. My own traceable English ancestry migrated from London to Virginia about 1640 and in the meantime that has mixed, I am sure, with people declining Robespierre’s invitation to a party, as well the emptied jails and insane asylums of England, religious fanatics from the continent, Indians, Blacks, Mongols, and I am obviously ‘mongrel.’ But it wasn’t only noble political refugees, criminals, lunatics and fanatics that were culled from the old world, but many Yeomen as well, mixing with the other populations, creating the curious mix of our state today. I suspect that my friends ‘down under’ have a somewhat similar social biography in the world of our Aussie cousins. (the Dean of Humanities began to feel sick at his stomach)

Now what I suspect what we expatriates sometimes experience, though no fault of our own, is a deleterious genetic effect that Europe in general, and England in particular, had sought to eliminate from their ‘families.’ I carry this remarkably deleterious gene myself, and my research on the matter tentatively suggests it cannot be deleted because of perpetual hybridization in our American family, and there has been no pogrom for this gene’s elimination. For research purposes I am naming the effect of this deleterious gene “Proto Anglo-Saxon Chauvinism.” (the school’s Chancellor began to feel faint)

Now again, we all had thought this PASC gene to be largely recessive in our American population, but I think we must consider it may manifest in heretofore un-noticed behavioral traits such as my own present subconscious urge, example given, a suddenly un-suppressed desire to make a comment such as this short Address. I invite the listener to consider my words taken for a particular hand gesture of continental origin. (Bozo held up his hand with a middle finger, men chuckle and women gasp in the audience)

This gesture had been, once upon a time in Anglo-American relations, flung across the Atlantic, in both directions, and had been historically taken for ‘rudery’

Now in our American population, we had thought the PASC gene (and source of this behavior) to be largely benign, excepting in the Republican party where it is concentrated to an unhealthy degree in this political pseudo nobility, the American Tories. Here, it is noticed in the American PASC Republicans who are ashamed of their ‘doodles’, normally which they only ‘yank’ in the dark, and claim they never ‘yank’ out of context. (Senator Larry Craig turns beet red and the Handcock U president puts his face in his hands)

This bears a bit of explanation. Versed a bit in the American experience relating to our Anglo Saxon heritage and the ‘divorce’, there are historical examples of general insults, inevitably intended, with some exceptions, this shouldn’t ever result in fisticuffs, but sometimes has between friends and brothers, with a bit of liberty and license. (the British interest in the audience perked up)

In so far as these insults go, there was one delivered a couple of centuries and a score years ago in the vicinity of Yorktown, Virginia, a small ditty of British origin, composed by a campfire in the army of His Majesty, adopted by my countrymen, and that is ‘Yankee Doodle.’ I do believe that a close scrutiny of the song by the science of etymology must reveal ‘yank e’ doodle’, the precise original term, is 18th century cockney or equivalent dialect, refering to the manipulation of a peculiar bodily part- hence the terms ‘yank’ and ‘yankee.’ (Stunned silence in the largely American attendees, the few British sniggered)

Probably the context of the Americans adopting the sobriquet was made in the heat of fraternal dispute, proposed example given, ‘and if we can whip you who named us that, what does that say about you?’ (A single drunken whoop from a Texas Cowboy alumnus, the British chuckles were over)

But we all went on to patch things up, and out of purely good and manly sportsmanship, us ‘Yanks’ kept the name and became endeared of it, despite the dangers of embarrassment to our progeny. (The British are suddenly interested again)

There does seem to be a bit of national amnesia concerning the origin of the term, but who hasn’t heard of the New York Yankees? In our modern idiom they would be called the Manhattan Masturbators (rousing cheers from this west coast school’s Oakland Athletics fan base, the British laughing out loud)

At any rate, all of us hybridized American folk have had to learn to get along despite the presence of ‘proto Anglo-Saxon chauvinism’, and so it is just sort of lurking there, a characteristic of our ‘family.’ It must be my own mark of the gene that fails to see any serious impropriety in these remarks, but in fact I am disturbed by Tory and Republican behaviors, these progenitors of ‘Yankee’ behavior. (Bozo’s alumni classmates, on this cue, raise a ‘Students for a Democratic Society’ banner, the British delegation is split)

Now, I am not privy to any modern research concerning the deleterious PASC gene in the old world and whether the efforts to eliminate it were entirely successful, and I am not familiar with the norms of behavior there, but I would caution my Royal Old World cousins not to breed too closely, if this is what was intimated when Mr Mitterand noted Maggie Thatcher had “the eyes of Caligula.” (San Francisco’s British consular delegation walks out)

Before I am subject to medieval justice and suffer the fate of Guy Fawkes, consider this bit of oratory in the tradition of Punch & Judy and might not intemperate replies from a particular quarter make the case that these beloved characters (whom Americans might well embrace) are expatriates as well. (The British having left, no one understood this line)

Well, here, plainly stated, is an American polled by pundits, strongly suspecting Curious George Bush is an Anglophile (does he truly love Tony Blair?) and I cannot help but infer that the whole world has noticed and is prepared to conclude the Americans cannot help but ‘yank’ another’s ‘doodle’ when they should better keep their hands to themselves. (drunken male crowd roars, outraged women are leaving in droves)

But consider first the primary party responsible for our ‘Yankee’ makeup, and please, only then consider our character. (drunk Log Cabin Republicans have been shouting Hallelujah Brother!!)

And I beg my Anglo cousins, whether Proto Anglo Saxon Chauvinism survives in Merry Old England or not, do bring Curious George Bush home to be Tony Blair’s ‘retirement’ butler, and ‘We the People’ will happily keep our sobriquet ‘Yank’, dubiously renewed in the eyes of your American cousin by our Commander in Chief in concert with your own, whom in tandum have, whilst whistling our glorious tune, Yanked their Doodles out of context worldwide! (Wild cheering, standing ovation)

And thanks for NOTHING England!!” (Bozo ends in Richard Nixon’s famous pose while shouting the Handcock U ‘Fighting Chicken’ sport slogan ‘Cock a Doodle Do!!’ pelvic thrusting with raised middle fingers rather than victory signs)

Commencement did not proceed beyond Bozo’s speech because the ‘Fighting Chicken’ male student body rioted, erupted from the hall and took the occasion to tear down the school goal posts. Women who hadn’t the sense to leave earlier were raped. Handcock U’s president resigned and the school Chancellor committed suicide. Diplomas were put in the mail. Bozo’s fame grew…

The Satires

A former Special Forces Sergeant of Operations and Intelligence, Ronald Thomas West is a retired paralegal/investigator (living in exile) whose work focus had been anti-corruption and human rights. Ronald is published in International Law as a layman (The Mueller-Wilson Report, co-authored with Dr Mark D Cole) and has been adjunct professor of American Constitutional Law at Johannes Gutenberg University, Mainz, Germany (for English credit, summer semester 2008.) Ronald’s formal educational background is primarily social psychology. His therapeutic device is satire

Tags George W Bush, homosexuality, lampoon, neo conservative, neo liberal, Tony Blair

Categories crime, culture, male hierarchy, philosophy, psychology, satire, social responsibility, treason, Uncategorized

Life’s Little Surprises

May 13, 2013 //

Written at Wiesbaden, Germany, Summer of 2008 –

I went to the university to see my classroom for the first time, visit with my boss in the law department and check on some important protocols, i.e., would a self educated Honky raised Indian in the Rocky Mountains, be thrown out of a university in Europe for basically being himself. A matter of personality.

As I entered the law department and traversed the halls to the department chair’s office, this new Professor Witch-Doctor garnered stunned looks of disbelief from the rather straight looking lawyer academic males and friendly laughs from the women, I wondered what that said about my new life in academia.

I have known my boss for years, relating to past human rights and international law work, as an investigator in Indian country, and in his office I have questions relevant to current affairs. This is in regards to my stand-up comedian nature and my new professorship; will I be able to make the point to my students the name of the law professor who composed the Bush administration memos authorizing torture had inspired a change in the spelling of the English language expression ‘Fuck Yoo’

Also, I established I do not own a tie and was not about to acquire one. I believe the tactful language I had used in negotiating this important parameter was “I don’t believe I could manage a tie.” I was duly assured casual clothes would be fine, after-all, I am Professor Witch-Doctor Ron, having never subjected myself to PhD imprisonment in any ivory tower.

In the Native world, life’s little surprises are ascribed to The Trickster, and when we encounter these events, we are supposed to pay attention because life is trying to tell us something. Such as the time I had been wandering about the Arizona desert, and picked up a Horned Toad for a pet to give to a child. I slipped the creature into my jacket pocket and it had already slipped my mind by the time the day warmed up and I tossed the jacket into the back of my car and forgot about it for a week.

Subsequently, I was driving down a desert road and my heart nearly blew its way out the top of my head when some flat, cold scaly alien about the size of a tea saucer suddenly was attached to the right side of my neck. With the missed photo opportunity of a lifetime, the look on my face I am sure, I grasped the horned toad and pulled it free of my neck and into my line of vision and started to laugh somewhat insanely.

I stopped, walked the creature back into the desert apologizing profusely and set it free. Life had just told me in a moment of unfounded terror, to leave Horned Toads alone. In the Native view, even such a small and harmless creature has real power.

These many years later, I’d gotten to be the Horned Toad.

On my way to university appointment, I spryly hopped onto an escalator at the train station, and was quickly sandwiched in by people front and back and noticed the little woman in a nun habit standing next to me. She was staring at the new Professor Witch-Doctor with an expression indicating if she could leap off a twenty story building to escape me, there would be no hesitation… my camoflage bandanna and shades can do that? I had forgot… I looked down at my t-shirt with a cameo portrait of the devil and the name “Mephisto”

I did not wink at her (Oh, the temptation was great) but merely wondered at people who are prisoners of fear… with my life dedicated to peace and non-violence (not to mention free expression)

In student emails to me after the course was completed; “you showed me there is more than one way to learn at university”, “I’d take your class again just for fun!” and my favorite “your class was so refreshing after all of the suited and stiffed up law professors.”

These students are the truly bright minds

I suppose when I have survived life’s present international intrigue and achieve fame, perhaps the university could consider awarding me a honorary witch-doctorate of satire in letters and law, and I will enjoy teaching again-

A true story based on my summer semester (2008) adjunct professorship at Johannes Gutenberg School of Law (Mainz, Germany)

The Satires

Tags 2008, adjunct professor, American Basic Law course, constitutional law, Johannes Guttenberg University, Law School, Mephisto, Ronald Thomas West, University Mainz

Categories Author, comedy, culture, international law, Law, politics, satire, SCOTUS, shamanism, social responsibility, Uncategorized

Democracy Now!

May 12, 2013 //

This particularly brutal piece is a composite lampoon of three persons, Robert Greenwald, Glenn Greenwald and Glenn Beck, rolled into one fictitious character: Glenn Beckwald:

Democracy Now!

Flamey Prudeman: Today we interview Glenn Beckwald of the peace advocacy organization ‘Re-Weinerize Liberacestan‘ on the Obama administration’s gay foreign policy and the war in Liberacestan. Glenn has been the most effective liberal anti-war shill or, alternately, accused of being the most effective possible shill for the witch hunting, child torturing, closet-gay neo-con/neo- liberal, altogether gay agenda, when it comes to the closet gays exercising impunity in the public eye; a necessary propaganda ploy in our closet homosexual nationalist culture, to make certain people feel by merely donating, rather than demonstrating in the streets, they are doing more than wringing their hands and shedding a tear or two, to fight the fascist-closet-gay agenda.

DN: It has been stated the liberal openly gay agenda you promote has in fact propped up the neo-con closet gay agenda you oppose, or restated, all things being equally gay in our interventionist policies, the closet gays’ claim transparency is a threat to National Security, and this is the gay issue which most turns you on. How do you respond to that?

Beckwald: Flamey, nothing could be further from the truth. The closet gays suffer immense moral turpitude and for anyone to claim my open ‘gayness’ could in any way prop up the closet gay agenda is simple non-sense. The only healthy culture is an openly gay culture, and I’ve not heard any credible gay sources claim ‘in the closet’ is a good thing. Herein lie the problem: until the closet gays are outed, and these most insidious of National Security secrets are revealed, our nation’s policies will be dishonest. A national security policy kept in the closet is not a healthy national security. It’s simply not possible for my openly gay position to prop up the closet gay agenda.

DN: Bacha Bazi, also known as bacchá, is sexual slavery and child prostitution, in which prepubescent and adolescent boys are sold to wealthy or powerful men for entertainment and sexual activities. This business thrives in Liberacestan, in fact our military aid has put many of these boys into Liberace army mascot uniforms. Some of the individuals involved report being forced into sex. The authorities have been reluctant to crack down on the practice by military commanders. Your organization ‘Re-weinerize Liberacestan’ has made this a ‘seminal issue’ by demanding the boys be volunteers, paid equitably, and the pedophile commanders come out of the closet and demonstrate authentic gay pride, by legitimizing their homosexual child concubines with legal same sex partnerships. This should temper the exploitation of these children, correct?

Beckwald: Absolutely Flamey. This is a cornerstone of ‘Re-weinerize Liberacestan’ policy, to raise awareness and impart democratic values to what has been to now a hopelessly backwards culture. The sooner the closet gay commanders become comfortable with their sexuality in public, we all can begin to kiss and make up, the Taliban commanders, American neo-con generals and Karzai’s war lords can all find common ground. Male sexuality is SO misunderstood and when repressed it leads to ALL sorts of malevolent behaviors which manifest as being SO angry. The sooner Liberacestan is openly gay, there will be no need for wars, we will have created heaven on earth, heck, I might live part time there!

DN: Recently in Philadelphia, three priests and a teacher were charged with raping boys. Their supervisor, Monsignor William Lynn, was not accused of molesting children but of endangering them. A damning grand jury report said at least two boys were sexually assaulted because he put two known pedophiles in posts where they had contact with youngsters. Comparatively speaking, is there not a conflict, to describe Liberacestan’s homosexual pedophile culture as backwards? It’s not like this is some isolated incident in Western culture.

Beckwald: Flamey, this is not only a crass intrusion on Church affairs in violation of the wall between church and state, this is a nature versus nurture thing. Without openly nurturing homosexuality in children, how would the misogynist western culture’s males ever be able to express their true sexuality without hate and consequent wars? Homosexual pedophilia should be decriminalized, otherwise we must criminalize ALL male hierarchal order based in masculine narcissism, and all associated Judeo-Christian derived misogynist/homosexual religions which are behind aggression and war. You know I live in Brazil, where these problems don’t crop up for the Catholic Church and there is a wide open gay culture where it is SO easy to find and live openly with your male same sex partner. When pedophilia is decriminalized, the Church as well, will be free to come out of the closet, stop inspiring torture, inciting wars, et cetera and the Opus Dei and Pius X societies will surrender its fascism for free love with children. This is why ‘Re-weinerize Liberacestan’ is in the forefront of the fight against fascism with raising national awareness of how Bacha Bazi could be a force for peace and why it should come into the American public eye. The sooner we legitimize these boys sexually comforting the closet gays in American minds, including our neo-con generals, the sooner there can be peace. This should be a prioritized focus of the USAID programs in Liberacestan, it would be so much better more American tax dollars are stolen from there, than current expenditures on CIA drone missiles fed bad targeting information through closet gay mercenary contractors like Iran-Contra associated criminal Michael Furlong at Strategic Command, resulting in murdering entire families.

DN: ‘Re-weinerize Liberacestan’ associated experts express a sentiment we should be very gentle in liberating the closet gays. Is this why you’ve not gone after the individual generals with your resources, those generals involved in crime personally, hands on? For example Colonel Ann Wright has documented numerous cases of raped and murdered American women soldiers who’d the misfortune to be assigned to corrupt commands in Iraq, including rape and murders of women assigned directly to General Petreaus command. Why not help Colonel Wright on this issue with your tremendous organizational resources? Why not go after the individual commanders and push these identifiable corruption associated rapes and murders that can be tied to top commanders into the public eye and mainstream news? Or for that matter, the epidemic rape of our women soldiers overall? Wouldn’t this be a powerful tool to get a real examination of the war on track and public outrage demanding answers and the wars shut down?

Beckwald: Many liberals don’t understand how these things must be finessed, Flamey. Yes, we must be very gentle liberating the closet gays, because as soon as we start naming names to specific crimes, the closet gays

become paranoid and come after us. Just more violence and you know that it is the violence we are against. Especially violence against us. For instance, we are perfectly aware specific war crimes can be tied to specific closet gay commanders in Liberacestan, but if we push neo-con “C Street” associated individuals like Generals Petraeus, McChrystal and Odinero into the spotlight, the chances of them ever coming out of the closet on their own, as gentle and beautiful, openly gay people, are practically nil.

The Satires

Tags Afghanistan, Amy Goodman, Bacha Bazi, closet, Democracy Now, gay, General David Patraeus, Glen Beck, homosexual, neocon, peace, pedophilia, Robert Greenwald, war

Categories CIA, corruption, crime, information operations, male hierarchy, politics, propaganda, satire, Uncategorized, war crimes

The Pachuco Stare Decisis

May 11, 2013 //

‘Free Speech Clown’ Series

A background in study of American law and politics would be helpful to fully appreciate this satire. Dedicated to SCOTUS (Supreme Court Of The United States) which would be better called SCROTUM (of the corporate wealthy)

A Pachuco Named Stare Decisis

Supreme Court Chief Justice John Roberts, Chairman of the Federalist Society steering committee, was smarting from the victory for Stare Decisis and Obama in the ‘birther’ case of (sy)Phyllis Schafly v B.O. Now, at the steering committee’s next meeting, Robert’s proposed to eradicate Stare Decisis from the face of the earth. Steering committee member Dick Cheney outlined a plan. The strategy began with inviting Stare Decisis to address the society at the time of Decisis’ being awarded society membership for opening viewpoints strengthening diversity of opinion.

Stare began his society speech with atypical humility, but this humbleness, of course, could not be sustained. Stare’s Mescal damaged frat brain, grounded in the Handcock U School of Law satire tradition, forcefully shoved down the throats of all affirmative action admissions, determined he would after-all, present in style, little suspecting any possible thing could be wrong…

August members of the Federalist Society, I propose I’m least among many deserving of this award and, with this thought, I begin the evening’s presentation with a few short citations of those more deserving than myself. Please consider my following nominations for a new category of awards, the “I Knew It Was Wrong But Thought It Was Legal” Boner Awards.

My secular hero, Roger Cohen, a man I’d extolled in glory for his courageous stance as a Jew pointing to our Israel policy as a disaster, has ‘pulled a boner’ [exhibited extreme male cowardice] by jumping on Obama’s ‘don’t prosecute for torture’ bandwagon…

Roger needs a lesson in what the term “Rule of Law” is all about, and the idea constitutions make presidents, not vice versa, meaning our constitution informs Obama how things are going to be, and I will simply add to that, a Writ of Mandamus is a court ordering public officials [could possibly include a president as military commander-in-chief and most certainly any attorney general] to carry out their constitutional duties to enforce the rule of law and it is a huge embarrassment to American democracy when that particular legal weapon must be employed… second only to a consent decree… thought I’d note that before I consigned Roger to the booby hatch of legal ignominy with the distinct sound of a flush… bye-bye Roger… (Roger might crawl his way out of the sewer if he stays away from the ‘I knew it was wrong but thought it was legal’ sewage of Anglo-Saxon law, good lawyer joke, eh? Law Ignoramus award…

FBI man Ali Soufan’s “Tortured Decision” editorial, in which he puts on his adopted country’s liberal-bleeding-White-heart sheepskin, admits keeping his mouth shut for seven years and only now speaks out because of the water-boarding torture memos release… Soufan reveals there is more as yet unclassified memos… think about it. This is the FBI concealing crime for seven years and STILL CONCEALING EVIDENCE OF CRIME… enough on this bit before I aspirate my puke… a sort of self-simulated drowning… Soufan earns torturer/traitor/coward awards combined…

Renown ‘civil liberties’ lawyer Harvey Silvergate argues against torture prosecutions, claiming they will make bad law, he appears to rationalize/justify “terror and pain” short of “disfigurement and death”, making the case that Bush did not go as far as the Nazis, so it doesn’t seem so bad… now, going to his legal ignorance on top of his criminal ethics… his idea that; because the torturers supposedly did not know what they were doing was illegal on account of the [fuck] ‘Yoo Principle’ legal memos, they cannot be charged under our Anglo-Saxon laws heritage requiring criminal intent… sorry Harvey but you get the law proverb “a man who represents himself [in his editorial] has a fool for an attorney” award…

Because Harvey ‘nincompoop’ Silvergate goes on to mention the case of the Nazi trials where Americans at Nuremburg convicted people for crimes that seemed perfectly legal in a criminal regime, going to the primal International Law principle “no nation may go against it’s own acts”, also known as, ‘what is good for the goose is good for the gander’… more to this point, we convicted Japanese of war crimes for waterboarding, perfectly fitting this International Law rule which now consequently holds our own people accountable despite the Anglo-Saxon ‘I knew it was wrong but thought it was legal’ principle of law which is now history, past, had been, was the case, in fact legally dead in cases like this, because of the precedent we set for ourselves in the prosecution of others… additionally, under ‘the Silvergate nincompoop rationale’, a certain Nazi camp guard following orders in his assigned duties likely could not have been recently deported to Germany to face criminal charge. Silvergate also earns a Nincompoop award…

Nancy Pelosi admits she knew the Bush administration was spying on (wiretapping) Rep Jane Harman and kept the treasonous secret (for the Bush people), from Harman, notice none of these people ever takes responsibility or shows courage? Pelosi: “I was not allowed to tell [Harman]“ .. so, what was to stop Pelosi telling the entire congress from her podium except cowardice? Pelosi awarded torturers trash the 4th amendment AND friendship ‘Judas’ special award…

Obama Treasury Secretary Timothy ‘get out of jail free’ Geithner meets with President of Switzerland Hans Merz in apparent negotiations to excuse the Swiss bank UBS from having to fork over the names of 52,000 wealthy American tax cheats with secret Swiss accounts… anybody up for a game of “Monopoly?” Timothy just drew what should be a “Go to Jail” card… as he is giving out “Get out of Jail free” cards. Can’t be torturing the wealthy tax cheats with prosecutions… Torturer administration’s Equal protection clause Traitor award…

Robert Gates’ fundamentalist Christian led military had been flaunting the legally binding security agreement Bush made with Iraq, conducting multiple illegal raids, killing and kidnapping Iraqi innocents… several operations had been busted by the Iraqi government, the USA admits a ‘mistake’, the abductees had to be set free… the USA’s ‘Campus Crusade for Christ’ had been intensively continued on the Iraqi front, not only escalated in Afghanistan, under Christian Dominion Central Command’s General ‘Tortures for Jesus’ Patreaus… who’d just as soon kill as torture. Federal death penalty eligible treason award…

Harper’s Magazine cover story “Jesus killed Mohammed” is out, detailing Robert ‘tonton macoutes’ Gates’ Christian military’s religion inspired hate crime against Islam, Jews, Blacks, Women, kids, cartoons and the author of this speech, but particularly noting constitutional law professor Obama, who swore on Abraham Lincoln’s Bible to uphold our constitution and enforce our laws, has abdicated taking on the constitutional crimes against separation of church and state in our military in his role as our commander-in-chief… meanwhile Obama is photographed in the International Herald Tribune together with Gates, evoking Tammy Wynette… “Stand by your man… give him two arms to cling to…” prior to allowng Gates to retire un-prosecuted. Loving Christians torture of Muslims for Jesus award…

Former Attorney General Robert Kennedy had written a legal memo recommending lifting the travel ban to Cuba, noting the travel ban was unconstitutional, he was correct, American’s have a right to freely associate and travel, he was over-ruled by our torturing CIA infested Department of State which kept his memo classified as a state secret for 46 years… State Department gets a corporate service tortured law and treason award [unit citation]

New York Times columnist Roger Cohen takes a stride out of the cesspool of Anglo-Saxon law and the ‘I knew it was wrong but thought it was legal’ no criminal intent defense, by continuing to write on other subjects, maybe soon he will have access to a shower and change of clothes… in his editorial ‘Of loos and language’ (in almost excellent ‘dry’ British humor, yuck) Roger points out the most notable difference between Bush and Obama to now is, it would appear Obama can actually speak English… Kudos Roger!! Of course Roger’s title for his editorial could easily be pointed to this speech, no problem, ‘we’ (you know, the British royal use of ‘we’, as in I admit I’m being a royal asshole) welcome ratings, my noting here Roger had pointed out he’d begun his journey out of the Anglo-Saxon ‘loo of law’ with a key title word in a previous editorial: ‘pirouette’…

A Spanish judge has opened the fourth investigation in Spain going to Bush administration torture… two of the investigations had been previously dismissed or shelved, either for lack of evidence or because of political pressures from the USA. The two investigations opened since Obama taking office are now ongoing, the weaker one previous to this most recent had been opposed by Obama and the USA who have pressured Spain, and this new investigation poses the largest threat yet to his administrations ongoing ‘I knew it was wrong but thought it was legal’ [fuck] ‘Yoo principle’ attempts to give the Bush people and his CIA criminals a get out of jail free card… the judge: “an authorized and systematic plan of torture and abuse of people stripped of liberty, without charges and denied the basic rights afforded detainees” and the court will “seek personal responsibility in the different structures of execution, direction and design and authorization for this systematic torture plan” which of course upon the judicial investigations completion I predict must include American leaders I will name in this presentation, not only Bush and cronies but notably Nancy Pelosi… Obama given a treasonous torturing coward’s campaign star for having opposed these efforts…

Russia is retiring 23,000 military officers in a force ‘modernization’ reorganization, a course of action I highly recommend to Commander-in-Chief Obama (Torquemada?) who should have already dumped the 19,000 USA armed forces officers belonging to the Byzantine Pentagon’s ‘Officer’s Christian Fellowship” that actually believe if you are not a fundamentalist Christian, every motivation you have, no matter how noble, is a subversion of humanity “spearheaded by Satan”- torturers holy inquisition resurrection award…

The cognitive dissonance of a case dismissed at our Justice Department’s prosecutors request… some lobbyists for Israel that probably really deserve to go to jail for treason (espionage) can’t be prosecuted because the judge refused to go along with some of the prosecutions demands for state secrecy in evidence… now our crooks can get off the hook by demanding typical evidence discovery rights of defendants, something judges rightly should not deny, with defendant likely knowing there are so many worms in this particular case’s can of ‘justice’, the Justice Department dare not produce the can… our tortures the law Justice Department gets a treasonous ‘can of worms’ award…

Retired British spook gets it, MI6 man Alastair Crooke (are all financiers are in some sense crooks?, Crooke was a banker who left the industry because he did not like the greed before he was a spy), founded “Conflicts Forum” which seeks to establish the validity of opposing points of view for adversaries so they can honestly negotiate instead of “talking past each other.” Brilliant!! Now, to the disturbing thought his ‘Conflicts Forum’ raised when I read the article and discovered it includes “former spies, diplomats and peace activists…” is the reporter/writer a moron or did he actually mean “former peace activists”… (context, dude, should have been ‘peace activists, diplomats and former spies, although ‘diplomat’ and spy’ are synonyms… journalism’s moron award, but bringing to mind:

One of our human rights organizations has been staffed by CIA in executive position, information I could be arrested and jailed for if I were to go so far as revealing ‘state secret’ identities… who are your CIA? Think about it. These are highly educated people who do 20 years or 30 years and retire to a sailboat or second job or both, depending on the USA retirement plan. Meanwhile, in the operational sector, they chill out under cover when not needed or even use straight jobs AS their cover. Not just a few of them are highly paid professional assassins. They are your diplomats, corporate board members, lawyers, educators (the pretty much out of the closet Rice/Chevron/Hoover Institute/Yoo/Stanford relationship can be seen), cops, FBI agents, pastors, human rights executives and journalists (that is just SO wrong), military officers, diverse corporate executives and employees, doctors, etcetera, normal seeming people afforded frequent vacations or travel often relating to their work… all cover for CIA. This criminal organization penetrates every aspect of society and should be disbanded, as easy as shutting off their (international narcotics trafficking sourced) money… Amnesty International earns the ‘we declined to meet with Ronald West and rather wish he was dead’ human rights front for intelligence agencies award…

Hillary goes to press saying “I loved my job” which actually can only mean ‘I loved jobbing the millions of women who voted for me on social issues’, reiterating Hillary could have had any cabinet position she liked but chose one far away from any reality of insuring honest (single payer?) health care reform or putting forward an American ‘women’s rights’ stamp on this administration… rather burning women alive around the globe with ‘humanitarian’ interventions. Woman Judas award…

My buddy Roger Cohen at the New York Times reads the Harper’s Magazine article “Jesus Killed Mohammed”, poops his pants and pirouettes on his honest column of the previous week accurately depicting Obama as differing from Bush only in the fact Obama can actually speak English… now Roger does journalistic fellatio on Obama’s foreign policy, ‘dripping’ praise for Obama’s differing approach contrasted to the factual “War on Islam” … neglecting to note the Harper’s article and Obama’s callow inability to take on the Pentagon’s religious extremist generals… in which case the Bush/religious-right “War on Islam” actually continues as a Obama policy… Bozo Boner award to Roger [male cowardice]

Roger returns to sensibility, on Israeli dishonesty dealing with peace in the middle east, recovering the pseudo of his manhood, but from here out I am going with Maureen Dowd over Roger’s PMS and mood swings, you just can’t know what to expect from Roger, I’ve been checking out Maureen and she is HOT! A better writer altogether, she has superior courage and took up the theme Roger had abandoned in his panic attack, Maureen, in her much more direct editorial “Cheney grabs a 3rd term” writes how it appears Cheney and Rumsfeld are making policy for their “boy toy” Obama (good one) Maureen Dowd earns a beauty, courage and truth award…

Hamas leader Khalid Meshal on Obama: “His language is different and positive” earns Meshal a honorable mention ‘a sucker is born every minute’ award (by now Meshal has to realize this)

Meshal (who the Obama administration will not include in any mid-east peace process at the insistence of Israel) and Ronald West share the dubious distinction of having survived bungled intelligence service assassination attempts, Meshal poisoned by MOSSAD on the orders of the Israeli prime minister Netanyahu.. multiple attempts on West on the orders of the MOSSAD/CIA/Department of Defense combined ‘the enemy of my enemy is my friend’ rogue intelligence agents ‘in the service of our religious extremist super-friends alliance’… MOSSAD/CIA/religious extremist super-friends alliance earn a Corporate-Star-Chamber/Curia-Borgia bungler assassins award…

“As long as they don’t exclude any option, let the United States select the order of things,” Nobel Peace Prize winner/Israeli President Shimon Peres states while dictating terms it’s banana republic USA may employ in exploring any relationship with Iran… Peres making the point a bombing Iran “option” belongs to the USA first and then Israel will start the war the USA will have to fight [with an American army on the flank of Iran] if the Americans won’t blow up the ayatollahs… after an Israeli dictated ‘what the USA policies will be’ meeting on nuclear weapons with Obama and we all know Israel will be using American weapons and money and any Israeli attack would be no different that the USA initiating hostilities from Iran and the entire Islamic world’s point of view- Nobel Peace Prize selection committee gets ‘pulled a boner’ award [made a stupid mistake]

USA hog farming giant Smithfield Corporation murders ‘Wilber’ of Charlottes Web, since they have moved into Romania, Smithfield has run roughshod over environmental laws ill equipped to deal with the new mega-hog’s super-barns… as well in a mere decade they had driven the number of Romanian small pig operations from half a million to less than fifty thousand… with the impact felt as far away as African pig farmers who cannot compete with the sharp and sudden influx of cheap pork. Shareholders swine flu off-shore-tax-haven award, meanwhile, speaking of some real pigs:

The United States Air Force ‘open fly’ boys, piloting bombers sporting JESUS SAVES logos on their ‘cock’pits, shred scores of kids and women in Afghanistan, like Mickey Mouse taking on 7 giants at a single ‘blow’, AGAIN… even as the Pentagon’s religious extremist generals are busted by Al Jeezera TV for lying about concerted effort in command structure promoting Christian proselytizing of Afghans… led by the U.S. Army Chaplains and fundamentalist friends working on saving the souls of those Muslim “children of Satan” in a military that consequently blows the idea ‘Jesus loves the little children’ to bits with air strikes when the kids say ‘no thanks’…

Now, considering United States had planned, authorized and implemented torture, violating treaties we are signed to (never mind just how creepy that is) and that torture will now be altogether excused by our Department of ‘Just Us’ fundamentalist Christians, no problem with the cover-up and denial of the USA’s ‘holy war’ crime that goes on, eh Commander-in-Chief Obama? Any guess why the Afghans might prefer the theology of the Taliban to the ‘liberation’ theology of your military?? Commander-in-Chief Obama gets a ‘I’m still standing behind my Christian Crusaders’ war crimes award…

It’s come back to ‘I knew it was wrong but thought it was legal’ no criminal intent Anglo-Saxon law at Attorney General Holder’s Justice department… where water-boarding is torture but there is no crime involved… The Department of Justice, investigating itself, the same method the Israeli and American militaries use to insure they cannot discover evidence of war crimes or religious extremists and hate crime that exist in it’s ranks… the Justice Department internal inquiry draft report found ‘lapses but no crimes’ relating to the people preparing the ‘torture is legal’ memos, Obama’s Justice Department is determined EVERYONE will get off the hook, includes those who systematically planned, authorized, and implemented war crimes in the treatment of captives… welcome to the United States of Mugabe, Robert ‘tonton macoutes’ Gates’ led CIA in the service of Godfather George H.W. Bush family’s criminal-syndicate-secret-government in charge, all of Gates’ harem ‘boys’ curtsey to their polyandrous spouse… Gates: earns a Bugs Bunny in drag ‘gay wabbit’ award (that is a cruel rabbit, just ask Elmer Fudd)

‘dark queen’ Condoleezza (mirror, mirror on the wall) tells a student at a forum torture is: “legal by definition, if the president authorizes it”, and you just have to wonder at the Israeli philosophy of ‘the enemy of my enemy is my friend’ because theirs has become a case of ‘with friends like these, who needs enemies?’ It is likely gonna be déjà vu for American Jews, not only the Jews in Israel, the AIPAC initiated American knee-jerk support for Israeli policy, no matter how self destructive, is looking more and more like a case of the chickens headed home to roost when these “perfected in God’s sight Jews” [Ann Coulter, citing St Paul] fundamentalist Christians’ coup is complete and the “Christ killers” [the U.S. military’s Officer’s Christian Fellowship ‘passion’ theology sobriquet for Jews] are told on ‘the water-board’ to convert because Mel Gibson’s Latin ‘rite’ wing Pius X “pray for the Jews” is back in vogue at Rome where water-boarding makes sense, because the church can save the Amazon this way, which a recent Pope had said is equally important to saving the world from homosexuals, rather than waste wood burning the Gays, Jews, Secular Humanists, Witches, women generally, kids that don’t behave, especially alter boys that talk, people who sue the church.. Condoleezza awarded the ‘president authorized it’ ‘Gangrene Heart’ lapel pin…

Another spook gets it, ex-CIA Kabul (Afghanistan) station chief Graham Fuller writes the 40 million ethnic Pashtun divided between Pakistan and Afghanistan are turning to the Taliban more as an expression of Pashtun power and independence under pressure from American military policy of “drone bombings and assassinations” rather than any great love for Taliban politics… pointing out “Pashtun are among the most fiercely nationalist, tribalized and xenophobic peoples of the world.” Obama must only read the Chevron’s Center for Strategic Studies General James ‘the reverend jim’ Jones and ‘dark queen’ Condoleezza’s briefing papers … while negotiating to keep nine military bases in Afghanistan, when actually Obama needs to think about the modern day number of FORTY MILLION of the same Pashtun people Alexander the Great could not defeat with superior weapons and training, and since Alexander had failed, no one has ever defeated the Pashtun, Soviet Union included… Fuller wins a rehabilitation to truth award, a rare honor for CIA:

Speaking of CIA “drone bombings and assassinations”, I’d neglected to mention awhile back the Zirdari photo in the New York Times, Zirdari grinning like the cat that ate the canary with his wife out of the way, flanked by photos of Benazir Bhutto as though those photos were feathers of a bird clinging to the corners of his mouth… Zirdari had sucked up to the CIA in ways Benazir never would have… Zirdari wins a ‘sucks up to the CIA at any price to bring me to power’ award…

Obama’s former National Security Advisor, Chevron poster child General James ‘the reverend jim’ Jones, continues useing the national ‘prayer breakfast’ circuit to praise the Pentagon air strikes that kill scores of kids and their moms… “we can’t fight with one hand tied behind our back”… gee, he just admitted we can’t nearly as effectively kill kids and women without air strikes… meanwhile our ‘Campus Crusade jihad for Jesus’ Pentagon had appointed a “one star general” to ‘study’ the air strike massacres “problem”, you know ‘one star’ only has to please fellow Christian extremist generals and ‘one star’ will become two… while a Pope who had rehabilitated the anti-Semitic extremist ‘passion for pius x’ calls for tolerance even as the ‘passion’ inspired American special operations generate holy war… as the Bush family criminal syndicate’s commander-in-chief Robert ‘tonton macoutes’ Gates had engineered a major revamp of our military to beef up those very special operations forces which are ideal for committing war crimes under cover… Bonanza of torturing Bozos award…

Constitutional law professor Obama takes the coward’s moral midget road and moves to block the release of war crimes photos ordered released by TWO courts, on behalf of his recent bosom buddy, the war criminal Defense Secretary Robert Gates, oblivious to the ONLY means of defusing holy war with the Muslim world which is: to come clean and prosecute… while the New York Times reporters continue to suck up to the incompetence in Afghanistan, writing on the war as though it were not yet the total fiasco it is, giving the war credence by quoting generals who make an un-winnable war even more un-winnable than necessary… no one is asking the hard questions, ignoring how to win peace, like clearing out the religious extremism… meanwhile Congress “grumbles” as it prepares to ante up the hundreds of billions upon wasted trillions to keep it all going downhill… cluster of tortured boners award…

The homophobic Boy Scouts of America’s “Explorer Scouts”, some as young as 14, are given anti-terror SWAT training by police who have to take online anti-sexual abuse courses, as though that would stop a pedophile, on account of past civil and criminal cases concerning police sexual abuse of the Explorer Scouts… Boy Scouts earn a closet-pedophile ‘don’t ask, don’t tell’ award…

Supreme Court Justice Scalia says he does not believe in legislative intent… now I really hate to spill scalding coffee on the bulge in Scalia’s lap, but if this is the case as he states, Scalia has a problem. There is this ‘thing’ in our Constitution called “un-enumerated rights” and if Scalia can only read the language of the law itself without taking into account the legislative intent, those “un-enumerated rights” must be forever “un-enumerated” in which case they can never be “rights”… congress sent an idiot to the bench award…

Sociopath CIA Officer Sabrina De Sousa is wanted in Italy for kidnap and delivery to torture… this dufus 57-year-old-4-year-old-in-denial sues the USA for diplomatic immunity she is not eligible for in her former consular work (lawyers will try anything for money, in this case the dufus Sabrina’s money), denying she was a CIA agent, the case draws the media’s attention and they of course go to their sources who are also CIA and the sources blow it for her by saying Sabrina is CIA… HOW STUPID WAS THAT SABRINA? The interesting thing here is the State Department (Sabrina’s cover) sources saying they had been trying to get the Italian case involving Sabrina shut down, hell yes, they were because this is the case where an Italian intelligence agency defendant brought out the information Condoleezza Rice was in charge of the USA’s delivery to torture program called ‘extraordinary renditions’ .. interesting, Ronald West states he recognizes Sabrina from her photo, their paths had crossed in Germany? (remarkable, a perfect stranger SMIRKS at you in Wiesbaden, duh, says Ronald) Sabrina gets CIA bungler’s award…

Which brings us back to Obama shutting down the photographic evidence of abuse by Americans ordered released by our courts… Obama’s statement (parroting the denial of Bush era) indicating isolated incidence “carried out in the past by a small number of individuals” is a bald-faced, through the teeth lie. This is Constitutional law professor Obama’s assault on the rule of law in the tradition of John [fuck] Yoo, because we know now this photographic evidence reflects only a few instance of a several agencies wide (CIA, Justice, Defense and State) program involving many hundreds of people and thousands of cases of war crimes in Iraq, Afghanistan, Guantanamo, Black Sites and proxies, which in part have been described by a judge in Spain as “an authorized and systematic plan of torture and abuse of people stripped of liberty, without charges and denied the basic rights afforded detainees” .. there is ONE WAY OUT of our war with Islam begun by Bush/Cheney, and that one way out is: GOOD FAITH PROSECUTIONS to stop the ONGOING religion motivated crimes:

NOW…. Here are the CIA briefed American leaders who approved, initiated and/or pursued carrying out the torture program. CIA briefers were then director George ‘torture’s’ Tenet and deputy director John Mc-Laugh-lin

Briefees included George ‘baby doc’ Bush, ‘big dick’ Cheney, ‘dark queen’ Condoleezza (mirror, mirror on the wall), Don ‘tin man’ Rumsfeld, and John ‘Muslims are the children of Satan’ Ashcroft, no surprises there

Colin Powell? Oops, his claim he was duped into presenting false intelligence info at the UN, justifying Iraq’s invasion, I think just turned into the kid run over by the ice cream truck-

Senate hawks Bob ‘cracker’ Grahm and Richard ‘confederate general’ Shelby, Florida and Alabama respectively, ok, perfectly straightforward right wing honkies, to be expected, no surprises there either…

Congressman Porter ‘former Director of CIA’ Goss, I’d be surprised if he had NOT been named, and whadda-ya-know:

NANCY ‘apes’ PELOSI

If ever there were a doubt Nancy suffers ‘acquired ego-priapism syndrome’, I think it is safe to say now the diagnosis has been confirmed… AEPS, pronounced APES, as in ‘apes’ cowardly male behaviors… Nancy is the surprise add to the list of war criminals the USA is obliged to prosecute according to our constitution’s ‘supremacy clause’ …“any treaty made shall be the supreme law of the land” unless of course Obama is going to jettison either our constitution or the torture treaty the USA is signed to (he jettisoned our constitution, no surprise, now that he is a guilty party himself)

So, constitutional law professor Obama, as Attorney General Holder plows through his medieval Anglo-Saxon medicine chest, looking for remedies to treat the migraine of a plausible ‘writ of mandamus’ in his forced grand jury referrals and preparation of criminal indictments under the torture treaty, did you really want to protect Pelosi from war crimes culpability like Pelosi protected Bush from impeachment (suddenly, totally understanding Pelosi was covering her own war criminal ass)

And to the question of pardons, how fortunate a person is innocent until proven guilty under the USA legal practice, meaning Obama cannot constitutionally pardon anyone prior to a trial and conviction…

House Republican leader John ‘the boner’ Boehner has described a report pointing to the dangers of right wing soldiers as a future threat to domestic security offensive and called on the government to apologize to veterans. As a veteran, I call on Representative ‘Boner’ to apologize to all Americans for the acts of our future Timothy McVeighs represented in un-prosecuted special operations war criminals being released back into our society…

My ‘I knew it was wrong but thought it was legal’ awardees, whose political lies and/or rhetorical stupidities can often be found in my blogs, in order of lie or stupidity’s magnitude: Barak Obama (to Turkish Parliament “USA is not at war with Islam”), George Bush (”People who are allowed to worship freely in society, are people who are going to be peaceful citizens” as our Christian extremist led military pursues holy war he started), Supreme Court Justice Alito (”Marauding Indians” in a firearms decision, OMG, Geronimo!), Senator Kit Bond in a Senate hearing, (”you can’t believe what you read” about CIA torture), Attorney General Eric Holder (too many to recite), Nancy Pelosi (self-serving political lies), Sarah Palin (for posing as Jack Kerouac in drag in real life) and Hillary Clinton “We came we saw, we murdered” Gaddafi (because I think the ‘girlz’ who behave like ‘boyz’ deserve to make the ‘boyz’ list)

Closet republican morality disclaimer, also known as the Senator Larry Craig clause: for the purposes of this thesis, the term “boner” is the first (1) given in the Oxford Dictionary, however any Barney Frank-o-philes are permitted to imagine it is the second (2), in which case any prurient lampoons should be ‘tasteful’

boner |ˈbōnər|

noun

1 informal a stupid mistake.

2 vulgar slang an erection of the penis.

ORIGIN after House Republican leader John ‘Boehner’ the quintessential prick

Here is how a ‘Barney Frank-o-phile’ (‘hitting’ on the liberals) lampoon could work:

Instead of walking out on Iranian President ‘mouthy’ Mahmoud, at the UN forum on racism, when ‘mouthy’ truthfully called Israel “cruel and repressive”, why didn’t one of those western diplomats, instead of disappearing like cowards, stand up and shout out “Fair enough, now, what I want to know, is there a ‘boner’ involved when Iran puts it’s women to death, for adultery, by stoning?” Of course that would make worldwide headlines and Iran would realize it had REALLY ‘pulled a boner’

Here is how a ‘closet republican morality’ (‘nailing’ the conservatives) lampoon could be ‘pulled off’

The UN Rapporteur on racism has stated “defaming religion” should be dis-allowed, wow, I suppose that means the office in Rome called the congregation for the doctrine in the faith will be ‘coming out’ of the closet, to be called the holy inquisition again, and anyone who stands up to torture will be charged by the prosecutor Gonadius [worse than ‘pig’ Latin, eh? gonad + ius], with the crime of having ‘pulled a boner’ (of course that can only mean ‘made a stupid mistake’) Subtle difference, you think?

And of course, there is always the morality neutral or ‘ethics free’ example (getting digs into the ‘I’m in it for me’ sociopath public figure), in this case a ‘half-truth’ :

Rahm Emanual: “The Republicans are the party of no ideas”, neglecting to mention he was the ‘wormtongue’ (wet tongue?) in the ear of a Democratic president with brain-dead ideas…

And so it all goes to: “Know thyself” –the pedophile Socrates, executed for “corrupting the youth of Athens”

Now, it seems fitting this should degenerate into a legal treatise designed to constitutionally box in the ‘boyz’, and as such, is apropos to pick on Chief Justice John ‘boy’ Roberts, who went from ‘Waltons’ family lawyer to chief executive at the violent pornography industry of Anglo-Saxon law;

John ‘boys’ court had been recently accused of ‘pulling a boner’ [a cowardly legal decision] by much more principled conservative judges than the dwarves on the conservative wing of this Supreme Court… who have been accused by those more principled men of legal ‘mealy mouth’ in a recent ‘right to bear arms’ or 2nd Amendment case, and called it a right wing Roe v Wade for mincing around the ‘hard’ facts…

Just like the all male Roe court could not ‘bear’ to give women the 4th amendment’s protection of “privacy in their papers” :

‘Dear diary, today I had to choose between raising a child in poverty for a father I’ve discovered would never be there for us, or terminating…’

No differently, John ‘boys’ court could not call a spade a spade and admit the founders meant “the right of the people to bear arms” to be a clause against a coup of the power corrupt over our rule of law… this could have been intelligently addressed by BEING HONEST and calling the right to bear arms what our constitution meant it to be, a militia of the people that does NOT shoot “marauding Indians” at casinos, giving states a bit of control over assault rifles (that actually cannot be constitutionally taken from the people so long as the 2nd Amendment and a modern arms military both exist), like one assault rifle per militia member which is any person of good legal standing in the community, no record of domestic violence and with brains enough to pass an 8th grade constitutional ethics test, weapon stays locked up in the home… and use of ANY firearm in a crime could consequently be made a statutory case of domestic treason for violating a fellow citizen’s civil liberties-

But naw, self serving cowards can’t pull their heads out from where the sun never shines, because the idea I just proposed would preserve our constitution AND DRAMATICALLY REDUCE the number of assault rifles and ALL other firearms on our streets as well as shut down the weapons exports to Mexican drug cartels, too bad that would hurt the gun lobby…

Now, where do you suppose John ‘boy’ will come out on torture? Will he allow prosecutions of his corporate class peers?? Since now days the 4^th Amendment appears to only protect the privacy of the papers held as corrupt corporate class state secrets concealing crimes, the prognosis is not good, but I have an idea!

Uncle Sam has this Latino dude named ‘Stare Decisis’ in his honky law library, he’s been the bouncer, all his work is about is, there should be stability and quiet in the case-law or, that had been the way it worked and so that is the way it generally should be.

Now John ‘boy’s’ honkies have been ganging up on this Latino dude recently, so Stare Decisis brings a knife to work to defend himself. Returning to the Silvergate nincompoop’s ‘let’s all duck responsibility with a honky defense’ rationale, I do believe this Latino dude can take out a certain Anglo-Saxon’s ass, that is, the whole idea surrounding ‘I knew it was wrong but thought it was legal’ as a legitimate ‘no criminal intent’ defense-

Here is how it could work: Anglo-Saxon right wingers (includes dark rye ‘cracker’ Clarence ‘anita’s bad hair day’ Thomas) like to kill people, that is easy to see in John ‘boys’ conservatives putting retarded and insane people to death… and honky states like to force anti-psychotics into defendants so they become fit at trial to understand why they are going to die for something they could not understand when they did it…

So if John ‘boys’ ‘boss-hog’ federal court has let those state decisions stand, bingo, suddenly Stare Decisis, this Latino dude, whips out his knife! And he goes beserk from being picked on!!

The Supreme Court takes anti-psychotics to understand what is happening in the real world and the Anglo-Saxon no criminal intent ‘I knew it was wrong but thought it was legal’ defense is knife wounds like the slashers in the movies make (oh, our lovely 1st Amendment!) across their blindfolded bitch’s Anglo-Saxon body of no criminal intent law, Stare Decisis just cut her to pieces!!!!!

Your averaged IQ of 90 could puzzle through the shit in this process’ result- Whoa, check it out, THAT BITCH IS DEAD!!!!!!!

With eyes mere slits, Chief Justice John Roberts proposed Stare Decisis had passed the Federalist Society rite of initiation and be awarded membership. Stare, feeling his ingratiation with the fascists would further his career opportunities, and therefore smugly pleased, sat for his official photo on a tall stool wearing the borrowed Federalist Society member George W Bush’s dunce cap, which was actually a modified Klu Klux Klan headdress, presented by a Grand Wizard.

With Stare’s middle finger shoved up his nose as though digging deep for a booger, the preferred pose of society members for photos, John Roberts, Antonin Scalia and Samuel Alito pulled from beneath their robes Thompson Sub-Machine guns, stolen for the occasion at Dick Cheney’s direction by Federalist Society house niggers Clarence Thomas and Condoleezza Rice; from the Al Capone exhibit at the FBI museum.

The Thompson drum clips having been filled with unjacketed aluminum alloy hollow point 45 caliber ammunition provided by Academi Corporation, as Anthony Kennedy watched via live feed at the Citizen’s United VIP lounge, the three justices fired precisely 150 rounds, at point blank range, into the biggest buffoon ever to claim expertise in law as a member of the American Bar Association.

A few hours later, the night shift janitor with a ‘four zero’ security clearance who’d been told to bring a body bag to work, was grossed out. Stare Decisis had been basically pureed, his remains little more than a large congealing puddle with a few big chunks.

“There’s an old saying,”In the days of slavery, there were those slaves who lived on the plantation and there were those slaves that lived in the house. You got the privilege of living in the house if you served the master … exactly the way the master intended to have you serve him.

“It is my personal feeling that plantations exist all over America. If you walk into South Central Los Angeles, into Watts, or you walk into Over-the-Rhine in Cincinnati, you’ll find people who live lives that are as degrading as anything that slavery had ever produced. They live in economic oppression, they live in a disenfranchised way. In the hearts and minds of those people, and millions of others, you’re always looking for hope, and whenever somebody within our tribe, within our group, emerges that has the position of authority and power to make a difference in the way business is done, our expectations run high. Many times, those expectations are not fulfilled. But when such an individual is in the service of those who not only perpetuate the oppression, but sometimes design the way in which it is applied, it then becomes very, very, very, very critical that we raise our voices and be heard” -Harry Belafonte

The Satires

Tags Antonin Scalia, christian dominion, CIA, Clarence Thomas, Condoleezza Rice, dick cheney, Eric Holder, Federalist Society, george bush, George Tenant, harvey silvergate, John Boehner, John McLaughlin, John Roberts, John Yoo, justice, Nancy Pelosi, Obama, Pentagon, Porter Goss, religious right, Robert Gates, Roger Cohen, Samuel Alito, Stare Decisis, supreme court, torture

Categories assassinations, CIA, comedy, crime, international law, Law, politics, religion, satire, SCOTUS, social responsibility, treason, war crimes

Dick Cheney’s Dog

May 9, 2013 //

Free speech clown series

Don Rumsfeld & Dick Cheney’s Dog

You all have heard of the first grade primer ‘Dick and Jane’? Well, as fate would have it, Dick did not grow up to love Jane, because Dick (like Don) matured into a homosexual in denial, or “RRR” (sounds like a Rottweiler growl), one of those closet morality, socially/sexually frustrated and consequently mean people known as a Religious Right Republican.

So, this has to be a adult repressed homosexual ‘dick’, or machismo porn variation, of the ‘Dick and Jane’ story. Consequently, the story of how Don Rumsfeld met his demise, because of Dick Cheney’s dog, is pretty screwed up.

It’s called: Don and ‘dick’

Rumsfeld was visiting ‘big dick’ Cheney at Cheney’s ‘spread’ in Wyoming, Cheney was wishing he could have shot George Bush in the face with his shotgun because the coward George flinched and did not pull the trigger on Iran…

While reminiscing missed opportunities at initiating Armageddon, wishing they could have shot more people in the face, especially more Arabs, and about their longing for certain fascists to be in their lives, past and present, secular and religious.. among other things, Rummy suddenly asked ‘big dick’ why his Rottweiler, “Machismo”, was always locked in his kennel.

Mean people have mean dogs and, Dick explained to Don that “Machismo” had an edge about him, Machismo simply could not be trusted around visitors. Dick went on to explain how he wished it were otherwise and how he wished Machismo could be trusted to obey him and only tear apart people that he did not like, he’d tried dog trainers but they cost him money, too much money, because Machismo took a chuck of flesh out of all of them, every dog trainer he had tried. His insurance premiums had gone sky high, all on account of Machismo.

Rumsfeld: “Why don’t you get a different dog?”

Cheney: “Because I love my Machismo.”

Then Don had an idea.

Rumsfeld: “Hey Dick, there is the Arapaho Indian Reservation right up the road, why don’t you get a Medicine Man to take the edge off your Machismo? I saw on the Discovery Channel the Indians can talk to animals, you know they are all devil worshippers, so maybe there is something to it.”

Dick’s eyes brightened considerably, an amazing thing, as though a light had turned on upstairs, but then his brow furrowed back to normal, as though nobody were home.

Cheney: “That’s the problem. They are all devil worshipers, you know, Indians are sorcerers like the Old Testament forbids be ‘found among us.’”

So Don and Dick discussed that and came up with a solution. If they were not at Dick’s ‘spread’ while the medicine man worked with Dick’s Machismo, the sorcerer would not be found ‘among them’ and it would all be ok in the end, because St Paul had said “All things work together for good” for Christians like Don and Dick. So they sent a Secret Service agent to find a medicine man with an explanation of how Dick would like the edge taken off of his Machismo, and then went quail hunting, so the Indian sorcerer would not be ‘found among them.’

The secret service agent found a medicine man, a Blackfoot married to an Arapaho and living in Wyoming, a typical dumb Indian, who with a look of stunned disbelief, kept asking the agent again and again “What!?” After the agent had identified himself four times and explained Dick Cheney wanted the edge taken off his Machismo eight times, a light filled this Blackfoot Indian’s eyes, this agent was serious, and the devil was right at home.

Indians know when the gods deliver the opportunity of a lifetime, and this was opportunity at redemption. It had been awhile since the medicine men had been noticed, that is, the now days scarce authentic ones, and the agent had stumbled onto the real McCoy. First and foremost, this Indian believed in the Native law of reciprocity and well knew how it worked, something the Whitemen had not sorted out since Jesus had told them about it two millennia ago: “As you sow, so shall you reap.”

In this Indian’s world view, the opportunity was all about deliverance, and the attending attrition from any consequence, a sort of natural quantum mechanics shamanic death manifest by friendly fire, simply would have to be tolerated, because the medicine men are all about manifesting truth, and this native cultural idea taken together with the dogs name, set out the path to healing Dick’s Machismo: The dog would have to be taught how to enjoy narcissistic sex, instead of biting people.

Initially, the medicine man realized he would have to endure Machismo’s instinct to hump his leg, that was disturbing, but to reach the goal beyond… The Indian told the agent, well, ok, he would do it for ‘dick.’ The agent missed the straight faced Indian humor… and utterly failed his agency’s chartered mandate.

Indians are observational people, primarily, and know the purpose of dog butt sniffing rituals, sort of like when a Blackfoot and Cree spot each other from across a boulevard in downtown Calgary, the hair goes up on both backs and both Indians are thinking to the other “You can sniff my butt” in a historical context, and it is not a friendly thought. The actual butt sniffing between them is purely psychic, preceding any challenge and fight, and the medicine man doctoring Dick’s Machismo would need to circumvent this phenomena to achieve his aims. So sorcery came into play. He collected urine from a bitch in heat, rubbed a little of it on his knee, and bringing more along in a vial, he traveled to heal Dick’s Machismo.

The dog was very happy to see him, no hostility or butt sniffing ritual encountered at all, the Indian told the agent he had to work with the dog alone, brought out a plastic baby rattle wrapped in leather with a few strings with beads, to look convincing, and Dick’s fundamentalist christian body guard was more than happy to leave. Then this Indian began to work with Dick’s Machismo… “Now Machismo, my leg is a good beginning, but we have to show you something, you don’t need my leg or me at all, you can do this all for yourself- just follow her scent to where it feels so right….”

In Blackfoot language we have a word, I don’t know how to spell it in the Whiteman’s language, but it sounds something like oww-woe-tops and it means you are crazy and “everyone knows the Whiteman is crazy” is a Blackfoot proverb proven again and again, example given, Dick Cheney hiring an Indian that hates him, as every Indian should, to tame his Machismo. There is another Blackfoot word I dare not try to pronounce here, but it means “Dog Face.” It is about as bad as Blackfeet language profanity gets, and it is not as tame as it might seem, initially. The term refers to a certain facial expression…

Don and Dick were headed back to Dicks ‘spread’, the agent had called and told them the medicine man had pronounced Dick’s Machismo healed and was leaving, and as fate would have it, the medicine man, and Don and Dick, passed each other on the dirt and gravel country road, the Indian pushing his 1968 Chevy pickup named the “Red Jet” as hard as he could, the worn out 327 V-8 boiling blue smoke into the dust storm he was whipping up behind him, windows down, braids flying, wild eyed panic combined with a maniacal mirth at his crime, co-mingled with prayers to all the gods that he WOULD escape… thinking when he saw Don and Dick “you can sniff my butt” while trying to put on as many miles as he could, as fast as he could, to escape Dick’s ‘spread.’ Don said “God Damn”, Dick in the same moment saying “he must have brought along his whiskey”…

Dick and Don, walking to the kennel, turned a corner bringing Machismo into view in that very moment Machismo was swallowing it, gulping himself down with a certain facial expression… Don had a sudden epiphany, and he exclaimed “Machismo sucks!”, and Dick’s perpetual grimace of hate torqued down to the point it actually broke his primitive semblance of a mind, he pulled his permitted concealed weapon…

The camera pans away to the beautiful red rock cliffs of Wyoming, there was a first shot echoed together with Machismo’s dying yelp, Don shouted “NO!” and the second shot was heard… a pause.. the third shot sounded and America never heard Dick Cheney say “Terror” again.

In the here-after, for all of eternity, Don repeated “Look Dick, look. See Machismo suck!” And for all of eternity Dick shot Machismo and Don, again and again and could not kill them or himself (because they were already dead.)

The Secret Service agent kept his mouth shut about his role in the cause behind the Rumsfeld/Cheney murder/suicide, and no one came after the medicine man who laughed for years, again and again like a child, every time he recalled:

“you can sniff my butt”

HARVEST

The Satires

Tags closet gay, dick, Dick and Jane, dick cheney, Don Rumsfeld, fellatio, gay, homosexual, machismo, mean people, oral sex, religious right, sorcery, St Paul

Categories comedy, corruption, crime, Folk Stories, politics, religion, satire, social responsibility, treason, war crimes

A Conversation With Jon Stewart

May 3, 2013 //

Jon Stewart: Tonight’s guest is Ronald Thomas West, a veteran of years hunted by intelligence agencies in Germany and Spain, including Joint Special Operations Command, CIA & MOSSAD. Remarkably, during this ordeal, Ronald authored two books of social satire, Napi Mephisto and Queer Chicken Dinner, mocking his pursuers as incompetent and survived. AND most amazing, he managed to blow huge holes in these agencies by playing them into the hands of European law enforcement tracking assassinations. [raised eyebrows, eyes big as saucers]

Ronald West: Jon, tell me why it is, when a man is ½ Black, he is always Black?

Stewart: Uh.. [comic puzzled look] I don’t know!

West: Now Jon, that is a good answer and this is going to be as good as anything Colbert had ever done for you, so bear with me .. Now, if a man being ½ Black makes him Black, what would a man who is ½ White be?

Stewart: White? [comic cringe]

West: Very good, Jon, now if Obama had been ditched by an intelligence officer/single White mother who couldn’t handle raising a kid and handed him off to his White grandparents to complete his upbringing, that kind of tilts things in a certain direction, wouldn’t you think?

Stewart: Uh.. [comic panic look as he moves his head as though looking for an exit]

West: Jon, repeat after me, I know you can do this .. say ‘Barack Obama is a White Man’

Stewart: “Barack Obama is a White Man” [head on desk]

West: VERY GOOD Jon, now you won’t wish to hazard a guess over the answer to this next, but tell me why you will think Bill Clinton is actually the only Black president?

Stewart: I have no idea [with face in hands]

West: It’s because he married a ‘BIG–BUTT-Mama’

Stewart: [speechless]

West: Now, Jon, with the race issue resolved, if the choice between Romney and Obama had been a choice between evils, and Obama is maybe two hairs less evil than Romney, why the democratic charade in a nation that consistently votes for evil? Why not just write in ‘Satan’ and be done with it?

Stewart: Suddenly I understand why the CIA spent years trying to kill you

-Harry Belafonte

The Satires

Tags Black, blackface, CIA, comedy, Jon Stewart, lie, Obama, race, Satan, satire, Shinola, stooge, White, White House, White man

Categories assassinations, CIA, comedy, crime, Espionage, information operations, intelligence, philosophy, politics, propaganda, psychology, satire, treason

The Great Phuc Uuus Massacre

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Bozo’s Handcock U Speech

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Life’s Little Surprises

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Democracy Now!

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The Pachuco Stare Decisis

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Dick Cheney’s Dog

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A Conversation With Jon Stewart

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